Should mistakes be forgiven? From <To H: I used to be a scumbag. > A discussion of two viewpoints

Do you believe in true love?

If you believe, then when your other half met his true love (sorry not you) and left you resolutely. Would you be willing to believe that true love is perfect? Or torn apart to preserve your true love? If you are interested, you can watch the interpretation in the movie "Flower Cafe", you need to think about it, but I think there are probably few people in the world who can do it.

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Regarding this article, it is for Writer H < To H: I used to be a scumbag. Now that I have met my true love, my ex-girlfriends are all pregnant, and my true love knows the truth, what should I do to keep this relationship alive! ? 〉The feedback after reading the article was originally shared on my personal Facebook. At that time, it was released for a limited time, and it has been locked for paid reading. Otherwise, after reading the original text, you can better understand the context and reflect on the next theme, which is a pity.

"I used to be a scumbag..." In short, this man is too scumbag, he has spent a lot of time, and is still in the current school (he said true love) for observation period, and finally when he wants to agree... . Just popping out of the "double happiness" with his ex-girlfriend, the girl naturally doesn't want to hang out with him anymore. (Or because I'm a girl and think these concerns are justified?)

With the memories of being hurt in the past, I would like to take this opportunity to appeal; but the most important thing is because of the bad-hearted ME, who likes to gossip and gossip the most modern newspaper theater. Because the stories around you and me are always better than ghost stories.

But this article wants to put aside the tangled emotions and the incomprehensible mentality first, and discuss two key points:

1. Should the wrongdoer be forgiven? as well as

2. How hard is it to have hope for the unknown future?

▍Should I forgive my mistakes?

I think mistakes themselves are difficult to make up; but those who make mistakes need to be forgiven.

It is purely based on a kind of " when I accidentally make a mistake, I also hope that others will give me a chance to change, regardless of past suspicions. "
But if you want to be forgiven for no reason... I ask, why?

Usually, according to the severity, there is a corresponding price to be paid.
From my long-term social observation, I figured out the SOP for emotional crisis and admitting mistakes . There are three steps.

▍Three steps to admit mistakes

[First step] At the very least, an apology is required.

How to handle the apology just right, without appearing hypocritical, but also deeply distressed, is actually a knowledge!

【Step 2】Write a letter of repentance

It's not just a matter of writing a few "I was wrong"! If you don't reflect and admit your mistakes, you will only be more annoyed.

Everyone must have had experience. When your girlfriend or wife is angry, telling her " it's all my fault " is definitely the switch for a quarrel in a playoff. (Welcome to have the courage to try)

[Step 3] Finally, show your sincerity! make up your mind to repent

Find out what's wrong and think about how you can improve it? Then it takes time to show sincerity. But "sincerity" is the same as "net celebrity". If you talk about yourself, it will be a bit weird.

The worst thing is that it is very likely that you have done all of the above, but what should you do if you still ca n't be forgiven ?

True repentance is your business, but whether to forgive or not is someone else’s business

So ah~ don't focus on whether you are forgiven or not. Because you probably didn't get it, and you're lost again.

Instead, try to set things like " no longer disgust with your actions " and " no guilt in dealing with people ". This is not to please your dishes; because the dishes will change and the taste will change. Believe me, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to do it for others. Let's break through for yourself, just like you broke through all kinds of surveillance at that time~ (Tweet Mi

Cognition determines behavior, behavior affects choice, and choice determines outcome

If you really hate yourself like this, change it.
Ah, if you think about it and don't hate that, let's continue.

▍How hard is it to hold hope for an unknown future?

We all believe that people change.

Why is it so easy to "turn from good to bad", but "from bad to good" is so hard to believe ?

Internet articles or some strange group, as long as they use the name of positive energy, they can attract a vote of likes and forwards. Do you find it difficult to hold on to hope? Why do people always get used to seeing things in "desperation" ?

Maybe, you're just a "trained" pessimist.

・・・

In the 1960s, an American uncle did something that will definitely be caught and questioned by security groups today:

There is a dog hook in front, it is a cute dog hook~~ (((ﾟДﾟ;)))

This guy locked the dog hook in a cage, and also made a device that electrifies it, as long as the buzzer sounds, it will be shocked once. That is to say, one ring, one click; two rings, and the electrician will tell him earnestly:

"You can hit eight o'clock again."

(((ﾟДﾟ;)))

Don't be crooked, tell the story seriously. Cough cough!

At first, the dog was electrocuted into unbearable pain and kept hitting the cage trying to break free, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't escape successfully.

After repeating the experiment many times, this time, the uncle opened the door of the cage and did not intend to shock again. But the damn buzzer is still there.

It turned out that when the dog heard the "familiar" sound, not only did it not run away, but the first reaction was to lie on the ground, moaning and trembling.

This is the famous "psychological experiment" in history. The uncle who did the experiment was Martin Seligman, an American scholar at the time. Brother Martin later put forward the argument of [ learned helplessness ] .

Learned helplessness : It is a psychological phenomenon that describes the helplessness that people or animals learn from experience after successive setbacks . After accepting "failure" for a long time, people lack confidence, and even fall into the psychological quality of depression, despair, and long-term depression, making pessimism and despair a conditioned reflex .

Social media constantly broadcasts the news of "marriage infidelity", and now, divorce news even runs faster than marriage, which also invisibly reinforces our sense of "desperation". As a result, for some relatively rare or unwitnessed experiences, the subconscious reaction is "Ah, this is impossible?" "Don't believe him!"

It seems that the "prodigal son" has to wait until his own life is "Gan Nasai" Hong Kong style, and every time he is drunk, he may feel helpless in the wisps of smoke!

▍What do I think? (Intimate reminder: 18-58 criticism channel is about to open)

I want to balance the coverage as neutral as possible, but I am a girl and I admit that I have selfishness.
Especially when you see the other person as the only one who is taking off other people's clothes, your heart will be really broken and broken.

There is another point I am quite puzzled, he mentioned " I don't know why I want to date X "

To me, this is really irresponsible.

Think about those professional pig teammates who are always holding you back, every time you are asked about the package:

"I don't know" "I don't know" "No way"

Ah, you don't have anything else to say to return?
After listening to it, I really want to punch them both (just kidding, my sister is the most kind)

At the same time, it is a very despicable method, with a silent protest,
Vaguely expressed: " I don't know, what are you going to do with me? " (Innocent face)

Or he never cared about the feelings of the other half,
I don't think it's a big deal at all.
It has no effect on life, and eats people and lives according to the appointment.

Either he never seriously responded to his needs.
Well, physiologically it's back to full; I mean psychological needs.
As the writer H mentioned in a palindrome, if it is a "sex addiction", it may be time to seek treatment.

If you think about it seriously, it's really not a simple and happy thing ( hey, learned helplessness w )

Then don't persuade anything: cherish girls!
Because what will be cherished doesn't need anyone to talk about it.

Okay, finally, let's be a little bit more positive~
Share a quote from "Miracles Out of the Sky" that I have always liked:

— " It's about having each tiny wish come true, or having something to eat when you are hungry, or having someone's love when you need love. "

 May you get lost here: "When you want to eat, you have to eat, and when you want to be loved, someone will love you." 
I think this can be considered "happiness", right?

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