The benefits of having sex

Aug 16, 2022

The day before yesterday, in the "Shenzhen Apocalypse" I wrote, I mentioned a point that I think is very important, the difference between emotional fluctuations and emotional numbness-

As I get older, my emotional impact on things is actually getting weaker, but I don't think it's a good thing that emotional fluctuations tend to stabilize. It only means that my desire and dopamine secretion are declining. External stimuli also tend to numb.

On the contrary, if there are some people or things that can keep my emotions fluctuating and my mind fluctuating, I will definitely hold on to these things, because for me, they are the most important things that inject vitality into my body, and even more so. My great source of inspiration and creativity.

Coincidentally, yesterday I was chatting with a few friends in my group, and a girl told me that she was very tired, and I only replied to her: "Find a handsome guy you like to come out for dinner, you will think the world is worth it." Pulled from emo emotions.

Today, I want to seriously talk about how important it is to a person's work and life to "like to play, be willing to play, and know how to play" .

I am an experientialist, and from my observations over the years, I think there is one trait that has been better preserved from childhood to adulthood, that is, "playability" .

Strictly speaking, "playing with sex" is a derogatory term. When I was a child, I often heard my parents train me to say, "You are a girl, how can you be so playful? Who is like you? Look next door xx (boy ) How much?"

How playful was my childhood? Kindergarten catches watermelon worms on the grass, mistaken caterpillars for rubbing plum kernels, catches tadpoles in the fields at the foot of Phoenix Mountain, climbs over walls without going through the gate, jumps from heights, climbs trees, and learns to ride a bicycle When I got half a catty, I went to find the little girl to carry, and finally rushed down from the high slope, hit a stone and both flew out...

When I went back, I was scolded by my parents in the face... There is a word in Hangzhou dialect called "Wushi Langdang", which is really suitable to describe me.

In the age of information technology, the advent of computers has magnified the playfulness in my bones. I have been exposed to computer classes since elementary school. At that time, besides learning how to use office software, create web pages, and use search engines to surf the Internet, our teachers encouraged us to play games with computers.

I am very grateful to the information technology teacher in the elementary school. He is tall, thin, young and handsome. He also organizes us to finish the course assignments and play CS for the whole class.

So at the beginning of 2000, I came into contact with games such as violent motorcycles, 100 floors of hell if a man, 4399, Red Alert, CS, GTA, etc., which combined strategy and violence, followed by QQ Hall, Pao Pao Karting, and Audition. Waiting for the rise of games, but the type of games I particularly liked to play back then were online role-playing games, Fantasy Westward Journey, World of Warcraft, Blood Rivers and Lakes, The Sims... If I didn't have the nurture and education of these games, maybe my state today Most likely it won't be like this.

In some role-playing games, players often train in the novice village to level 10 before they can start thinking about career transformation, such as choosing the future career development direction according to their own preferences - assassin, swordsman, pharmacist, etc.

During the game, you need to guide your character to explore the map. The map of Novice Village is not really big. Find key NPCs, get information from their mouths and start performing tasks at each stage. Burying some easter eggs requires luck and strategy to meet them.

After skipping the training phase of the novice village, you will realize that your game map begins to change from a small area to a large area, but the places you have not been to are dark and only outlines.

As a gamer, you need to think about how to expand the range of information you can access to reach an unknown field, what equipment and skills you need to help you survive and adapt better in that field.

At this time, you need to collect this information. In addition to what the NPCs on the map will tell you, the live players on the map can also share it with you. Often these experiences and levels are much higher than yours, and they will also be in a hurry. Doing quests and you'll need luck and strategy to fortify them as well.

I remember one time, I was passing through a wilderness and saw someone fighting a monster next to me, so I went straight up to help the opponent fight the monster together, so after the battle, we quickly became friends, and I asked for some quest clues At that time, the other party immediately gave me the information, and even took me in the role to the place where I was going to do the task, and helped me collect materials together.

Another time, I was playing the dungeon team mission of World of Warcraft. Since my role was a meat shield warrior at the time, I needed to cooperate with my teammates to attract the firepower of the monsters. I almost died several times. Fortunately, there was a pharmacist who was helping us go crazy. Milk blood, and unfamiliar teammates are also more powerful. Therefore, after the battle, everyone will appreciate each other's cooperation somewhat, so they add friends to each other and continue to play together next time they go online.

Now, I haven't played this kind of game for many years, but the inspiration this kind of game brings to me is very big.

The most powerful point of the game is that it creates an environment, creates countless difficulties, and allows you to experience an immersive experience. In this process, you need to fully explore the information in the game map, NPC information, and Understand the rules and taboos of the game, and at the same time you need to formulate a growth path plan and goals for your characters. At the same time, you also need to learn how to socialize with people in the real world in the game, how to cooperate with others and gain strong trust.

If you apply this idea to the real world, you will find that there are many similarities to fit. Now that I think about it, these games have really laid a strong foundation for me to embark on the path I am today.

For example, I learned various skills and intelligence in the villages I landed on, and I gradually upgraded. Then I will definitely start exploring when I am full of wings and enter other unlit territories, which are often larger than the size of your village. It is bigger and more prosperous, so after entering, you need to understand and explore and acquire skills locally, and build a local interpersonal network.

According to this logic, you can of course go to unlock other villages, and get the intelligence information, resources and personal connections from the local area.

Looking back at my own life experience, it almost coincides with the idea of playing games in the past. I just carried this idea into real life. So I don't have the obsession that most people have.

What is that obsession? I want to find a stable job, get a stable and guaranteed salary, and then buy a house in my hometown, get married, and give birth.

Of course, in my eyes, this is a kind of "obsession" that will lock my mind firmly, and then lock my physical body to explore outward.

But in the eyes of my parents, they will think that most people around them do this, and this is a stable and safe path, and you should also make this your life path.

There is no problem with their thinking, but the problem is that I will not think about finding a job to get a salary, trying to buy a house of my own, and working hard for the mortgage in my hometown. When the loan pressure comes, I will not dare to resign, otherwise The house will not be kept, the sense of security will be lost, then I will indeed lose mobility in my life, not to mention the possibility of exploring other territories.

If I look at life from the perspective of games, then I would not think about fighting monsters in the novice village where I was born, socializing with the people in the village, then building a house in the village, and living in this village for the rest of my life. .

Because the purpose of the game is not to let you stay in the village, but to let you familiarize yourself with the rules and gameplay of the world in the novice village, build basic abilities, and then encourage you to go out to explore a larger world and guide you to meet more possibility.

Therefore, the playfulness in my teenage years has precisely shaped this kind of thinking in my adulthood, and pushed me to a life path of exploring the world with an experience mentality.

After becoming an adult, my playfulness has not changed, because I have had a more diverse experience of play projects after leaving the village.

Yesterday, I shared with you in the group my thoughts when I learned to surf in Hainan last year. If you have seen my previous state, you may have a little impression of that time.

If the study of freediving is to teach me how to challenge my own limits by regulating my breathing, relaxing my body and mind to lower my heart rate and reducing the oxygen uptake state of the body surface, then surfing is just another way for me to experience "sea water" attitude.

This is what I wrote in my surfing diary:

I went surfing in the morning, boarded the first class, practiced on land a few times, and stood up the first time I boarded, but after a few times I started to play erratically. I fell on my knee twice, it hurt to death, a big piece bruises.

Getting up on the board is like practicing Burpee in the sea. 🏄‍♀️ Surfing is a sport that I personally feel is really difficult to learn, and it is not of the same order as diving.

I asked the coach: Why learn to surf? Still a coach?

He said: "Because it is difficult, there is a challenge. I always like the sea, and there are only a few kinds of sports on the sea. If you want to play well, you must observe every wave, the relationship between people and waves, and grasp every wave. A wave."

Me: "Then how did you observe?"

He looked at the direction of the waves, smiled and said to me: "I have been observing for more than a year, every day, but I don't understand."

Let me tell you how I feel, this exercise is really not easy, and I overestimated my physical strength. Just carrying the board into the sea again and again, and falling into the sea from the board again and again, has already cost a lot of money. Physical strength, and that feeling is being taught by nature again and again, a wave can make people hurt, even swallowed.

So sometimes I think about it, being able to invent the sport of surfing and ride the wind and waves at sea is really a harmony between man and nature.

During the whole process, I was actually madly questioning my learning ability, and I was screaming "it's too difficult" in my heart, but thinking about it, isn't it because of "difficulty" that I came to the challenge... Then look at the children next door, who are still happily learning, and doing things in their hearts Self persuasion works...

I think surfing is also a philosophical sport. It is not only about people and waves. People have to master the board first, in order to balance the relationship between people, boards and waves. The difference and variability of each wave is also a challenge to people in essence. Quick adaptability in the face of different waves.

Learning to surf is very good. It can make you fall over and over again, get up again and continue to challenge. You can stand firm on the wave and slide along the trajectory of the wave. Integrating this state and spirit into your study, life and work will give you You add a lot of buffs.

The difficulty of playing the waves by yourself is that sometimes you can't catch the waves, and you can't see the waves. When you look at a calm and gentle wave, you will instantly become a "mad dog" in front of you. It 's harder to see "waves" than "people". When you look at the calm and calm, you can instantly change your face and bite people at critical moments.

Powerful people can see this kind of wave at a glance. When you see the time, you can easily control the wave by getting up and riding on the board. On the contrary, the "wave" not only cannot fly, but can also be used by him, making him successful.

Today, I look back at this diary, and the surfing scene at that time is vivid in my mind. I did doubt myself during that period of time. I was taught by nature again and again. I couldn’t see the waves again and again. I failed to catch the waves and missed the best time to get up. He was beaten down on the beach and his nose was bruised.

Later, when I was doing investing, I found that surfing and investing are really similar.

Most of the time surfing is waiting. Even a person with surfing foundation can really catch a few waves in an hour, while a novice may get nothing in the afternoon, and can't catch a single wave. Investment is also, most of the time it is just waiting for an opportunity.

Therefore, you must know how to keep your heart down and wait. If you are impatient, a wave comes over, you miss it, or you take the wrong time, then you will be bruised and swollen.

And what the coach said to me at that time, I have always kept it in my heart. He said that he watched the waves at the beach every day, and he couldn't understand it for more than a year. Then, even an experienced expert in the investment market may not be able to understand it. Really able to understand the volatility of the market.

Sometimes, I myself use reason and logic to deduce a good ticket, but the result is often the opposite of your reasoning, and sometimes I am not optimistic about the ticket, but it will jump up and down in an abnormal state. , becoming a veritable "demon stock", breaking all people's logical deductions.

So, going back to the sport of surfing, I think if you don't know how to observe the wave, don't understand its regular temperament, and try to conquer it, you will be taught a lesson. The same is true for returning to the market. If you want to conquer or beat the market, you will often end up being taught a hard lesson by the market.

But if you can really grasp your own rhythm, then the market can help you and dance with you. At that time, the relationship between the waves and you is no longer a confrontation and conquest, but mutual achievement, the relationship between the market and you. , the same is true.

Stock trading is fun, surfing is fun, and if I lack understanding of either, then I can't relate the two, and "playing" for me has really helped me see a lot of things with new eyes.

Likewise, going back to dancing, a friend's comment on my status that day also brought back my memory at that time. About the dance log, I wrote this-

On the way back from the dance, I kept reminiscing about the entire dance process.

I found that a dance partner is really important. Whether a dance can make you happy or not depends very much on the partner's ability to lead the dance. I have changed about seven or eight dance partners, and I found that there are two dance partners who lead the rhythm very well and teach very well. .

Later I asked one of the boys who had a good lead dance, why did he learn salsa and Bachata? He told me that at first he went to a nightclub and wanted to learn to dance, but later he was told that nightclubs couldn’t learn that, so he took dance lessons by himself, and he didn’t dare to invite girls to dance in the first year, he just sat and watched others Jumping, I always feel that I can't let go, and I overcome it after a year.

As he danced with me, he kept telling me:

"You don't need to think that you can't dance, you don't need to think about dance steps and rhythm, relax your body, don't lower your head, just look at me or around you. Dancing is to release your body and follow the rhythm of the music. In addition, you need to take care of it. Your partner, if the other party is very good at dancing, it may not be a good thing, because you have your own rhythm with each other, but sometimes there are confrontations in the dance."

There are several dances I partnered with him, the rhythm is different, there are lyrical and cheerful, and there are very unrestrained Latin American songs, but each of his songs can be mixed with different dances. Salsa and Bachata take me together Jump.

Several dance partners were actually teaching me how to shoot xx, but I danced very restrained and unfree, but when I danced with this boy, I felt like I had no teacher, my body and music could move in harmony, and I danced very easily , I don't have to look down at my footsteps and worry about stepping on others, and I don't feel embarrassed or embarrassed.

In the end, except for turning too much and making my head a little dizzy, I really danced very happily... Thinking of dancing Latin and Cha Cha for 20 years, I met a very good dance partner, and I don't need you at all with the rhythm. Yes, you can dance well on your own.

Therefore, sometimes it may not be that you are too stupid, or that the teacher is not very good at teaching. It is actually very important to find a good teacher in any field.

For example, I have tested almost ten people in one test, and then I can understand who is really good at teaching, who is just showing off their skills, who has a variety of styles, and who is a dance style no matter what song...

In short, treat yourself as a novice and verify in many ways, and you can always find a teacher or coach (not just dance) that suits your own style.

Dancing, the inspiration for me is actually related to collaboration and mentorship.

We always think that teaching others, or learning from a teacher, starts with skills, but it is precisely when you start new things that forgetting skills can help you unlock the potential within your body. Otherwise, skills will not only not help you, but will also destroy your confidence and become your shackles.

Another point, collaboration issues.

If two people with their own styles and characteristics are very good at the same field, they may not be able to create and exert great team effectiveness, similar to "one mountain cannot tolerate two tigers"——

Two people who are too individual and strong together are like two gears with different speeds, which cannot be meshed at all. If one gear is relatively slow and the other is slightly faster, it can drive the gear instead, making the whole system work effectively.

If you want to use love, I think dancing can also give you great inspiration.

Is the other party trying to force you to use his rhythm to let you accommodate his pace, dancing very tired and restrained, or is it able to guide you in another way and let you fully release your energy in this dance? Attractive, feeling confident and self-appreciated? Even enjoy dancing with him?

Therefore, whether it is playing games, surfing, or dancing, I always believe that these seemingly "non-professional" leisure and entertainment activities will bring great inspiration to life, work, and making money, and doing these things may not be a waste. time.

If you don't know how to "do not work properly" or how to "leisure and entertainment", and just organize your time very tightly for work efficiency, if you are unwilling to touch and experience things that you have never experienced, then you are bound to miss more possibilities and perspectives.

Opportunities sometimes come out by "playing", and thinking also needs "playing" to have new inspiration. Over the years, my playful personality has brought me a lot of opportunities and growth, and my mentality is very relaxed and self-consistent.

I wish everyone can face life with a "play" mentality and laugh at life.

Finally, send a picture