Thinking After Resignation

This article was actually written at the end of February. It was originally posted on Medium; I discovered the Matters platform today, and it was also concurrent. Three months have passed since the writing of this record, and a lot of things have happened in the middle, which is very interesting.

Afterwards, I will slowly make records so that I can remember these thinking times.

At times like this, I am always grateful for the many friends who are by my side. Whether it's simply accompanying me, telling me not to worry, telling me about opportunities; all of them, thank you very much.

/

It’s funny, the feeling of leaving my job is like I want to break up (although I don’t have this experience, but I’ll take it for the time being) It’s like saying goodbye to someone resolutely, that kind of feeling ,Never had. The previous work was not of the nature of taking a case, or it was just part-time work; the time and goals were clear, and when the time was reached, the end would be ushered in. But working here for a year and a half is completely different from before:

The first time to work in the company system

First real exposure to advertising copy marketing

The first time I was told that I was a beggar with a monthly salary of less than 50,000

First time to travel to Central China

The first successful transaction student

First full online job

The first time I ran a project until the lecturer broke down and ran to be the Pearl of the Orient

For the first time, I confirmed to leave under repeated thinking

/

These are all part of life, good and bad.

/

A friend said he found me an interesting way of acting.

As soon as I think of what to do, I will immediately start doing various evaluations; if the evaluation is completed, if it is confirmed that I can do it, I will rush forward, regardless of whether it is successful or not.

Anyway, just do it, there is not much time, where can I wait.

/

But waiting is also something I've been practicing. This concept is very contradictory. I am practicing living in the moment and having fun while I am constantly reminded by God to learn to wait.

It's like pressing the accelerator, but suddenly an Arbor appeared in front of him, so he had to be anxious.

/

The so-called work, to put it bluntly, is a screw that allows the society to run smoothly; people shout, "Ah, I really don't want to work", but they can't really avoid it.

So everyone is diligent in recording their own projects and abilities, and showing them off, so that companies or anyone can decide whether to choose you or not, just like choosing a commodity.

Entered the social system, worked hard to be a screwdriver, helped the boss make money, and shouted "Ah, I really don't want to work" on a tired night after get off work, and then woke up the next day by the same alarm clock and went to work.

So day after day.

/

Strange, is life really supposed to be like this?

About a few months ago, when I saw people showing photos of themselves climbing mountains, I would feel envious. I felt that this person could live a good life, and he took care of his body and mind, which was amazing.

"I also want to be such a person" I thought at the time; a person who works hard on weekdays and goes out to climb mountains or travel for leisure on holidays.

Then I found out how many people are doing the same thing.

The dating app and social app were opened, and 7 out of 10 people posted photos of themselves going to the mountain, and the remaining 3 were probably spicy photos of going to the beach, and all of them had photos with food.

Oh, and my own photo, too, with the beer; it's also inexplicable.

/

Gradually, I began to notice that I never seemed to be an easily gratified person, so troubled. I don't even know what I'm doing to be truly happy and fulfilled.

Is this a typical civilized person anxiety? I do not know either.

Those people who climb mountains and travel are basically people in my comfort zone. The family environment, learning experience and growth background are not too different. Most people follow the rules of society, find a job, save money, buy a car, buy a house, get married, and retire.

Then, can you do what you really want to do after retirement? But what do you want to do?

/

Maybe he is not really suitable for such a way of life, but for now, it seems that there are no new tricks.

I also find it interesting and fun to do certain things, but let alone ten years, I feel terribly boring when I think about doing the same thing for the next year or two.

/

Now I still have leisure time to think about this kind of society and screw problems. It has fully demonstrated that I may be a fuss-free boy who is too full and idle, or because I have not been fully baptized by society and grown up, I have these and some thoughts.

People who are busy surviving should not have time and mind to think about these things; but I also deeply admire these people, who have (be) chosen their own life.

After all, I'm not a headless fly anymore; I'm probably just that, lying next to the flytrap, but I'm too lazy to fly, so I'm lucky not to be stuck with the rotten flies that stick to the board.

/

At the end of last year, I had a new realization about life that "if there is a problem that can't be solved, just leave it alone" and I really did.

However, I found that even if it is left, there is still a difference; it may be like how much is put in, whether it is really put away, etc.

The mouth said to keep it, but the brain couldn't synchronize; the brake and the accelerator were stepped on at the same time, and the car must be broken soon.

In the end, even if I really didn't do anything, I kept thinking over and over again in my heart, so it shouldn't be really letting go.

/

Maybe not knowing what you want to do is also a kind of knowing; just like not choosing is also a choice, comfort yourself with a machine-broken tongue twister.

/

After mentioning resignation, I got a lot of peace in my heart, and I could start thinking about what I want in life.

It is possible that I am playing well now, and I will go back to work to earn money after a few months. It is also possible that in the next days, I will find a different opportunity fortunately.

But I still thank the friends who accompany me, this is sincere; thank God for letting these people exist in my life, so that I can have the courage to face everything in the future.