far thunder

Thunder in the distance strung a white light.

The heavy rain, like a thousand troops, arrived in a quarter of an hour.

I listened quietly through the window, watching intently.

When I saw the heavy rain, I was glad that I was still ill at the moment and didn't have to be disturbed.

Since the illness, during more than ten hours of sleep every day, my consciousness often goes to many places, and my thoughts are quiet a lot.

I feel tired when my body does a little bit of work, and I often lie on the bed with recognition. Even though my cough always disturbs my sleep, I keep falling asleep as if I am still growing.

Appetite is not particularly good or bad. To avoid going out or contacting roommates, you can only order delivery. Help the deliveryman open the door through the doorbell's microphone, and then ask the deliveryman to deliver it to the door on the 4th floor where he lives. After the deliveryman leaves, he will collect the meal from the door.

I try to imagine that this period is the last time of my life. I am a terminally ill patient of some kind of cancer. Therefore, every minute and every second of the experience at this moment, the drizzle that has been turned into outside the window, seems to be precious.

There are still many attachments and concerns. There are many thoughts and emotions, moving and struggling. But compared to when I was younger, when all this flowed through, I became less easily moved by it. Instead, I tried to calm down and look at those fluctuations, thinking about those fluctuations, what did I want from me?

Although I often do not have an answer, I still feel confused or inexplicably moved.

For me, meaning in life is not given, it is lived. But I often like to use my thinking to go around, as if just come up with a conclusion, life will be easier. But life could have been simpler.

What to do now is to wait for yourself to heal. That's all.

"Everyone has to live alone without looking back" - Yuan Lei Do As Infinity

When I think of the song I miss, the sky and the melody are in a line, and there is the smell of rain in the air.