[Rensen Mantoubao Series] I'm sorry, I couldn't save you at that time

I hope we can all accept that what we can't do right now is hurting ourselves.

Hello everyone! I am Liang Qian!

I've been catching up with the end of the school term for a while now, and I want to take a break from my busy schedule and want to post my past works.

There are also short stories about creation.

There is a whale whose call is an unusual 52 hertz,

Scientists call it the loneliest whale in the world.

But then they found out again,

Similar whales.

sex, nudity, self-harm and substance abuse,

The depravity and dark side of human nature, behind those behaviors that are not understood,

Maybe it's just a monologue of a lonely life.

You will be loved, you will find similar frequencies,

Can express the truth of the mind.

01

I have a hurdle that I can't overcome

02

I just don't know how to speak, and even to speak, I have to simulate it in my head many times.

In fact, quietness and inability to express, these are essentially nothing

03

But I can't express it to others when I need it, I missed the opportunity to ask for help

I can't save myself, this is the place where I still can't forgive myself after many years

Even knowing...it's not my fault

04

Don't like to be worrying, don't like to mess up the atmosphere

Those sorrows are carefully transformed by me...

05

A light-hearted statement that prompts others to think I don't care,

But I don't know that this is just packaging, because I don't know what kind of emotion to use.

Some moments, I even hope badly,

Things could be a little more serious.

Is it more serious that I can be the perfect person who can be hurt,

I don't know if there is a standard to measure the socially defined injury, but I only know that the inner state is getting more and more distorted.

06

Later, I used to pretend not to care after talking about everything,

It won't hurt because others don't understand it!

I know I'm scared, but I can't do anything,

That helplessness is too profound.

07

Now, a few years later, I'm sitting in a chair in the consultation room again

(Like two years, like three years, like a long, long time ago...why am I still stuck here and can't get out

Still no answer, as always. Sometimes I get bored and can only rely on others to keep going,

I'm sorry I trouble you, I'm sorry I'm bad)

There are countless flashes in my head, why am I here again, why do I seem strange and problematic

Can she understand what I'm saying?

Still like everyone else, I don't think it's alright

08

But she said...

You got me thinking of a whale that only emits 52 hertz,

But because most whales are in a certain vocal range, no one can hear it.

But yeah~ Later, scientists seem to have found similar whales in other places,

It's just that when I'm still searching, I can only talk to myself. This process seems quite lonely.

09

What I want to say is...

I seem to be able to speak in a way that everyone can understand slowly.

Or rather, I seem to have met,

Even if it is different, I am willing to try to understand and listen to what I have to say.

10

Thank you, and you,

Catch me when I'm about to fall.

Further reading:

[Exhibition Postscript] If water is like fire and sound, an exhibition about action "Be Water, Be Fire, Be a Voice: Actions in the Everyday"

[Rensen Mantoubao Series - Lecture Sharing] Read others, write about yourself / Fireworks Talk in March

About Me — IG 🔎 Liang Qian RUTH:

https://www.instagram.com/ruth_draw.dsgn/?hl=zh-tw