Why are Chinese people so nosy?

I admit that this title is a bit of a rant. But I still have to say it and write it. I don't have much malice, I just want to make fun of some things I have encountered recently when interacting with Chinese people. Of course, they are all individual cases, and we can't generalize. And I also want to know whether such situations only happen to mainlanders, and whether similar situations will not happen in Taiwan and Hong Kong.

The cause of the incident was that my mother called me a few days ago. I hadn't contacted her for about three months. This contact was very sudden. She suddenly told me that my father missed me and wanted to know how I was doing.

Let me briefly talk about my family situation. My parents divorced when I was very young, and I have been living with my father. His attitude is very clear, that is, he hates my mother and vows to never have anything to do with her again. But since I cut off contact with him, since I still keep in touch with my mother, he would ask my mother for some news about me from time to time.

I haven't been in touch with my dad for three years. I don't like him from the bottom of my heart. Before I left him, the sun was black, but after I left him, I felt much better.

That day, my mother sent a message on WeChat saying that my father missed me, but when I got through on the phone, I realized that she didn’t mean that at all. She only conveyed one message to me throughout the whole process: my father doesn’t support me staying abroad.

He had just recently learned from my mother that I was determined to stay in the UK. Then he immediately asked my mother to tell me the news. I felt really disgusted after talking to my mother that day. Maybe my life has been too smooth recently, so I never expected that it only takes a short ten-minute phone call to upset a person's mood.

In fact, I don't need to explain much, this feeling is easy to understand. Imagine that a person who has nothing to do with you goes to great lengths to make a cross-ocean call just to tell you that he does not support the life decision you made with great effort, courage and determination. And he knows very well that his support or disapproval will not affect your actual behavior at all. Are you kidding me? Telecom fraud can at least make some money, so what's the purpose of this call!

Of course, you shouldn't be surprised when I say my dad is "an irrelevant person." To say that about him is actually a form of beautification.

When I was a kid, I would never refuse if my dad took me to dinner with his friends or relatives I had never met. I only refused once, and that time he stuffed me into the car and threatened me not to open the door. I didn't listen and opened it, so he slapped me. I was stunned. If it was another child, wouldn't it be kidnapping? I lived with him for nearly 20 years in a semi-kidnapped manner. During this time, he kept threatening me, saying that my mother had abandoned me, that I was a motherless child, and even that my mother was dead, to prove that I couldn't leave him.

Isn't it a joke that such a person wants to guide my life? So, even if he misses me, I will just sneer. I can even say with confidence that I will not inherit his estate. As a human trafficker who kidnapped children, his wealth should be confiscated.

So, I think my mom and dad were too confused about this matter. They sent a message from afar, and I thought they were concerned about me and "for my own good." In fact, it can only mean one thing, that they are panicking. They just use this method to relieve their inner anxiety. What are they anxious about? Anxiety that I have chosen a lifestyle that their values ​​cannot accept. Because in their minds, I am the person closest to them physically, and I should agree with them in terms of values.

This idea itself is nonsense. If they are physically similar, why must they be mentally similar? Let's talk about childhood experiences. They both spent their childhoods with their parents, especially my mom, who had a relatively happy childhood. As for my dad, even if he was scolded by his father, he still had his mother and sister to love him. I didn't have a mother in my childhood, and unfortunately my father was a pervert. Every time I cried, I would only be scolded more severely. Who could I turn to? How could such an experience make me have the same values ​​as them?

I don't want to cry or blame them, I can only say that this is meddling in other people's business.

So now I am very sensitive whenever I see traces of my parents in other people. Unfortunately, I almost always see traces of them in Chinese people.

This Monday, I went to work as an interpreter for a Chinese couple. We had met several times before. We felt more intimate this time and talked openly. Unexpectedly, after just a few words, the lady suddenly gave me a serious suggestion, asking me not to be so decisive with my family and to contact them more often when I have time. She knew that I had a bad relationship with my family, but she didn't know the details. When I heard her "concern", the radar in my mind that detected "meddling" kept ringing. I thought that if she knew my experience, she would definitely not say such a thing. And the reason she said this to me was because her daughter was very distant from her. She often complained to me that her daughter didn't care about her and her husband. They were in the UK, unfamiliar with the place, and her daughter could speak fluent English, but she hardly helped them in life. She even asked me, an outsider, to do basic translation. The lady was educating me on the surface, but in fact she was educating her daughter; on the surface she was educating her daughter, but in fact she was relieving her own anxiety.

The more I experience this kind of thing, the more I feel that Chinese people subconsciously like to relieve their anxiety by "meddling in other people's affairs". And I feel that the effect is mutual. The more anxious a person is, the more he likes to worry about others; the more he worries about others, the more anxious he becomes.

I don't see this phenomenon with the British, not even once. When I was volunteering in a coffee shop, everyone from my manager to my colleagues and people working in other positions around me asked me, "Do you enjoy this job? Do you enjoy it?" This means that they admit that they don't know what I really think. There are many similar situations. They always try to force me to express my true feelings. Sometimes I can't help but say some hypocritical and nice words, and they immediately sense that I may be a little impatient and immediately stay away.

When I get along with the British, I learned to be a chatterbox and always keep the right to speak firmly in my own hands. When everyone does this, we will not easily "meddle in each other's business", especially in major life events such as emotions and careers. Of course, we will still give each other suggestions, but almost no one will take them seriously, unlike the Chinese, who say, "If you don't listen to me, your life will be over." In this atmosphere, you will naturally feel that it is the healthiest way to live to be in charge of your own thoughts and life.