The days of living alone 01｜My own bomb shelter

In August last year, I came to Yilan alone to start my first job. If anyone asked me, they would be surprised that I had traveled thousands of miles from the central part of the country to Yilan. To the price of your choice (laughs).

After the job was confirmed, I immediately started looking for a rental house. I contacted 6 landlords by phone through the rental house network in advance, and planned to find the next place to stay within two days. I was lucky to find a space that is close to the work place and has perfect functions nearby. Although I have recently been considering whether to find another place after the lease expires, the location of the room is really a good thing that cannot be found. The landlord is an older sister in her 30s who is very enthusiastic and kind.

Because of the dual factors of family and school accommodation, this rental is the first time in my life that I have personal space. It reminds me of the content of Woolf's work "My Own Room", and the start of work and economic autonomy are achieved together. The room that used to be longed for came true on the eve of his 22nd birthday.

More than anything else, a person can make himself who he is. --Wolfe, "A Room of One's Own"

There are 24 hours a day, and I spend almost all the time in this room after deducting work and going out. It is the first time in my life that I have to spend so much time with myself. At first, I often feel uneasy. There is no one to talk to. When I find someone to talk to, I open the line to call a friend. This is not a long-term plan. I am still figuring out how to get along with myself, especially when there are emotional events in my life. My first thought is always Want to talk to someone.

After I have a room, I seem to have to face my emotions more directly. Of course, I think it is a good way to go out for a walk, but I will eventually return to this small space at night, and usually tidying or cleaning will make me feel more comfortable (some kind of I also forced myself to a degree), after taking a shower, sitting at the desk and starting to write down my messy thoughts, usually the words are messy and jumpy, and I occasionally look back at my past writings. It is mostly composed of negative emotions or questions, and is also known as "dark notepad".

Recently, I started to rely less on conversations with friends, and I also tried to find other things that I could immerse myself in, such as buying a Japanese test book that I didn’t read carefully; Watching the daily life of others through the audio and video channels, thinking about the meaning of life and then doing something to change the current situation, coexisting with my own comfort and discomfort in the air-raid shelter, at least I can do my best.

"No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself."