Getting old | It turns out that I have never looked at you in the eye

I don't know at which moment, which moment, I found that you are really old.

I've never looked at you in the eye. I'm off work, and I only think about tomorrow's work; I'm on vacation, and I only think about where to have fun.

Although we live under the same roof, I have never looked at you because you are too familiar to me. I always thought you were like that, the bright and beautiful mother who likes to dress up; the hard-working and tidy mother who likes to tidy up messes; the mother who is skilled in cooking and likes to cook delicious food for me.

You haven't changed. You still like to babble. If you drink too much, you will talk about the past. You still like to talk about the things of the three aunts and six grandmothers, and I always sit and listen silently, and then I will only say one sentence, ignore it They are gone, and then, you will say yes, but, soon after, you will say that the third aunt and the sixth mother are not.

At that time, I didn't understand why there were so many dissatisfactions, and I still had to find them often. Until a long time later, you said, because of boredom, because of loneliness.

After my younger sister also went to work, there was no one at home, and my mother, who had been taking care of our three siblings as the main task in her life, suddenly lost the focus of her life, and she was forced to usher in a long period of blank window. Sleeping all day, sitting all day, watching TV all day, the only thing I didn't move all day was my mouth, and I didn't even want to talk to someone all day.

One day many years ago, I remember very well that it was a weekend afternoon. I came back from work. The afternoon was full of sunshine, which illuminated the living room. I was sitting at the dining table and eating the lunch you prepared, watching TV. you.

Under the natural light, I finally saw you clearly. On top of the old-dyed hair, a little gray appeared on the top of your head, the lines on your forehead were much deeper, the corners of your eyes drooped weakly, and many clear crow's feet appeared. The nasolabial folds are like deep grooves under the white and slippery cheeks. Godless eyes, drooping mouth corners, Bantuo's back beam, and the skinny palms holding the remote control are all telling me that time is a ruthless knife, and it actually engraved on you so many traces.

While I was eating, I couldn't take it any longer. I looked at my mother and felt the urge to cry. My nose was sore, a pain in my throat came up, and my heart suddenly burst into fear. Suddenly, I feel that death is very close to us, and I am afraid that you will leave me one day, just like on this day, I find that you are suddenly getting old.

Of course I know that old age doesn't come suddenly. It accumulates little by little every day, so I don't notice it at all. I always think that you are still the same you that you used to be, or the one who took care of me energetically when I was young.

The busy life makes me ignore the passage of time and get used to the existence of you in life. I always take everything for granted. I think you are still the mother I am familiar with, and I think you are still the energetic mother.

Now, when I hear your heavy steps up the stairs, when I see your tired face after cooking, I know that you are really much older.

You will still be angry.

Your anger used to be a hysteria with the pressure of life, a scream of resentment that was overwhelmed. Your anger now is like a child's tantrum, as long as you coax you and talk to you, you will be relieved.

You are still laughing.

Your smile is no longer filled with worries and thoughts. Your smile now is full of satisfaction, worry, open-mindedness, and a clear face that sees through life.

I am glad that I can accompany you to grow old.