038｜Multidimensional Interpersonal Value

Human nature is complex, and the relationship between people cannot be so simple that it can only be measured by the value of a "single dimension" . One of my thoughts recently is: "multi-dimensional interpersonal values" , and try to use this way of thinking and bring it into daily life.

The "single-dimensional" interpersonal value relationship will limit the perspective from which you see yourself.

Even in the employment relationship in the workplace, it is not just the dimension of economic value that determines your value. In the workplace, your relationship with superiors, peers, subordinates, inter-departmental relationships, and external (customer) relationships are not just an “economic value” .

If you only use "economic value" to look at your "employment relationship" with the company, it is easy to come to a conclusion: my value = my salary . This will limit your perspective on your own worth and hinder your own career development.

So how to introduce "multi-dimensional interpersonal values" ? The following is my thinking example, you can also have your own "multi-dimensional structure".

I divided the dimensions of interpersonal relationships into: economic value, emotional value, mental value, and companionship value . With these four dimensions, it can help me better take care of myself and the various relationships around me.

First, I weighted my interpersonal dimensions, which means what value I think is more important to me. My order is: emotional value > mental value > economic value > companionship value .

Why is sorting so important? Because it can help you explain why certain relationships make you uncomfortable , and why you maintain them anyway. The ranking of interpersonal values is also a tool for self-exploration . Of course, it's not set in stone either. As you go through, each of us, at different stages of life, places different values on relationships.

With multi-dimensional interpersonal values, it is like establishing my own "social compass" in the complex and ever-changing social world. I can clearly locate the expectations and needs of both parties in social relationships, and it can also help me see more dimensions of myself. More importantly, I found that no matter what kind of relationship you have, your ranking of values will basically remain the same. That is, it represents the underlying logic of your connection to the world .

I very much agree with Adler's theory that people's troubles are the troubles of interpersonal relationships. So how to use this mental model to solve problems in interpersonal relationships?

For a very simple example, let's go back to the workplace environment. Because "emotional value" is my top priority in interpersonal relationships, I pay attention to "company culture" and "team atmosphere". The second-ranked "mental value" conforms to my needs for "self-growth" and "self-improvement".

Facts have proved that the reason for my unsatisfactory work status is that these two values have not been satisfied, and I finally chose to leave. (Of course, if the economic value is highly crushing other dimensions, then I may reconsider hahahaha)

The person closest to your value ranking, no matter what kind of social relationship you have, will be in a relatively central social position. The other person may be your colleague, friend, family member or partner. Thinking about it carefully, my social circle just confirms my hypothesis.

And the interpersonal relationship "Kaka" we are talking about is likely to be the value that this relationship brings to you in your high-rank value ranking , which is lower than the low-rank value . For example: You desperately need encouragement and praise, but when the other party only gives you money and material things, you will feel dissatisfied. (Typical value mismatch in parent-child relationships)

When it comes to my intimate relationship, I can see that at this stage, the value of companionship (including physical relationships) is relatively low for me. It is also because I have gone through a series of processes of "self-awareness", "self-exploration", and "self-healing" that I have this order. ( So it's not "I hope the sorting is like this", when doing sorting, try to be honest with yourself. You can also put the value of companionship first, there is no right or wrong. ) So I am more eager and able to A deep connection to the person who provides me with "emotional value" is the most important thing to me and my compass for finding the ideal partner.

If you are interested, you might as well explore your own interpersonal value ranking.

May everyone become a better version of themselves and gain peace and love.