"Desire to live, but fear to live."

"In that future where only me is left."

Having survived the year of serious illness,

I feel like I'm on the surface to breathe,

But I know my current situation,

It is millions and tens of thousands of times worse than the year when he was seriously ill.

Shouting helplessly,

I hope I don't get knocked down,

But only to meet this journey and it could be worse,

The usual complaints and jokes,

Let anxiety swell in daily life,

natural medicine,

Naturally forget to take medicine,

Awakened by fear again.

I fear so many things,

So much so that I don't even understand what I'm most afraid of.

I used to think that writing this work was my dream,

Only later did I realize that it might just be an escape.

Because in this space I built,

love exists,

sickness may be cured,

The imminence of death only makes love purer.

But the unchangeable fact is,

My extremely ordinary longing and yearning,

It was as rare as a midnight dream.

We had to get twisted,

to survive in this twisted world,

And I'm rascal, stupid,

I want to always resist with naivety.

Even if there are too many things to fear,

Or habitually ordered a hamburger,

I clicked on The Legend of Zhen Huan, which I watched for the thirty-fifth time.

turn out to be,

I am so greedy for living,

Fear of survival.