Death of an Artistic Girl #01

"The whole story is completely real, except for those parts that are purely fictional ." - Inventing Anna

I believe these fragments must exist. And in many places.

Day000

I am Xiao Zisui, and I will be twenty-eight years old in three days.

Before that, I spent most of my time in artistic production, doing everything I could to produce it, irrigating my dreams with enthusiasm. My respect for art continued to rise, but the money he could get for it stagnated.

Fortunately, when I was about 28 years old, I applied for the highest art palace in the country. I was finally able to maintain a simple life in this city and have my own suite for the first time. The Qiping room with toilet, buy some potted plants, put up some posters, this is my living place for the next year. There is no kitchen, but the landlord kindly paid me an electric kettle for making coffee with bubble tea. The cheap rent comes from the top floor. You can see the buildings with the sunset slanting at different heights. There are views and coffee. This is enough.

Day001

On the first day of registration, follow the supervisor to finish the process, find a place to live in the huge office, sit on the assigned swivel chair, and press the computer password according to the engineer's instructions. Watching the computer turn into "me" step by step, the computer screen said to me, "Xiao Zisui, welcome back." "That's it." The engineer faded out, leaving me alone, as if from the beginning to the end of the computer I installed it myself.

The radio suddenly sounded a violin, and said, "Good afternoon, my colleagues, please remember to save energy during your lunch break, and turn off computers, lighting, and air conditioners that are not in use..."

The lunch break belongs to me. I looked up at the exit of the office and there was no movement. It seemed that I was the only one who had heard the broadcast. She looked at me and lip-mouthed, "Do you want to ~ go~ eat~ dinner~" I nodded to avoid making a sound that disturbed the quiet office.

At the elevator entrance, I met Wan Lin's friend Yijun. Yijun descends from the upper floor, it seems that she is a higher unit. In the elevator from the tenth floor to the first floor, they briefly explained their pasts to me. Yijun is a researcher, and Wanlin is a curator. I said that I am a newcomer and only worked as an artist assistant. Please Lots of advice. We exchanged LINE with each other, and we formed a "Sisters in Adversity Group", the name is really appropriate, I smiled and said to Wanlin, Yijun quickly typed the words into the group name and said, "Let's have lunch together later. ”

The lunch meeting became a complaint meeting, and Yijun shouted that his job was to send and receive official documents. This was too untrue. What about doing research? Wan Lin felt that this job was too much for him. Does the supervisor have any brains? Listening to their complaints, I couldn't help but feel angry. I said, "I'd better come over for a drink tonight, and I'll resign when I arrive at my job." Why should I commit myself to this? At 8:30 in the morning the next day, the three of them still went to work on time. When they met each other at the elevator, they smiled knowingly. Continue, incarnated as a corner of the office without any sound.

Day030

The lunch meeting resumed, and the same topic continued.

"Why did the sending and receiving work fall to me?" Yijun complained.

"You want me to do something like holding a lecture? I'm not interested at all, I'm doing an exhibition!" Wan Lin continued.

They all forget that we are actually just "art administration girls", yearning for production but doing administrative work.

I still remember my first job as an assistant to the artist Xia Yongxiong. Because he is a new generation artist, he is both my boss and my friend. Yongxiong and I both graduated from the art department. I was rescued from the predicament of being unable to find a job in creation. I listened to Yongxiong telling about his dream, and gradually I joined his circle. Occasionally he would let me have dinner with his art circle friends, and then asked me if I was also creating; but he just "asked" and didn't mean to ask me to "answer". Yongxiong's friends always tell me that Zisui is really young, and then go on to say that it's good to be young.

Strictly speaking, Yongxiong actually values me very much. He often said that the future is red, and I am his best partner, just like Van Gogh and his agent brother, but Yongxiong forgot, Van Gogh Only one oil painting was sold when he was alive. It’s right to leave the complicated trivial matters of subsidy cases and application forms to Mr. Zisui. Mr. Zisui has the patience that none of us have. Mr. Yongxiong always recommended me to his artist friends at the dinner table, and occasionally they would explain things to me.” Just like what Yongxiong applied for, it won’t take too much time to use it together.” Yongxiong joked, “Don’t poach the tattoo, he has to do his own creations.” I put the empty space on the table. I'm always smiling as my wine glass fills up listening to the compliments, which are the only rewards I get outside of the minimum hourly wage.

After working overtime until late at night, Yongxiong asked me to catch the last MRT to go home, because he knew that I lived in the border area of Taipei, and it might cost a lot to take a taxi later. Looking at the unique night scene of the Muzha Line, the lights on the street congealed into one piece, and seeing the whole city busy and not resting, I felt relieved.

In art, if there is light, it must first deal with its shadows. When the shadows overlap, the bright surface will emerge and the outline will be clear. As the artist Monet said: "The three-dimensional painting , it comes from its shadow, and so do people.” Xia Yongxiong is the three-dimensional, the light, and I always think that in this road I am like the shadow, a little more of me, a little more of Xia Yongxiong.

The circle of serving Yongxiong made me think that I can be called a part of the art circle, but I may not have noticed that the role of "shadow" in the art circle needs to be deep enough, so deep that you can't see your thumb. Most of them met me and still didn't recognize my face. Even though they complimented me at the meeting a few days ago, my self-introduction was always "I'm the assistant of artist Xia Yongxiong..." Can't wait. When I say my name, they will immediately greet me with a few words and tell me that there are too many people they meet every day, don't worry too much, just say that you are from Yongxiong, and I will know right away.

Art production is a sacred field exclusively for artists. It is a circle, and the tacit understanding of entering or exiting is only understood by people in the circle. Even though I graduated from an art university, I still can’t even get along. In the five years I have been with Yongxiong, I have come to understand that art administration is just an administrative job with the word "art", but art is still so charming.

Yijun and Wanlin turned to me, "Aren't you dissatisfied?" I turned to the news in the snack bar with a smile and said, it's those politicians who are doing everything every day.

#picture
Woman with a Parasol , Monet, 1875