Chaos Daily Essay | Hear Yourself

self-defeating

The previous article wrote about the mood of watching the movie "Waterfall", and only after it was released did I realize that the title of this article is actually different from the past. If it is " everyday essays ", the corresponding label is Chao s (chaotic, chaotic meaning), not Cosmos (regular universe), and the detailed meaning can be found in my first article in Matters. .

It was originally a typo, but I don't want to repost it to change the title (unless I want to participate in community activities) and it may be an unconventional post, which has led to a lot of suspicion of "taking pictures for nothing". So I've maintained this " mistake " title . But now that I think about it, maybe this can be a subcategory of the largest category of "everyday essays": Cosmos everyday essays .

This is a self-defeating setting. It is possible to find the law in life again. After the passage of time, I found out that for me, it is no longer just philosophical thinking. Therefore, it is no longer only articles related to philosophical thinking. Hang the "Cosmos" adjective. As a person interested in philosophical research, one should always avoid decoupling philosophy from life .

With that in mind, I shouldn't just attribute all the regularities , the possibility of finding the rhythm of life, to philosophy , but to me of course beautiful things like art, movies, and music . Therefore, in the future, as long as it is related to the previous three topics, it will be a new category: Cosmos daily essays. ( Well probably nobody cares about the title at all )

pressure

It is also the article "Waterfall" after watching. Originally, I pointed out the "Romance of Director Zhong". I wanted to echo the movie and also write my inner voice, the voice that often appears in my mind . However, I later found out that my nonsense was too much, enough to write another article directly.

I have not been diagnosed with "schizophrenia" like Luo Pinwen in the movie, but considering whether to go to the student counseling center, or whether to go to the physical and mental department to register, these considerations have flashed through my mind several times. . Fortunately, I have the God I believe in as my salvation. It's a good risk that I have this belief so that my life doesn't get out of control .

I still remember the first time in my memory that I admitted myself as a Christian in front of everyone. It was in a high school history class. When the teacher talked about the history of the spread of Christianity, he curiously asked the classmates in the audience: Is there any classmate present? Christian? Although I hesitated at the time, I still raised my hand and admitted it less than a second later .

The teacher asked me: What do you think it is like to have this faith? I remember that the answer I answered at that time was the same as today, and it has not changed at all, but today, in addition to briefly answering the content of the teacher , there is more rich life experience . As for the process of belief, I will write another article when I have time.

I said to the teacher: That's some kind of guarantee that you know you'll never break down. The teacher was at a loss, and immediately asked me: What do you mean? Before he could say the word "thinking", he immediately said: oh oh oh so that's what you meant ! How old do you think you are ! Is high school life really that stressful?

I guess he didn't react at the moment. It was indeed because my answer was definitely not among the 100 kinds of responses he preset, or maybe it was because when he found that he couldn't respond to me with the answer he originally thought, his thoughts returned to "" As a teacher , an adult " certain thinking mode , can I understand my feedback .

hear myself again

Here are some of the first things I noticed when I went to college: I have friends around me who are mentally ill at a far greater rate than I knew in high school . Maybe from what I feel, this number may be a bit exaggerated, but if all of your friends on Matters know that my major is the philosophy department, it should not be too surprising.

According to the statistics of my friends and the people I know, the ratio has changed from 1% in high school to 10% in college

Students of liberal arts departments are indeed more likely to have this situation. They bear too much pressure, hear too many voices that do not belong to them, voices expected from others , do not believe that they have such a good voice , do not think that they are The voice that deserves to be loved, the voice that does not want to deduct points in the eyes of others , the voice that does not recognize who and what kind of person he is ...

These voices are all kinds of accusations that split the self and alienate the depths of my heart. I have thought about these accusations several times, because I am worried about how I look in other people's eyes. The more paradoxical thing is, facing the more intimate people On the contrary, the more you care , the easier it is to hear this voice .

We can't hear our own voice anymore, but maybe that's it, two of my deepest lines in both of Zhong's films point to the same thing. What is the purpose of getting along with others? Just to see you and chat. Yeah, when can we say that to ourselves ?

We don’t need to force ourselves to “must get better soon” but to “believe that we can get better”,
These two feelings are actually completely different!

My best friends, my beliefs, those I love and those who love me remind me that there is never anything , there is never anything that is " what should we be doing ", absolutely nothing , What remains are our beliefs about ourselves, and that's it, today , in the past , and in the future .