I don't want to lose you in this city

Seeing that a frequented seafood shop notified the fresh bamboo clam on Facebook, I asked myself "what is this bamboo clam called in Hong Kong?" I tried hard for several minutes and couldn't remember how to call it in Cantonese. , It's not even in the state of "the words can't come out on the edge of the mouth", the whole person is blank, no matter how the revolving lamp appears in the mind like a bamboo clam, it just can't draw any useful clues, and the breathing begins to change. In a hurry, I hurriedly grabbed the master passing by, pointed to the photo and asked him, the master who did not touch the spring water with his ten fingers looked helpless, and said to me, who was so anxious, "Bamboo clams are bamboo clams. Just eat it, it doesn’t matter what it’s called.” In the end, I had to google for help and managed to ease my anxiety—it turned out that Hong Kong used to call it razor clams. Instead, I fell into a deep self-blame, how could I forget the name of the seafood in Hong Kong that I used to eat so often?

It's not the first time I've felt anxious about the part of you I've forgotten since I left you. Last week, I was chatting with my Hong Kong friends at Signal about a Tai Po restaurant that we used to frequent. Suddenly, I couldn’t remember the name of the restaurant. After thinking about it for a while, I still had no clue. I seemed to be thrown into a silent place. In a desperate situation, the atmosphere could not get through for a while, and finally I had to rely on a friend to remind me. I can't forgive myself for forgetting the name of the dining hall I once loved so much, and I can't forgive myself for starting to have more and more signs of forgetting you. As a result, from this day on, whenever I forget the name of an object in Hong Kong, I will immediately retrieve the memory. The next day, I will review all the forgotten names by myself, and ask myself what Hong Kong is one by one. What is it called? The next day I will ask myself again, and I will review it again and again, like a hopeless obsessive-compulsive madman.

After leaving you, how afraid I am that I will forget you? When a child uses Mandarin vocabulary in spoken Cantonese, I will seriously correct him. I hope he knows the difference between the two languages, and I will take the trouble to tell him in spoken Cantonese that we are used to saying "嬲" instead of "angry"; "potato" instead of "potato"; "machine"; "cheese" not "cheese", "bus" not "bus"... I am happy to see a child speak Mandarin more fluently than me, but I am not happy to see him forget how to speak Cantonese. I know that I can't resist this subtle influence, because only outsiders adapt to the local language habits, and children always integrate into the new environment faster than adults. Why aren't we adults also trying to learn words for the new environment? I went to the market the next day and found that many of the foods here are called very different from those in Hong Kong, especially the seafood. . When new vocabulary is absorbed every day, the old vocabulary begins to fade slowly and gradually disappears. I am very guilty, so I can only force myself to use all my brain cells to firmly grasp all the words related to you, and absolutely cannot allow myself to forget every word.

After leaving you, how panic am I that I will not remember you? Countless midnight dreams, I braved the cold sweat and asked myself, when we were still together in the past, did I treat you well? I forced myself to think about your frown and smile over and over again, and warned myself not to forget my old love just because I had a new one. But all that I did did not make my conscience any better, after all I was the one who left you behind. I want to tell the old love you, the new city is very good, as good as you used to be, I have a good life, I am just afraid that I will lose you in this city, I am willing to always remember you, Remember all the nouns, adjectives, verbs related to you...even the most vulgar words, I don't want to forget

Maybe, maybe there is a day when I will be willing to reconcile with myself and allow myself to forget you, because I am not sure if my love for you will last until the moment we meet again, but at least at this moment I am not willing to be in this city I lost you here, while you still have spare time, remember you day by day.