z and my past--Part 1 <Disqualification in the Human World>

I have been writing this for a long time, and I don’t remember when I finished it. I only know that I wrote it very ventingly, so there will be many places that need to be added. Otherwise, after ten years, I should not know that I am writing. what.
This should be the last post on Z, unless I still have a treasure trove digging through the cracks that I missed.

<Human disqualification>

I finished watching Bungo Stray Dogs anime during winter vacation. Because many people mentioned in their experience that Fumino's Dazai Osamu is similar to Dazai's Oba Yezang, so they decided to re-watch the disqualification in the world.

Surprisingly, this time I turned to 1/3 and couldn't watch it any longer.

I want to run away.

During the whole reading process, I kept thinking that when I read it for the first time, I probably just had the feeling of wanting to read it as soon as possible, and just flip through the story. Anyway, at that time, I mainly read it so as not to violate Z’s enthusiastic recommendation, like the song “Reading” written by Feima (Note 1); or because the prepared topics were about to be exhausted, I had to read it in order to get closer to him.

In short, that time was not actually called reading. When I read it, my mind was full of z, without any desire and curiosity that reading should have. At best, it can only be called browsing, so I didn’t notice so many details. ...... Until today, when I really have the ability to read it, reading it in one breath is like a torture to my soul.

However, even though he knew that he could never go down that path of decadence, after careful reading, Dazai's writing ability in every three lines that must resonate with his heart is still surprising. It is estimated that I didn't understand it before, so I rushed to the conclusion that it would be very sad or pity the protagonist after watching it.

In fact, the first time I read it, I didn't particularly want to escape and read it quickly (Note 2), mainly because the protagonist was too similar to the z who recommended the book to me, and I couldn't bear to continue reading the sad plot with the mentality of watching it; This time, however, I fled in a panic, like a burglar caught in a headlight—so, now that I think about it, when we were discussing human disqualification, I said that I resonated, which must be false.

However, beyond words, what makes me more sad is that the memories in the book were opened by surprise, and the dusty sentences flew up like smoke after opening a magic book, reminding me of us.

In fact, I remembered that passage (Note 3), which was the main reason for my disqualification in escaping from the world.

Note 1:

"Open the book/Lead the word/Follow the sentence/Run away all at once/Only left/A best-selling title/And everyone talks about/The name of the author/Surely a good book"--(non-horse)

Note 2: My first time watching Disqualification in the World

"I'm so sorry for being a human being." Actually, this article should have been written a few days ago, but after reading "Disqualification in the World", I really didn't feel in the mood.

I was really depressed for a long time.

Maybe because I waited for a long time, I was very happy when I got this book, which caused the contrast after entering the text was too great.

The phrase "I feel that my soul was shaken very hard", not just once, but several times, I was shaken, I felt nauseous, I wanted to vomit, I couldn't cry any more tears for this person, it wasn't enough Describe my depression!

Thinking of this book for several days, the whole soul fled in fear and wandered away.

In the book, I saw the despair and decadence of almost everyone. The most unknown side of my heart was suddenly turned into words, and a long paragraph appeared! (----What is written here should not be my side, I saw the z in my fantasy and I am very distressed.)

It is an unbearable weight in life.

I really feel that if you know that you are actually happy, don’t say anything about despair easily. And don't be easily disqualified in the world, whether you look at it or pretend to be or claim it at will.

It's hard to say whether I recommend it or not, but I can only say that even if I am full of sorrows, it is still worth it, and I have no regrets.

Note 3:

After reading the experience I wrote after reading the disqualification in the human world for the first time, I said:

"Perhaps because the reading at the time was not pure... In short, there was no passion that shook the bone marrow... In contrast, your experience made my heart tighten for a while, like stealing The thief felt like he was being witnessed. The witnesses let the thief go.”

A year later, I ran to read it again by chance, and then wrote this article, so it can be said that this article was deeply influenced by z.

Note 4:

I would like to add an explanation for this.

In fact, when I first wanted to write about him but didn't know where to start, I thought of disqualification in the world, because I wrote this paragraph to describe him (probably wrong):

......What is in his heart mixed with what, I don't know, in the conversation of messenger, it seems that he is very shy, but he is so talkative; he said that he likes being alone, but he likes to play bridge and play steak seven. The second Japanese flower card. For example, the name of Osamu Dazai is embedded in Schopenhauer's soul, especially the former has a great influence on him. In the drawer he called the girl disciple who gave the sword to the martyr, there are still some of his catchphrase - want to say shame but use "shame", when he sent a message containing these two words, I thought I read it Not sentences, but the corpse of an article.

The first time he mentioned Osamu Dazai to me, I didn't notice it, but I'm afraid the look in his eyes was a sullen excitement. I found out that it wasn't a sudden that he liked the disqualification of the human world, but the occasional high mood in indifference made me gradually realize how special Da Ting Ye Zang was to him - like an opium-addicted Qing Dynasty gentleman, his whole body was so decadent that he couldn't smell the first Two kinds of breath, except those two piercing eyes.

Maybe that was his personality from a split bone marrow.

(Omitted later)