"catch."

Date: 2022.04.26

Location: Kaohsiung City

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I can't call it happy, but I wouldn't say that I seem to be really unhappy recently. I can still eat and exercise, and I don’t have the problem of not being able to sleep or sleep well. I can still go to work normally. I can still laugh at the jokes of the talk show. Although I seem to be unable to be happy recently, it is not by definition. of melancholy.

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"I don't think I'm doing well recently."

When I was talking on the phone with K a while ago, I said something that hurt her very much. I didn't want to say it, but I said it accidentally. After the apology, although the reconciliation was also in the process of making the relationship a little closer, I just recalled that time, and I am not sure about the state at that time, whether it was really the so-called "not very good".

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I'm still me, but it's probably a little different from the "me" I used to be, so I can compare it, because I don't like it very much, so I don't feel good. It seems that in "I" itself, there is still a spectrum, but in the past it was biased towards the side that I liked, but recently it suddenly jumped to the other side.

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It is clear that "I" never has only one aspect, but when choosing, it seems that there is still a so-called preference, saying that you want to accept the whole of yourself, but in fact, most of them are only willing to accept the part of the preference.

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"Say the three things you're complimented most often, and the three things you want to be complimented the most about yourself."

The day before yesterday, I went to explore the site with K. At night by the campfire, she took out the relationship synchronization card she bought from "Women's Fan", and one of the cards she drew asked us.

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"Thinking, active, and warm. This is what I am often praised for, and what I want to be praised the most."

While it could be that I just want to be complimented so I can hear it, it just means that other compliments that may also be compliments may be ignored, and those I want and do get, are still there. But after thinking about it like this, I don't know why, and suddenly I doubt, is this really what I want?

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A "compliment" represents a description of oneself by others, and such a description is good by definition. It's just that the "definition" here may be the standard that everyone is used to, and sometimes I don't know if I really think so, and the "compliment I want" is defined as my own standard.

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Constantly talking about the dream, but also having time and heart to keep practicing the dream, is it just chasing the "good" that was originally defined in the heart, but at the moment there is no motivation to move forward, and can't find the "good state" that was once considered "good"? Whether it will be symbolic to some extent is that doubt has actually appeared in my heart.

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"Shama is a kind of crab, but the shell is thin and soft, and the meat is rarely edible. And it will die as soon as it is caught and brought home, so usually just enjoy the thrill of catching it, and put it back when you catch it. "-"Recovery Island"

I read this sentence while watching "Recovery Island" recently, and it seems that I suddenly understand the book and the recent past.