[Baker wants to enjoy] Then keep your mouth shut too!

"Wife, it's too bright!"

Swiping on the phone before bed has always been my wife's "lullaby", but for me as a bedside person and extremely photophobic at night, it's undoubtedly torture.

"Hey, then close your eyes!"

"I'm closed! I still feel the light, it's very bright!"

"Then keep your mouth shut too!"...

I don't know if anyone has a " light sleep " like me: a little light or a sound can make it difficult for me to fall asleep or wake up easily. Not only that, but wearing too many items on my body will make me feel uncomfortable and reduce the quality of sleep, such as: rings, watches, necklaces, blindfolds... Yes, it's hard to believe that the last trick of blindfolds doesn't work .

My wife likes to read novels and play Sudoku before going to bed. She is really curious about how she can fall asleep when she is so " brain-burning " before going to bed, and her nerves are so excited. You can't fall asleep doing this.

Differences in living habits like this have always existed, but we have always had the following two " consensus ", so that such problems are not difficult to deal with, and we will not quarrel over the same thing after the end !

There is no such thing as a perfect match from the start

Many people are looking for the " right person " throughout their lives and become the " perfect combination " that fits the heart and complements their personalities. However, this is always counterproductive, because even family members who grew up in the same environment, even twins, may have completely different personalities and habits. After all, everyone is an " independent " individual, living together, friction, sparks, disputes, and even Fights...are inevitable. Therefore, the reasons for separation of those who do not have personalities, feel wrong, have no enthusiasm... etc. should probably be said to be " disillusionment " against that kind of good expectations!

Because of this, the disagreement in the process of getting along is logically blamed on " choose the wrong person, see the wrong person ", always hope that the other partner will change and cooperate, and say the same thing that person once said, it's all up to you/you. , forcibly make a "transformed person" that meets his own standards ; otherwise, he will continue to forbear, " what if he falls in love or else? " It's like making a choice like this once in a lifetime - choose the right heaven and choose the wrong one, you will live in a suite, and you will be locked in prison. For a lifetime, keep reinventing yourself in this way until it meets the expectations of the other party...

In fact, such people did not exist from the very beginning. "Getting along" itself is a never-ending running- in, because no matter how smooth the collision of stones, there will be noises and fragments. Therefore, at the beginning of the relationship, both parties must have the determination to " make some progress, compromise and change for this relationship ". The two people are moving towards the perfect combination together, aiming to become each other's "right people". , I think this is the right answer to choose and be chosen emotionally!

Therefore , from the very beginning, we were fully prepared for the friction caused by such differences in living habits , and we also reserved space for change and coordination. Through these small daily quarrels , we can roughly know the " bottom line " of both parties on the same matter. "Where, if you can adjust yourself, you will do it silently; if you go to a dispute, then the next thing...

Discussion: Take a step back

For us, bickering and quarrels are considered a kind of " discussion ", excluding emotional content, it is actually a "showdown" in front of both sides , it is just whether the means are fierce or not. So in the end, there must be a process of calming down and sitting down and having a good chat, at this stage, " I apologize for my previous behavior... I can compromise a little bit, but ...Can I ask you to...? ", content like this " outcry deal " will continue to appear, trying to reach an agreement on one thing through "each taking a step back". "Consensus" .

Let me first say that this step must be reached by both parties holding their own words and having "habits" that are difficult to let go . We must use this method to " soften " each other's defenses. After all, both parties know that their habits do affect each other. But it is really difficult to change. After such a " contradictory " mentality, it is easy to have excessive " emotions ", so " apology " is also a necessary part.

Finally, when both parties have apologized and agreed to the agreement after each other's step back, it is agreed that they will abide by each other. Even if there is still a slight emotion at the moment (which is often the case), this matter must be discussed today. End, and then let this matter become an article in the " Six Laws" of the two people: violation of the law must be subject to "words" or another penalty; law revision must be held by both parties to "discuss" again. During the break-in period, it must take a lot of time to "repair the provisions", but this will become less and less with time. After all, this method usually won't quarrel over the same thing again . In the long run, it is actually quite beneficial, at least it has been used until now. The two of us have rarely really fought.

Later, I found that as long as I cover my eyes and ears with a towel or a relatively large area, I can barely fall asleep in the strong light. Although the quality is still not very good, at least when my wife's mobile phone is still bright, it can " start from sleep ". If you don’t get it, you can’t sleep well .” The wife also began to reduce the time she spent using her phone at night or started using it earlier, and finally reached a “ balance point ” acceptable to both parties, and ended early without entering the “dispute” part.

Differences in living habits are indeed the reason why many couples and couples quarrel. In addition to being deeply ingrained, there is a "reasonableness" that will often lead to "stalemate".

Therefore, we usually do not solve the problem at one time, but through each "drumming", we use the method of "reducing toxicity and prolonging reaction time" to let both parties think about it. "Take a step back" to break through this "contradiction". Of course, in the end, "three chapters of the contract" can really eliminate future troubles and make quarrels less and less day by day...

The above is how our husband and wife have dealt with "differences in ideas and habits" for many years. Although it may not be suitable for every couple, it can be used as a reference to adjust the way that both of them can accept. The important thing is that after all, we want to leave For a lifetime of people, don't let the same thing "prolong the burn" too much, because the small loses the big!

📝The article is over, but there are a few questions I want to ask you~

 ✔️What kind of "life habit differences" do you think are the most prone to disputes?

✔️What is the most difficult "life habit difference" with the other half? Is there a solution? How is it solved?

Feel free to leave a comment below and let me know what you think!

I'm Baker, I'm a physiotherapist,

son, brother,

Husband, son-in-law...

When wearing or not wearing a therapeutic gown,

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commonplace everyday,

Joy, anger, sadness, and joy, all want to share with you;

Sour, sweet, bitter, spicy, I want you to taste it too.

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