si Kaoru | Self-awareness, release the suppressed self

🌿Re-awareness of the heart

Since the epidemic has heated up, the nursing home where my mother-in-law lives has prohibited family members from visiting, and she can only use video chat. I really couldn't meet each other in the past few months. I remember when the epidemic broke out last year, I wrote the Heart Sutra to my mother-in-law. Before the stroke, my mother-in-law was a devout Buddhist. Disciple, abiding by the Bodhisattva Precepts, an elder who practices at home, I have a client, she really looks like my mother-in-law, when I heard that she was ill, I wrote the Heart Sutra and gave it to her.

A while ago, her daughter came to inherit the inheritance. It was really embarrassing. In the past year, the yin and yang are separated. I really want to cherish the time with my family. Because of the epidemic, I can't see each other. Instead, I miss my family more deeply. , In the past two years of the epidemic, life, separation, death, and farewell have occurred, and I have realized many things. My parents are here, and my home is here. When I see the parents in the video, I feel much older. No matter how old I am, in In the eyes of parents, it is a child who can always retain the most authentic appearance, which is really a kind of happiness.

My mother-in-law suffered a stroke when she was in her 60s. In the past 16 years, she has forgotten her troubles. She is like a child. She doesn't know what troubles are. Letting her speak was not affected at all. Although she lost her ability to take care of herself, the learning area of her brain was damaged, and she forgot her troubles, which may be a kind of happiness to her.

🌿Release your mood

I especially understand that the years are quiet because someone is carrying the burden for you, but these 16 years have become my endless troubles. Only myself understand the mental journey of this journey. I don’t care about other people’s evaluation of my daughter-in-law, I only do my own. What I think I should do in my heart, many people think that I am a daughter, maybe I was really a mother and daughter in my last life! My mother-in-law and I are so similar, we even have the same personality, just follow my heart and do so many things to get through so many years!

I have been sick for a long time without a filial son, I have never experienced it, I can't feel this feeling, I am spinning like a spinning top, my mind was blank in the past, I can't think of my heart at all, busy giving, but there is no end, that kind of powerlessness It really makes people feel helpless. The cause that is planted will bear fruit. Over the years, my mother-in-law, daughter, and son have all exhausted myself. I can no longer bear it, and I feel like I am going to burn out.

🌿 Precipitate the mood

In the past, I was always very optimistic, thinking that as long as I put my heart into it, there will be results. After these hardships in life, I realized that the weather, the right place, and the people are indispensable. Everything is out of control, and only you can decide yourself. Only then can we save ourselves from the endless gray area by embarking on the path of finding ourselves and being aware of ourselves.

I once told the rehabilitation teacher why my mother-in-law didn't make any progress, why she always did the same movement, the teacher told me that my mother-in-law was injured in the study area, so she couldn't learn it smoothly, I took her to do five, Six years later, nothing has been accomplished, she still can't make progress, but I'm very scared, the days in the future will have no end.

I have been thinking about why the feeling of fear is always with me, I am too serious, I take my mother-in-law to rehabilitate seriously, I earnestly give everything I do to the children, and ignore the self-righteous giving, the other party may not feel love at all, sometimes Could be a stress.

After all, I still learned a good lesson in the heart of gains and losses. When I give, I hope to have an equal harvest. Many times, I can use my hard work in exchange for nothing. Time flies, these 16 years can’t be recovered, and I deeply gain I realize that the health of parents and the physical and mental health of children are the greatest blessings in life. I don’t know what the future holds. I only know that I am too persistent and serious, and sometimes hurt myself without knowing it.

Reinterpret the word "serious", let go of your gains and losses, just do your best, don't let yourself fall into the frustration of gains and losses, face it with a normal heart, let go of your greed , people are always dissatisfied, and good is better , more and more, "contentment is always happy", now I can slowly understand.

Being aware of myself is the key to unlocking my fear. I have forgotten myself. I have to slowly repair my inner world. I have accumulated too much. My soul has long been broken into pieces. Years, you always sacrifice yourself, only pay for your family, never complain, you always feel that paying for your family is a kind of happiness, you should pay for yourself most, wasted half your life, now you have to work hard for yourself, you should stop Step, slowly focus on your own world, you can see yourself, find the minerals deep in your heart, dig to your heart's content, and release your suppressed self.