Experience and Reflections on Returning to China

" The term "New Shanghainese" originated from an article in the 5th edition of the People's Daily Overseas Edition on December 13, 2001, from the words of Huang Ju, then secretary of the Shanghai Municipal Party Committee: "New Shanghainese, they are a The kind of people who can break through the world are the people of the world and the Chinese. Shanghai should have a large number of the world's best talents, and at the same time it should become a lake of living water for talents to come and go freely. Shanghai was originally an immigrant city, and now it needs to be a place for talents to come and go. become a new immigrant city in the flexible flow of

(1)

At the end of December 2021, I will leave Shanghai and fly to Lima, the capital of Peru in Latin America. By then, I have been living in Shanghai for more than half a year. Because I like this city very much, I will move here from Beijing in April 2021. Shanghai has a variety of buildings, a dazzling array of street shops, people dressed in fashion and chatting and laughing on the streets. The look is deeply etched in my heart.

Shanghai, in my mind, has become a city with diverse and open characteristics. At that time, I wanted to buy a house in Shanghai and seriously considered whether to settle here in the future.

When I left Shanghai, I didn't do much preparation and deployment, because my plan was to return to China in two months, so considering the short time away, I didn't have time to deal with many affairs. However, plans can never keep up with changes. When I arrived in Lima, I began to prepare to buy a return ticket, but Omicron was raging in the country in an instant, and Shanghai was the first to bear the brunt.

In my overseas days, although I was exploring the new world, on the other hand, my heart was tied to the screen of my palm-sized mobile phone. Every day, I checked hot news and closely watched all the domestic developments. At the same time, due to the impact of the epidemic, the air tickets returning to China experienced a large-scale circuit breaker, and the price of air tickets gradually rose, and it became difficult to find a ticket.

In February, news of circuit breakers emerged one after another. In March, the conflict between Russia and Ukraine affected my originally scheduled flight route, and the plan to return to China was postponed again, and the return ticket at that time had been fired to 100,000. By April, On the one hand, the price of air tickets remained high, and on the other hand, Shanghai announced the news of the closure of the city after many swings. Therefore, I decided to temporarily shelve the plan to return to China.

I think that the closure of the city should end in a few days according to the official statement, and it will not be too late to go back by then, but then, I have seen countless absurd and outrageous things in the circle of friends, Weibo, Twitter, YouTube, etc. Videos and articles. Afterwards, I quickly contacted a few good friends in Shanghai and asked them about their situation. The responses I got were the same as those who spoke on social platforms. At that time, my heart was extremely cold.

The heart that was eager to return to China suddenly fell to the bottom. Looking at the devastated Shanghai city of the past, the "disappointment" from the bottom of my heart enveloped me.

On the other hand, Ai and his father's attitude towards China also changed, and regret and disappointment also filled their faces. The two of them really like China. His father himself flew to China four times a year, and even established a Latin American baby product alliance. Before the epidemic, businessmen from several Latin American countries would be regularly organized to visit China and travel. His mother often joked that his father was a Chinese in foreign skin.

I remember that during the lockdown, there were a lot of outrageous videos. When Ai told his father, his father's first reaction was absolutely impossible, it must be fake. But until he saw the video, his father was also silent. Faced with this situation, I am even more helpless. After all, who wants foreigners to express their disappointment with their home country?

Although the situation is not clear, I always have to go back instead of wandering overseas. On the one hand, some matters in China were completely unfinished before I came out. On the other hand, the long-term stay may have some impact on my visa application records in the future.

At that time, Ai and his father had also been trying to help me find a way to return to China. At that time, his father suggested that I go to Hong Kong to transfer and then go back to China. Even if a ticket was hard to get, there were plenty of air tickets from Lima to Hong Kong, and the price was only 800 US dollars for a ticket, but when I called the immigration official in Hong Kong However, the reply I received was that it clearly emphasized that "mainland Chinese residents" were not allowed to enter the country.

At that time, I could actually feel from the bottom of my heart how "one country, two systems" was working on me, and Ai and his father couldn't understand it.

Because in the eyes of foreigners, although Hong Kong is slightly different from the mainland, they do not have any similar problems when it comes to entry and exit. They will not ask for a separate Hong Kong and Macau pass with a passport, so they fly to Hong Kong. It is the same as the mainland, but as a mainland Chinese, it has a strict entry policy.

Later, after several twists and turns, we bought nearly 70,000 return tickets from the ticket agent, but after arriving at the airport, we were stopped due to the split ticket and asked to contact the embassy to prove that my destination was China.

I felt extremely absurd. With the idea of grasping the last ray of hope, I immediately contacted the embassy. Of course, the negotiation failed in the end. After all, the embassy said that they could not prove that my destination was China. are unbearable.

I failed to return to China that day, and after losing more than 2w, I dragged my heavy suitcase, collapsed and cried at the airport, and returned to my residence with a face ashes. Ai's whole family was hugging me and comforting me constantly, and I think for them, it would be very absurd for this to happen.

Fortunately, after we studied many ways to return to China, we unanimously decided to apply for a Canadian visa and return from Canada. This way is relatively safe and affordable. The only problem is the flight interruption.

Although it seems that I was exhausted by the torture of returning to China, and even suffered repeated failures, but in retrospect, I have to feel that my luck is also very good.

First of all, although I failed to return to China in February as originally planned, I escaped the two-month lockdown in Shanghai. I can't imagine whether I can still maintain my last rationality and rationality to face a series of absurdities under such a life, whether I can not be treated as a close contact or an infected person and be pulled into a square cabin, on a simple camp bed Sleeping in the showroom with hundreds of people, sharing a messy toilet.

Secondly, although I failed to make it, I got a ten-year Canadian tourist visa from the Canadian embassy by accident. You know, the only reason I submitted the application at the time was:

I am going back to China.

The moment I got the visa, I was so excited that I almost cried, and my heart was full of mixed feelings. I don't know why the Canadian embassy gave me a visa for this seemingly ridiculous and unreliable reason, let alone why they gave me a "ten-year visa". US and Canada visas are notoriously difficult to obtain, let alone ten-year visas.

At that moment, I remembered a conversation I saw in a media interview and report before:

A: "Would you like to go abroad to be a second-class citizen?"

B: "What's more sad than being rejected in one's own place?"

I am so grateful to the Canadians who approved my visa and approved it, because they really wanted to believe that I had to go back to China to apply for a visa. They did not question my motives at all. When I was questioned by my own people, I However, I have gained the trust of foreigners. This feeling really makes me feel very uncomfortable. I don’t know how to describe it in retrospect.

Later, I arrived in Canada as I wished, and during my week in Toronto, I simply took some time to go to the heart of the city - the Ontario Museum and Art Gallery.

(2)

In my mind, a very important way to know a country and a city is to visit a local museum. Therefore, a museum is as important as the heart of a city in my eyes. It must record the city and the country. History.

As I wished, I gained a huge amount of information in the Royal Ontario Museum, whether it is the history of Canada, the treasures of Asia and China, the Middle East Egyptian and ancient Greek sculptures, etc., as well as some living fossils and dinosaur remains from ancient times. , It can be said that the entire museum is all-encompassing and shocking.

In addition to the historical display of the past, what impresses me the most is the record and reflection of the present.

On the first floor of the Ontario Museum, there are two exhibition areas.

An exhibition hall displays countless masks, each of which has a different shape and even some ethnic characteristics. The text on the side of the exhibition hall reads:

"One Mask, Many Expressions

To document the global story of the outbreak, ROM has collected more than 200 masks from around the world. Some manufacturers choose to donate their masks as a testament to their generosity during difficult times. The masks on this wall showcase a range of pandemic experiences — our moments of joy, cultural pride and reunion, as well as moments of unimaginable pain, isolation and devastating loss. "

Another exhibition area, called "My Pandemic story" (my epidemic story), this exhibition area reads:

“In early March 2020, none of us realised what was coming soon – shutdowns, deaths, younger generations changing. We invited Ontario’s children and teens to express their experiences with the COVID-19 pandemic. Through painting, sculpture, Poems and songs, they unearth a range of experiences - from fear, sadness, inequality and depression, to hope, perseverance, joy and healing.

As we emerge from these unprecedented times, this exhibition charts the pandemic and raises new questions about what childhood and young adulthood mean for this generation – now and in the future. "

At that time, I stopped by the four side-by-side paintings and looked at them for a long time. The words of the children on them made my eyes turn red.

Functioning (function) 16 to 18 years old

During the pandemic, I started answering the question "How are you?" with "I'm working" instead of "I'm fine," and telling the truth made me feel so much better.

Drowning in Isolation (drowning alone) 12 to 15 years old

I often feel like I'm "submerged" in all things COVID-related. The "before" surface is out of reach, and I don't know when I'll get it back.

Demons 16 to 18 years old

I use this self-portrait to express and process some of my emotions during the pandemic. It represents a constant struggle against my inner demon.

Under pressure (under pressure) 12 to 15 years old

Online learning is stressful and causes a lot of anxiety. We were cut off from friends and teachers, and we were doing the same thing every day without a break.

Below a song written by children between the ages of 16 and 18 for the epidemic, there is a small print:

This is helpful if you or someone else you know is dealing with loss or loneliness.

Another piece of information that stood out to me is the Art Gallery of Ontario, where in addition to a series of artworks, there are many digital images on display.

One of the digital images is titled: Police Violence Archive Video 2020

translate:

"I rebel—therefore we exist."

"I resist - so we exist."

- Albert Camus, The Rebel

The works in this section highlight the significance of the camera in modern and contemporary culture. The democratization of home photography and filmmaking has created a world in which one person can witness on behalf of the entire public, capturing some of the most important events in human history. Digital photography, which requires less capital investment and technical knowledge, has become more commonplace.

Today, we can live stream protests against major socio-political events via YouTube, Vimeo, and other sites. The speed at which such videos are captured and uploaded remains astounding. These modern recording tools allow individuals to express beliefs, views, and opinions to audiences who would otherwise not know or reach them. In turn, we now have unprecedented awareness of the many injustices and grievances in the world.

The crisis of systemic police violence in North America has reached new heights since the 2020 murder of a black man named George Floyd while in custody of a white Minneapolis police officer. Citizen footage of the incident spread like wildfire across the internet, sparking protests in the US and Canada.

For four months, social media was flooded with first-hand accounts of people who witnessed police brutality against protesters. To document the vast body of evidence, Greg Doucette and a group of activist researchers created an online archive.

There, they captured thousands of videos, posts and screenshots from Twitter alone — a tiny visual snippet of what blacks and other marginalized groups have experienced and protested over the centuries. "

Of course, I also saw an exhibition in the art museum displaying 37 photo albums collected in different cities in China in the 1970s and 1980s, documenting the changes in Chinese society since the end of the Cultural Revolution.

Perhaps, without my trip to Canada, I would probably have missed these unforgettable exhibits in the heart of the city.

(3)

Only a few days in Canada, just in time for the Pride month at the end of June, whether it is banks, the stairs of shopping malls, the recommended seats of bookstores, restaurants, and even the rainbow signs in front of government buildings, including IKEA shopping. Bags also turned into rainbows.

Those topics that are taboo or even shameful seem to be a "justifiable" here, showing a completely different set of value systems.

In the past, when I looked at these pictures and news reports through the screen, I couldn't feel such an atmosphere, but when I was in the environment, the violent impact on my heart was completely different from watching the news. .

Luckily, both my previous and subsequent flights had circuit breakers, but this one of mine did not. So, I successfully boarded the flight from Toronto to Shanghai.

After returning to China, there was a sharp contrast between the crowds at Shanghai Pudong Airport and Toronto Airport. The bustling airport in the past was full of gloom and solemnity. In the cold airport, only staff wearing white protective suits could be seen.

It took nearly five hours before and after getting off the plane, queuing up for nucleic acid testing, and finally arriving at the quarantine hotel. I remember that during the nucleic acid test, a girl passed by covering her nose and told us that her nostril was bleeding.

At that time, our group was praying that we could be assigned to a friendly nucleic acid tester. Fortunately, the staff who did the test for me were pretty good and didn't make me feel great pain.

After arriving at the quarantine hotel, seeing the devastated appearance of the hotel, I couldn't help but sigh again. The quarantine hotel is only more than 100 meters away from my residence. The quarantine fee of 580 yuan a day is not cheap. I cannot order takeaways such as cooked food and beverages. Unfortunately, the designated daily 100 yuan quarantine meal even made me eat insects. The hotel Then gave me a can of instant noodles.

However, unexpectedly, I was really lucky.

The day after I was quarantined, the new quarantine policy was changed from 14+7 to 7+3. Although the New Deal was launched on June 28, I got a clear reply message that I could enjoy the New Deal today. Seventh day of my quarantine.

By this time tomorrow, I should have returned to my familiar place and can relax and rest.

Of course, nothing has been recorded for a long time. It has a lot to do with my return to the country this month, so tomorrow night at 8 o'clock in the live broadcast room of my video account, I will do a podcast live broadcast. The themes will revolve around: middle class, finance, immigration issues, etc. topic related. If you are interested, welcome to the live broadcast room. If you have any related questions, you can also bring them together.

The live content will be synced with the "Nothing" podcast after a week, so it doesn't matter if you can't come, just listen to the replay.

Looking back on what I have seen, heard, experienced and experienced in the past few years and the past six months of the epidemic, I have somewhat made me think more deeply about the future.

In 2018 and 2019, I was almost twenty-five years old, and I lacked interest in information and knowledge at the macro level. More thinking perspectives were placed on the individual and the micro level. The change occurred in late 2019, until the outbreak began. Since then, my focus on the macro level has become more frequent, for reasons I previously wrote about in a speck of dust in the times .

For me, exploring different parts of the world and having an in-depth dialogue with local residents, whether they are later immigrants or local residents, have a great effect on restoring some truths that cannot be touched in textbooks.

I remember, when I was visiting the Inca ruins in Cusco, I asked Ai:

"If the Spaniards came here to visit, would they be willing to admit their history of plundering and occupying Latin America?"

Ai told me with a smile that when he was studying in Spain before, his university professor, when referring to this history of aggression, said, "I can't find absolute evidence that xx is an act of aggression." Of course, if you visit here in person , you will see evidence of everything from the roads, the mixed architectural styles, the attitudes of the native people.

Reading and traveling are two things that complement each other.

Many people have never been able to step out of their own one-third of their land and go to the outside world to take a look, and a lot of information can only be obtained by relying on the news pushed on the screen. Take your stand.

During the epidemic, physical confinement has hindered the dissemination and circulation of information to a greater extent. When receiving information becomes limited, the truth that people can see in their eyes will be like a leopard in a tube or a blind person touching an elephant, losing its relative comprehensiveness.

Therefore, even if they are Chinese citizens in a political sense, the emotional resistance and trauma suffered by those who are overseas or in high-risk areas, I believe it is difficult to recover in a short period of time.

The external environment will give you some ideological impact, and these things go deep into the daily life of local residents. It is difficult for you to obtain this information only with books.

Even me, when I see some phenomena, my subconscious reaction is "could it be like this?" On the contrary, the local people will be surprised by my fuss and ask me: "Why not?"

The strong contrast brought by the environment will have some inertial effects. When I went from home to abroad, there was a period of transition and acceptance, and when I returned to China, it also took a period of transition and adaptation. This contrast is not brought about by simple eating habits and lifestyles, but there are many transformations at the level of consciousness.

You need to accept the emotional resistance of some people to the returnees, accept the setting that you come back from a place where the epidemic is raging to pollute the pure land, accept the setting that you bring trouble to the country for the epidemic prevention personnel, and accept your return. The state is a sin. This feeling of hatred and resistance from fellow countrymen may only be so magnified at special moments.

Reminds me of Cao Zhi's seven-step poem:

"Boil the beans and burn the bean sprouts. The beans are weeping in the kettle. They are born from the same root, so why is it too urgent to fry each other."

In the end, the twists and turns of returning to China this time gave me an unexpected harvest and comfort.

In this world ravaged by the epidemic, in some corners, people earnestly record specific stories and specific feelings that happened to those specific people.

The specific expression and presentation of some people's faces, voices, and emotions make people feel at their fingertips, instead of being transformed into abstract digital symbols, without grand narratives, and without the majestic words of "victory in the battle". In the exhibition hall, only specific people, with their stories and emotions, are quietly displayed.

At that moment, I saw the specific people affected by the epidemic in the stories and works on display, and I also heard their voices and felt their emotions.

Some stories and emotions should not be easily erased, they should be recorded and expressed as a testimony of an era.

Weibo @ slash girl Fan Misuo

Podcast @Nothing

Telegram group: https://t.me/misso0513