the last song he sang the fourth

For a long time, I hated the moment when I woke up in the morning and opened my eyes, the sun on my face every day reminded me that the earth is still running as usual, no matter how hard and hard life is, the sun will still rise , life still forces us to keep trying to breathe.

Somewhere I know J's voice, it's like a light in the dark night, he heals every day I lick my wounds, I don't have to be so afraid of getting up in the morning before going to bed, and I don't have to be afraid of being too quiet when I'm alone. .

Such a dependence, like an addiction to poison, accompanies me in all the blank times in my life. I download every song that J has recorded, while waiting for the MRT, lunch break, and on the way home, so that , When J didn't appear at night, the long night would not be lonely and difficult.

"I had a cold yesterday, and now I have almost no voice." It was a private message from J: "Sorry! It seems that I can't sing to you today."

There was a hint of apology in his tone, as if he knew how much I relied on his singing.

I laughed, "Actually, I downloaded the songs you recorded and stored them in my phone. 』

"You are too exaggerated." He passed a pompous smile.

"You need to rest your throat, many people like to hear you sing. Is the cold serious? 』

"It's alright, it's just a small cold, in fact, the voice is still full of sexy, I should be able to bring you a roast pork dumpling..." He joked.

"What an old stalk..." I sent a big smile, and a long-lost smile appeared on my lips unconsciously.

"I've always wanted to ask you a question, but I'm afraid it would be impolite to ask. If you don't want to answer, I don't have to ask."

"If you don't ask, how do I know if I want to answer? 』I found that the corners of my mouth had been raised in the arc of a smile.

"Then I asked. If you feel rude, don't mind, I'm just... curious..."

"Okay, you ask! 』

"You once said the abyss of pain, it sounds so serious, what happened to you?"

I put away my smile, and suddenly I don't know where to start. I haven't talked to anyone since these days, and too many concerns and worries around me are not enough to calm me down.

The older people grow up, the more they try to use the so-called "maturity" to pack themselves. In order to appear fearless, we try to paralyze the pain into a fragile ice river. It looks flat and smooth, but in fact, we step on it hard and step on it. It will immediately shatter into a huge ocean.

Seeing that I was silent, J said in a panic, "Don't be sad, I won't ask. Don't think about it!"

"No, I want to say, I just want to tell you. 』Because you are not the person who will appear in my real life, I can show no reservations in front of you without any scruples, and let you become the outlet of my emotions, through singing, through pouring out.

However, the roughness and lameness of this journey, after all, is not a process that can be described by typing a few words online.

J said, "I'll call you and listen to you speak slowly."

I seem to have suddenly become a little girl with a blushing heartbeat, throbbing at someone's open invitation.

"Hello?" His voice!

"Hi! 』My throat is a little stuck, as if I am the one with the cold.

"It's the first time I talked to you, it's actually this kind of voice." He gave a wry smile on the other end of the phone.

But I have a little sweetness in my heart...

"This story is not very good, are you sure you want to hear it? . 』

"I want to hear it."

He whispered to me in a voice that was still charming even though he had a cold, as if some magic had been cast on me, and I began to express my deepest sadness to a man I had never met.

I told a long story, from my miscarriage to the decision to divorce, my dad passed away suddenly, I didn't have time to see him one last time..., all the sadness finally poured out without reservation, I said, Tears burst the banks, and at the end, she choked so much that she could hardly speak.

In the air, there was only my sobs that could not be stopped, and J's apology: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask, I made you feel uncomfortable, don't cry, don't think about it anymore... .."

At this moment, I was miraculously healed.

From now on, I am no longer alone to bear these pressures and pains, I should bravely put aside the past and move on.

It's amazing, when all the emotions have a channel to release, I feel full of warmth instead, his concern is very warm, and his apology is also very warm, just like a hot sun melting the ice and snow, let me follow No need to be afraid to open your eyes every morning, and even look forward to waking up to meet the warm and warm morning sun, just like seeing J.

I recorded a song for you, I hope you can understand.

The next morning he passed a sound file to me, and I listened to it while I was taking the MRT, thinking, what part of it he wanted me to understand?

"Walking down a crowded aisle, I asked myself

Will people without love live forever?

Those movies are often sweet

but i don't believe

Sitting in a corner with no one I ask myself again

Should you continue or should you give up

No one can understand how I feel now

I want to see you, want to hide from you, it's hard to decide

Whenever I want to get close, you always pretend to be calm

Seeing your expression seems to have explained

I just want to prove our love

Maybe in your eyes it's just a game

I just want to get close and I want to hug

Thinking back to the past and the new you

I still want to be a part of your life

As long as you believe in me, I will accompany you

Can you let me say "I love you"

or you don't want to hear

Can I completely forget you

I really can't figure it out

Whenever I want to get close to you, I always pretend to be calm

Seeing your expression seems to have explained

I just want to prove our love

Maybe in your eyes it's just a game

I just want to get close and I want to hug

Thinking back to the past and the new you

I still want to be a part of your life

As long as you believe in me, I will accompany you

As long as you believe in us again, we will stay close together.”

(Li Shengjie - close)