count feathers

Since the little sister suddenly went to be a little angel, the house was bombed by bombs, and it was a mess. Or those things that should have been dealt with a long time ago, because a fuse only exploded once and for all.

My mom wants to divorce my dad. He also ripped me off and said, I will get divorced when I graduate from college. I don't understand whether my college graduation has anything to do with whether my parents want a divorce. If they really think divorce will affect their children, it is more practical to experience marriage from the start.

I have been journaling since I was 13 years old. After finishing my diary recently, I realized that my family situation has not been optimistic since a long time ago. It's just that he is still young, and his cognition of things comes from everything around him. For example, my father often goes out to the neighbors to smoke and chat, but my father seldom pays attention to us, and my mother accompanies them to study. I don't think there's anything wrong with Dad, he's been absent all the time. Because I haven't owned it, I don't feel like I've lost anything.

Turning over the diary, I recorded a lot of mother's complaints to my father. My mom has always liked to complain. Growing up, I learned that complaining is not a smart move. I heard her sad story, and I was also sad. I found that I couldn't solve it either, so I wrote it in my diary. I think my anxiety has shifted, but I don't know if my mother's anxiety has dissipated after she complained to me.

My parents are very homely. I only go out when I go grocery shopping and take us to tutoring. Naturally, my family doesn't have a family day. I thought family day was just something that came up when writing essays. Until one time, I heard a friend say that every Sunday is family day at her house, her father doesn't allow family members to be absent, so she can't go out with friends on Sunday.

When I flipped through my baby photo albums, I found that I went to many places as a child, including the seaside, KFC, and parks. But I don't remember it anymore, so I'll go back to that sentence, because I haven't owned it, so I don't feel like I've lost anything.

My dad is a master of evasion and will never admit his mistakes.

My mother went out to find a friend, and he was so angry that she said she was out of the woods. My mother cried and said let her go and wanted a divorce.

As a child, I can't stand watching them fight. At that time, I was the only one at home. I was afraid and called my eldest brother in a foreign land. Then, I fell asleep in my sister's dusty room and on the mattress without the sheets. The image of my parents was disintegrating in my mind.

Mom continues to make her friends. Hearing her surreptitiously talking on the phone gave me a very strange feeling. At this time, my father didn't like to talk to someone and smoke. He liked to catch me talking at home, talking bad about my mother, how hard he worked and how little money he made. I was also sad to hear it. I'm like a trash can at home, my parents like to complain to me. I envy my eldest brother working in a foreign land, and I also envy my second brother who just shut himself up in his room when he came back from work, and no one dared to provoke him. People just pick soft persimmons. I don't have my own room at home, I often stay in the living room to do my homework, easy access, and I like to talk to me about anything. They are also quite selfish. Although I am a student, I am also busy with schoolwork. They did not think about the impact of my listening.

I think if they divorced peacefully, I might not be so distressed.

But my dad has a good face and doesn't want gossip to entangle his macho body, so he is not allowed to divorce. Now they are just an empty couple. My mom was looking like a divorced woman by this time, ready to leave the house and apply for a transfer (she was an elementary school teacher).

My second brother told me that as soon as my sister went to be a little angel, my mother had already applied for a school transfer. She wanted to leave this sad place, and it took a few years for her application to succeed. She patted her butt and left, leaving her second brother and father to look at each other at home. My second brother and my father don't get along very well. It's me again. I'm like a ham sandwiched between a sandwich. My father likes to speak ill of my second brother; my second brother likes to speak ill of my father.

My dad was slow to discover the family crisis and wanted to save it. Went to get cavities pulled, got dentures, and pretended to quit smoking (I could smell him still smoking). He became fond of going to temples to pray to the gods and worship Buddha, and then took home talismans one by one. Some of them boiled water for us to drink and use to wash our bodies, and some told us to put them in our wallets to keep us safe. He doesn't like going out to find friends anymore, and I instead hope he has as little time at home as before. I was really scared to see his sudden visit to the family. Everything he did was just to make himself feel better.

After my mother moved and changed schools, when relatives asked me, I would say that my mother wanted to change the environment. Dad's siblings suddenly swarmed into the house to comfort Dad.

I eat very little at home. I want to leave the house and count the days when school starts. The days away from home are happier. I seem to be an escape person, I don't want to take on the negative energy at home, I'm too tired, and there seems to be no recovery, there's nothing I can do, it's not my fault that everything happened. Anyway, people are born as an individual, why should the emotions of the family be tied to themselves?

I meditate, I am nobody, troubles fly away. It would be better to look at the family from a distance.