Thoughts/Talks: Anxiety & Desires & Career Choices

I feel that my previous thinking—I wanted to be a programmer since junior high school—is changing little by little.

I don’t know if it’s the influence of events like “996” that broke out in big factories in recent years. My vision of “developing apps/games” has gradually faded, and what I’ve learned so far tends to be “cluttered”. Touch some AI and see. Learn economics, pay attention to the financial market, engage in simulated trading, and even go to a bar to be an apprentice during the holidays or go to the currently noisy "children's programming" institution to teach classes - recently forced by various reasons also failed to achieve.

I don't know when it started, I seem to be more and more "utilitarian" and "realistic" - on the one hand, I try to make rational decisions, reduce expenses, learn money management, and start thinking about career choices. Influenced by my brother-in-law (a very powerful person), I began to think about career planning. However, I haven't gotten the answer yet. The conclusion I got is that I'm still very naive, and I feel a little helpless. I don't have any superb talent or any external advantages. What I have seems to be only some information I know in advance and do things in advance. I got some stuff, that's all I have.

The only thing I can be thankful for is this: I still have desire . I was watching "Squinting" recently, and there was a sentence that struck me: Anxiety is brought about by the disappearance of desire. In other words, I'm not anxious at the moment, but because of the lack of information I haven't found the answer - and because of that, I still have desires - so I'm not anxious when I write this.

Just thinking like this, starting to deduce along the lines of thought, the desire will become clearer, and the anxiety will disappear.

But when some people start to speak, my vision starts to blur again, and I can't see desire again - words and narratives do indeed have an impact, because other people's narratives affect their own narratives, I don't know when I the desires of others are replaced by the desires of others? Should we consider whether our desires are missing when we start to feel anxious? What is your narrative - we have to rely on our own narrative

And yet I'm typing this text, whatever, have some coffee, some JAZZ, I'll write whatever I want, record the process word for word, and make the right judgment: I still have desire

Gan, I don't know the reason, I didn't keep a large part of what I wrote, it seems like a bug in matter and a network failure, I tried to restore the following what I wrote before... (Sigh, I don't expect a complete restoration

Remember to save drafts...

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