[Essay] A very slow, very slow person

Aug 20, 2022

Over time, I had to understand the balance between the outer and the inner, to avoid the disintegration of the wreckage that became the cause of the inability to connect with the world.

I am a very slow person, so slow that I can hear my own breathing, up and down, to recognize that I still exist.

呑呑...唰..., heartbeat 60, 37.5, whispering one after another, like a lamb to be slaughtered, unable to escape; it was an aftershock, and it still collapsed when I remembered it. I started to roll up the words, hold them tight, wrap around me like scales, meet my skin, maybe it's the thorns that stand on the wall between me and others, and occasionally I pull it out, Soaking and then air-drying, maybe some sunshine is needed, it seems that only in this way can explain the unexplainable process. I know that passing is just passing, my soul is estranged, drifting with the surging blackness, lying quietly, lying quietly in tears.

In fact, I don't want to write pessimistic and difficult words so much, but for my shell, the complete fragments, those exits have become windows one by one, telling me that they need to be creative and need a less positive existence. Over time, I had to understand the balance between the outer and the inner, to avoid the disintegration of the wreckage that became the cause of the inability to connect with the world.

It means that since I started to switch to writing like this, these packagings have been very good at reassuring the inner me, without having to speak so nakedly, and without having to describe the details completely, or maybe it is just an escape, which can subtly avoid unnecessary self-disclosure. .

However, the disadvantage is that the puzzle of words is always missing. I can only write small short essays, and I can't string together the complete idea narrative group into an article, and write it well and hide it in it. But this is not a problem, write short essays, just write short essays! Maybe someday a different string will come out, so I'm looking forward to it.

Further reading:

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