Someone who can understand your situation will eventually appear, even after a few years

Happy New Year 2022✴️

2021 has been a hard year for me! The hard part is to climb over the hills in my heart, as well as the ups and downs of work and relocation. Fortunately, I survived smoothly~

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Yesterday, after lighting the heart lanterns at Cihang Temple in Kansai on New Year's Day, many emotions were cleared out. When I woke up to go to work today, I felt very world-weary, and I was so distracted that I poured the coffee I bought to refresh my body.

During the lunch break, I rushed to call for help with my friends who majored in psychological counseling, and discussed how to appease these turbulent emotions, because I knew they were from the past, but I didn’t know what they were protesting to me.

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It is not the first time that I have encountered a situation where I need to concentrate on work but my emotions have been disturbed. When I was discussing with my friends today, I suddenly had an inspiration that maybe what was being adjusted was the excessive exertion of my character.

Innate perfectionists can't let go of every little detail, and always try their best to do what they think is the best in everything, so it takes twice as long to recover from fatigue after get off work. .

I knew I had to let myself go, but I didn't know how. Every time I make a mistake, I will stab myself a hundred times in my heart.

Fighting, I can't help but feel that I am too cruel to myself. It is clear that I will always be tolerant of others' mistakes, but I always condemn myself in a very severe tone to myself, who most needs to be supported by myself.

This is really too painful. Life is not easy, why not be kind and always work hard to face all of yourself? While recording these words, I understood myself and saw my own needs.

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Later, a friend suggested that you can "relax your body and mind, but focus your mind", and let your muscles remember the feeling of relaxing and doing things. Then temporarily put the past emotions in the box and open it after get off work.

Of course, there are still busy and chaotic times at work in the afternoon, but at least the psychological pressure on myself is much less. I feel like I am a little more like a "human", and I no longer force myself to be "can't go wrong" all the time. A "robot" with precision.

Climbing and combing here, I feel my heart gradually relax. I often forget to breathe when I get nervous at work. That kind of tightness is the kind that can make your neck stiff and sore at night, and your heart will wake up in the morning.

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Yesterday, I helped myself to draw last year's review tree card and this year's blessing. I drew Terminalia lily, which opened my heart, and coconut tree, which was relaxing on vacation.

I know that last year I worked hard to crawl through the scars in my heart, and I also worked hard to integrate the broken self with the new self that I rebuilt later.

There are many things in the past that don't have answers, and time won't be the antidote. But all kinds of new people and new encounters in 2020, for better or worse, have helped me keep going. The essence of life is not smooth sailing, and the beauty of two people can be destroyed overnight. These questions, which have been asked countless times in countless nights, will never have an answer, but will only become a feeling and experience in life, and become the current self who chooses to let go and let go.

In 2022, I thank me for not giving up and moving forward in 2021. 2021 is really hard, no matter the suffering in my heart or the external challenges. Fortunately, along the way, there are still many nobles who lend a helping hand, allowing me to come to this day safely, and I am very grateful.

Life is still hard, and others will not give you the answers you want, but every feeling of being honestly faced will make you clearer and stronger.

Life is so short. And forgetting is too long.

All is well.

2022/01/02

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In the new year, I wish all the friends I met here to be happy and fulfilled 💐
May we all know how to be gentle with ourselves and be gentle with others🌷