A mainlander lost in the era of "normalization"

We won't return to normality, because normality was the problem. -----Hong Kong protesters

In 1968, Soviet tanks drove into Prague, ending the short-lived "Prague Spring", which was followed by a period of "normalization" in Czechoslovakia until the Soviet-Eastern upheaval, where reforms stalled, reformers were removed, and the authorities continued Efforts to maintain the status quo. Today in 2019, when the situation in Hong Kong is becoming more and more intense, and the nationalist sentiment among the circle of friends and acquaintances is about to engulf personal emotional bonds, I think of this word. As a 1995-year-old young man who was born and raised in the mainland, my liberal ideas did not come from my family, nor did I come from school to a large extent, but more from the relatively loose online media from 2008 to 2012, including Weibo and people people; also benefited from the relatively loose publishing industry, so that history books and political science books can enter the field of vision of an ordinary middle school student; Wikipedia was not blocked at that time, and in the intermittent connection, I roughly read The obscured history of modern and modern Chinese history is over; at that time, the Southern Department, which was severely damaged, still had the courage to criticize and the spirit of investigation. I remember that one year, the New Year's speech was postponed, and the front page of the "accidental death" during the petition was put on the front page. Qian Yunhui's investigation. All these accidents construct a mind inclined towards liberalism, even if such liberalism appears crude and superficial. But history played a joke to me, like it once did to the young Chinese in the 80s/Germans of the Weimar Republic, all hope seems to have disappeared at an unbelievable rate during these 7 years, we welcome An era of "normalization" has come, everything seems to be going according to the party's will and plan, the "noise" has been eliminated, and any resistance seems not only ineffective but also meaningless, especially when nationalism takes you away. Your classmates/family/friends/strangers you don't know have become your enemies, and resistance is not only ineffective but also ridiculous. This feeling reached its climax in another wave of nationalist frenzy brought by Hong Kong this summer. When the circle of friends was swiped by "I support the Hong Kong police, you can hit me now", when different voices were made, it not only failed to bring more More and more liberal friends choose silence when more exchanges and communication can only lead to meaningless attacks.

"Political depression" has become a more and more frequent word. I think this one comes from the state of being forced to speak aphasia. Behind this aphasia is the helplessness that the emotions you want to express cannot be expressed because of fear, and it is also a source of frustration for the public. Discuss the dashed hope. The "sense of loneliness" brought about by this depression makes people constantly doubt themselves, "Am I wrong?" Recently, I met some friends who had a similar experience, and everyone was surprisingly unanimous when they learned that the other party had similar views to themselves. " It turns out that I'm not alone." Yes, in the era of tens of thousands of horses, whether at home or abroad, you must be careful when speaking, how can you know who have like-minded partners? I don't want to exaggerate the depression I encountered. It's far from the level of depression. It's just that in those sleepless nights, in those moments of distraction, in the hearts of those watching the news, the powerlessness suddenly rises. with despair. I don't know how long this emotion will last. After all, Leviathan's sword is getting sharper and sharper, and Big Brother's surveillance is becoming more and more difficult to escape. If you want to hide in the music, Li Zhi, Lin Xi, and Daming's faction ....... More and more names disappear from the player; the news of wanting to hide in the cinema, constantly withdrawing or deleting files makes people feel uneasy, and the main themes such as "My Motherland and Me" are even more is to fill most of the screen. Maybe, this depression will become more and more, maybe it will last for a long time, and I can only choose to adapt to this emotion and not dare to expect it to disappear.

As a mainlander, watching the situation in Hong Kong from a distance is a strange and complicated feeling. I can't be brought into the atmosphere of the decisive battle of "defending my city" like the Hong Kong people, because it is not my city, even if you have deep feelings or expectations for it, it is better to say that it is not your city. It is the city you imagined; on the other hand, I am disgusted and panicked by the sincere anger of the masses under the control of the domestic propaganda machine propaganda. The disgust is because I clearly see the information being distorted and hatred being created; The fear is because, I am acutely aware of how effective this propaganda is, that at least a good part of these voices is not a performance, but a genuine emotion of so many people. What also bothers me at all times is the evaluation of various phenomena in the movement. If the social movement in Hong Kong before the 2014 Umbrella Movement educated the power of freedom/civil society/freedom of association/independent media, then the Umbrella Movement educated I have learned what "civil disobedience" is and how non-compliance with specific laws can be justified in some cases, and this anti-extradition movement is educating new forms of social movement and constantly throwing questions at me: "Is peace, rationality and non-violence the only form of justice for social movements? If not, how can a social movement with violence be just?" I have not been able to fully answer this question so far. The discussion made me reflect on the formation process and application limitations of the concept of "harmoniousness and nonsense". There are also intellectuals who were originally on the liberal side who chose to stand on the opposite side of the protesters. Among them, Li Jiajia's selective ignorance has lost my mind as a media person However, Mr. Zhang Taisu's "sincere idealism" towards the demonstrators is mixed with narcissistic pessimism; the "oppressed" anger interacts with the inner sense of superiority, fermenting into a very aggressive but full of self-confidence. Self-pity action; and undisguised foreign adoration and cultural servility.” The evaluation made me puzzled, and I felt that the respect generated by the gap in knowledge made it difficult for me to judge this assertion. In addition to these intellectuals, some scholars like Xiaobai's Nautilus criticized some of the demonstrators' actions, but they affirmed the movement as a whole; there are also teachers Yugan who expressed concern about whether the movement has turned to the right. These different viewpoints give me extremely mixed feelings about the movement. I support the movement as a whole, and I can understand the anger towards violence after the increasing suppression of freedom and the cruel treatment of the peace movement. I am worried about the proportion of people who are private, and at the same time, whether the movement has an xenophobic nature also makes me more sensitive as a mainlander. I can't support the movement emotionally, when the systemic police violence can go unpunished, when the government can so arrogantly defy public opinion; I can't support the movement rationally, when the Communist Party has not yet formed a civil society in mainland China in recent years. The crackdown on Hong Kong has intensified, and the authoritarian performance of repeatedly falling short of commitments to Hong Kong is unchecked. But after all, I am not a Hong Konger, no matter how ardent, this fight does not belong to me, as a Hong Kong friend who opposes the protesters because he opposes all violence said before blocking me, "You are not a Hong Konger, you cannot feel to my pain”; a Hong Kong friend who supported the protests said something similar to me, when we discussed the danger of burning people leading to excessive movement, he said, “You are not a Hong Konger, you cannot understand our anger”. Yes, I am not a Hong Konger, I am a mainlander, but what happened on the mainland makes me feel identity and pride? But can I not be a mainlander? So who am I?

So I wanted to escape, and in the process of studying abroad, involved a study-work-immigration program. In the loneliness of a foreign country, there are many new challenges, cultural barriers, career unknowns, uncertainty about whether or not to stay, and fears caused by the ubiquitous nationalist Chinese. But what can I do? go back? Going back not only can't do anything, but also faces the dilemma of shutting up or being potentially dangerous at any time. After all, there is no other way but to find a new identity/new value of life in the possible long-term exile.

Once stood in Prague's Wenceslas Square, where Soviet tanks drove by, students at Charles University set themselves on fire, and Havel gave speeches in front of hundreds of thousands of demonstrators, and now it's the site of new protests. The era of "normalization" will eventually pass, because the discipline of "normalization" cannot make up for the lack of legitimacy and social contradictions for a long time. This is a history that happened in the Czech Republic. The question is: How long will the era of "normalization" in "prosperous China" last? Is history really progressive? Will there be a day when the power of this place where I was born and raised will leave me nowhere to run? Or one day it will collapse suddenly. If there is such a day, how likely is it that a large country lacking social organization will move towards a bright future? And I am in the torrent of the times, how can I tell the direction of the tide? I don't expect to be able to answer these questions and get rid of these confusions that I need to be prepared to live with for a long time or forever. I hope this article can give some inspiration to readers with similar confusion, at least, "no man is an island", "live and live like a dignified person."