Hello everyone! I am Liang Qian!

I was planning to write a book review this week, but there seems to be a similar article on the page. So I'm here to chat with you all and record my latest thoughts by the way.

By the way! A few days ago, a small poll was held for a limited time. It will probably be the direction of the recent article. If you have any recommended parts, please let me know!

This article is divided into the following parts:

1. what's hidden behind the wall
2. The contact surfaces frequently collide, causing gaps in many aspects
3. It will break down a little bit.
4. Oh right! By the way, let's talk about why I wrote this article

A few days ago, when I was doing my homework, my phone would play Nori Bear's Psychology (a Podcast program I liked recently), which was very healing.

It happens that two of the episodes tell stories about Frozen, so let's start with the two paragraphs in it.

In the first episode, Elsa closed the door and her father put gloves on her, which means a suppressed and closed heart;

The dam in the second episode symbolizes isolation. When sensibility and rationality are cut off, there may be emotions such as anxiety, restlessness, and depression.

(extracted from the words of Nori Bear's mind)

When I heard this sentence, it reminded me of watching Attack on Titan a few years ago. The high wall in the city is also somewhat similar to this concept.

Through high walls, some unknowns, some fears, and even those who are suppressed within the walls are blocked, and their freedom is limited, and so on.

I think ah! Regarding doors, walls, dams... these tall, stable, and safe enough places actually originate from a fearful, self-protecting, or scarred heart.

When we build high walls, it also means that our senses are paralyzed, we don't feel pain, and "at the same time" we don't feel love.

[What is hidden behind the high wall]

Everyone has a different story, but the similarities are that what hides behind the walls is that part of you that is most protected and vulnerable.

1. Behind the high wall is the real self

Probably from a very young age, I found myself to be a person who hates to trouble others. I try my best to do everything by myself, and sometimes I don’t want to speak even if I need assistance.

1. I don’t want to cause trouble, and I don’t want others to worry. After the ups and downs happened, with fear, anxiety, grievance, and injustice, I finally chose to face it myself.
2. Or, most of those distress signals at the critical point were annihilated.
3. So go ahead! Wrap a wall and put the real me inside.
4. Sufficient stability in the wall

Throw all your emotions in the wall and take on the ups and downs of each day with the remaining joy.

1. This seems to be a relatively safe way of not bothering people and making oneself more comfortable; but because of this, all the feelings are forced to be divided into two parts.

Stable, but less realistic.

[Contact surfaces frequently collide, causing estrangement from multiple sides]

Everyone contains too many aspects, and these contact surfaces frequently collide with each other over time.

1. After the collision, the once close relationship gradually became estranged

The feeling of alienation is very uncomfortable, and even more uncomfortable are the memories that were close, those beautiful stories that did exist.

1. When getting along with people turns into a situation where you can't hate or like the situation, the wall will get higher and higher. Sometimes I even start to hate myself for not being able to tolerate it, but they are obviously good friends! You should tolerate it!
2. It seems that you can ignore these feelings by talking to yourself like this, but maybe these frictions are transformed into another kind of memory, which will come back after the things in the high wall are full.
3. Injure yourself and others.
4. Not every facet has to accept it

People have so many aspects, personalities, preferences, life patterns, ideas and concepts, many, many are very different!

1. You are someone close to me, but that doesn't mean I have to accept your behavior! Although I try so hard to think so, I still feel weird sometimes.
2. I think it's probably still working on it!

【It will break down a little bit】

"I often walk a long way by myself, and when the wind blows, I feel like a fallen leaf." – Jimmy (Starry Sky)

There is only myself in the wall, like a fallen leaf not knowing where to leave, a warm place? Where there is no competition? Or... just my own place?

But I still believe that this wall will collapse a little bit after all! It took me a long time to build it, and it should take a while for it to disappear.

【Oh right! By the way, let’s talk about why I wrote this article.]

I've always thought of myself as a very peculiar person. Often doing a lot of things, eager to be known but more often not wanting to be known.

For example, high school wrote a lot of articles on the Meteor platform, but always used anonymity and code names to hide themselves, or opened a drawing account but did not want acquaintances to see it in the early stage, and it would be a little unhappy to be shared by others, and so on.

It seems that people are often denied, or the words are often incomprehensible, so in the end, I live as another self, and I can create and do things I like.

But then! I met a lot of lovely people's care (?

I began to want to try to let part of myself live with my other self.

It might be a little awkward at first, but... it should be... ok! XD

Finally, thank you for reading the article, I hope it can be of some help to you/you.

–

Further reading:

[Rensen Mantoubao Series] We all grew up bumpy, and you who want to change but feel lost.

To know more, please click the link below:

IG Liangqian (drawing account): https://www.instagram.com/ruth_draw.dsgn/?hl=zh-tw

(Photo/picture source: Liang Qian)