Raising children - are you going to be a gardener or a carpenter?

In this article, what I want to share is, as a senior parenting person , the method of parenting. The so-called senior is because I have been raising children for 18 years😂😂😂, senior enough!

 If your child is still young, it is recommended to take a look. If you are already in middle school, please turn around and leave, because it is probably useless to read. This method is actually a mental method. If the mind has been set, the method is useless.

As a parent, do you choose to be a gardener or a carpenter?

The Gardener and the Carpenter is a book, you can refer to this book if you are interested. I didn’t buy it. I just heard the interpretation of the APP for the elite daily class , plus my own thoughts, to explain it to you. Gardener and carpenter.

💠 A carpenter is to hold a carving knife and carve the wood. It is entirely up to the carpenter's will and imagination to sculpt the wood into what it wants. If the wood is soft and easy to carve, then the carpenter doesn’t need to work too hard, but the carved woodcarving, even if it is regenerated, has no life! The carpenter was hurt, the wood was damaged.

💠A gardener is to tidy up the soil, plant seeds or seedlings, take care of the growth of the flower seedlings from time to time, help it if it grows crooked, add fertilizer to it if the leaves change color, and water it if the leaves are slightly dry. A gardener is to provide the things that the plants and flowers in the garden need, no more and no less. Too much, the plant is easy to rot roots; too little, it is easy to wither. Although you take care of it from time to time, you are not in a hurry. After all, you should not have the seeds given by Chinchilla, or the magic beans given by Jack. It can grow overnight and soar into the sky!! In addition, gardeners will not expect to plant It is a flower seed, but a melon grows. Or they don't know what the seeds are planted, and when they see pumpkin leaves, they expect it to produce apple blossoms.

I don't know which one you choose, but no matter which choice you choose, the most fearful thing about children's education is "all of a sudden, you can't all of a sudden", especially the younger the child, the more you have to stand firm . And this position is not only one's own position, but also a common position between husband and wife , otherwise the father can't, the mother can, then in the end is it okay!?!

I am a happy gardener

As you can see from the title, I love being a gardener, and a gardener that changes with the age of my children. I don't know where I've heard a saying that a child is just a passer-by in life . Sooner or later, he will no longer be a child, but someone else's parent. Therefore, at different times, the roles of parents are different.

Playmates as children, schoolmates for teenagers, and friends when they grow up

When I was a child , her world was you, and your world was indispensable to her. I wanted to take her wherever I went, to taste delicious food, experience the world, play around, laugh and cry together. I was deeply afraid that he would not appreciate the beauty of this world, so whenever he had the opportunity, he would arrange a trip.

When they are teenagers , as their studies increase, children will find problems in learning and encounter difficulties. At this time, parents should become school companions, study with their children, and solve problems together. Remember, at this stage, you can't pretend to be a "parent", and you can't play the role of a "come here" in a "preaching" tone.

This point~ I feel deeply~ When the child encounters elementary school math problems, I teach it in the way of college. You think it is very clear, and the child's face is confused😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️. After the teaching, the anger became big and the tone was bad. The former schoolmate has become a bad teacher! Remember!!! This is the experience of a past person.

How to solve this? Be an idle gardener! Explain the basic concepts clearly, once you don’t understand it once, and after two lectures, take a break. This break is necessary because children need time to digest, and you also need time to divert your attention, lest The fire is coming 😏

When you grow up , you should be a partner, similar to a business partner, but he is the boss and you are a partner. It’s okay to contribute money, but there must be prerequisites, plans, and ideas, otherwise it will be boring to throw money into a puddle! Think about it, it is better to regard yourself as an angel investor than a partner, that is, in When the child has his own ideas and plans, provide him with timely assistance, but ask him to continue to grow.

As a happy gardener, I consider myself to be a good gardener (except for the occasional evil teacher when I was a child in elementary and middle school!) . My kids don't have tutoring or tutoring, but luckily, they all study by themselves, what to do is to do well, and to play when it's time to play. Looking back, this should have been a success of education (brainwashing) since childhood!

I never get angry with a child because of poor grades, and I never stare at him and write because he doesn't play his homework.

I always tell my children: school grades, I don't think the key point, what you learn is the key point. Therefore, when the child embarrassedly took the 40-point math paper and signed it for me, I smiled and asked him, have you learned the remaining 60 points? I also often say that exams are just to help you correct your mistakes (debug), to find out those concepts that are not yet clear, so that you have the opportunity to strengthen before facing challenges.

A bad exam is not a big problem. But the test is not good, but I don't understand why, this is a big problem!

Learning is a child's own business . Since childhood, he has repeatedly repeated "the future is your own", "how you live today will affect tomorrow", "good learning, many choices, bad learning, only to be selected"... ....just like that, brainwashing and delegating power (actually, herding sheep and grazing) since elementary school. Therefore, when the child grows up and goes to middle school and high school, he knows that parents will not interfere, and all the good and bad are caused by themselves and must be borne by themselves .

The point is to be a leisurely gardener and let your child grow up to be his own!

Aren't leisure gardeners anxious?

Watching Xiao Wang's child next door get triple jump after tutoring, neighbor Xiao Zhang's child is enrolled in a gifted class, my colleague's child's English is super smooth, and 99% of the classmates are tutoring~~~ These are full of competitions around, can you not? Anxious?

To be honest, I used to be anxious, but just for a moment! At that moment, when my child was in elementary school or middle school, he came home one day and told me that his classmates had tutored English. At that time, I didn’t know whether he was anxious or I was anxious . . Is it because he is afraid that he will not be able to catch up with others, or does he think he does not need it? !

In any case, you must first clarify whether you are anxious and the cause of anxiety before you can judge the next step.

At that time I asked the child: Do you want to go to tutoring❓

The child thought for a while: 🤔En~~~~ It's better not to, I see my classmates are spanking and chatting when they go to tutoring.

Tutoring is to make up for things that you don’t know and can’t understand. If it’s only taught in school, you should be able to understand in theory, as long as you spend the time, you can definitely understand.

Since I was a child, I have been instilling this concept in my children:

There are only so many hours in a day! When you study in school, you should try to understand what is taught in class. If you don’t understand, take time to think about it after class or ask the teacher for advice, and then you can enjoy the rest of the time when you go home. Going to tutoring is to spend double the time to learn the same thing, it is unreasonable!!!

I don't care if you don't write your homework well or study well in class. After all, you are an independent individual and you must be responsible for your own behavior. In the future, you will compete with others, not me!

Furthermore, as a happy gardener, you often express to your children:

If there is a need, please "take the initiative" to tell me, what do you need? What assistance do you want me to provide?

Being active is the key. As long as you can take the initiative, the rest of the children will be able to take care of themselves sooner or later! So as a parent, don't be too active, otherwise the child will become passive .

 Having said all that, gardening is my choice, and the above is my personal "long term" parenting experience. However, education is a matter with a long feedback cycle. Is it useful in the end? Well, at least so far no bad results.

As long as you have a good grasp of the degree (appropriate tightness) and the ruler (principles and rules), whether you are a gardener or a carpenter, I believe it is a good parenting choice. After all, each child has essential differences and cannot be generalized!!