real danger

We all like to reminisce about our childhood.

But I do not.

We are all willing to lament the past.

But I do not.

So you are a futurist?

Do not. I'm not.

I am a fragmentary memorizer, and my life, no matter how long, will not be continuous.

One year, when I went to the beach by chance, I stood at the farthest end of the tide, waiting for the sea water to pass over my toes again and again, and then retreat to the depths of more than ten steps away again and again.

At that time, I felt that the sea was beautiful and warm.

Because the sun is shining at noon, there is no cold, only hot air and carefree joy.

Maybe after three years, maybe sometime, I heard the tide of the sea again.

The gloomy sky, the strong wind, the clack of the clothes, and the sea in the distance, there is still a little black ups and downs.

It wasn't until I got used to the strong wind and the surging tide that I could see clearly that it was a swimmer.

I thought: Stupid!

I am not a person who has a wide range of interests and likes to talk and play. Therefore, if you don't like playing chess or poker, you don't know how to sing and dance, and you don't know how to talk and laugh, you can spend an afternoon worth remembering. Life didn't give me a very strong body, but it didn't make me ignore anything. I like to go to the beach. It is best in the afternoon when there are not many people, before the storm, when there are few people, the sea is big, the noise disappears, and the tide is like thunder. I wouldn't be too happy if a stranger came suddenly at this time. And if you don't go for a few days, although there is nothing to lose, you will also be disappointed, as if you really lost something, but you can't remember it.

It's a quirk, but it always makes me feel complacent, like I've got something I can't show off.

Luckily I didn't really become a mental patient.

So, I have a weird respect for people who are not like me.

I don't know, have you been to the mental hospital next to your house? Probably every city has it. There, it seems unremarkable, but there is always a sense of absurdity. Just like every horror movie does not start with fear, and the excellent ones will make you fall to the bottom when you are the quietest. Walking there, it is actually very quiet, and there are often more plants worth watching outside the wall, because few people will go.

Occasionally some sounds are heard.

I'll stop for a while and try to guess what. But it's hard to tell if it's a healthy person, a doctor, a nurse, or someone struggling with fantasy.

I did walk in, but that was to visit a patient.

What you can see after entering the door is a small green building with three floors. There is no place higher than it around, so the light is very good. The transparent corridor is very long, but not so deep. Maybe there will be some horror at night, but at noon of that visit, the sun is like flowing honey, sweet and warm. So, when I walk in the hallway, even if it's just me and the nurse, I feel safe.

For some unknown reason, this male nurse suddenly chatted with me about the anemone he kept while walking.

There are two pots in his dormitory, which were picked up by the sea. You must first prepare iron hooks and buckets, and then after the tide goes out, look for this thing that looks like a plant, but is actually an animal.

"People have to have hobbies, or they'll be like them." He smiled mysteriously, as if thinking I could have a good time at the joke.

I forgot the biggest purpose of this formation, but firmly remembered the sunshine and sea anemones.

Yes, my memory is a fragment, and the people in my memory always have no faces.

Like puppets, they performed their own performances, finished their lines, and exited my life just like leaving the stage.

When the actors will have a curtain call, they stand shoulder to shoulder, smiling and showing enthusiasm to the audience.

And everyone I've been through is gone forever.

I used to fantasize like this:

These people aren't going away, I just can't see them anymore. These people don't leave, they stay where we talk forever. These people are an observing being, and I am that observer.

Anemones, I haven't seen them again.

And the male nurse seemed to stay only in my words.

The world and its problems are still as thrilling as you have been in your room resenting, sneering, or shrugging, as I have been for years. But when you go out and allow yourself to develop real relationships with real people, or even just real animals, you face a very real danger: the danger that you may end up delivering "love." Who knows what might happen next? (Jonathan Franzen)

Many years later, I read unfamiliar texts from this unfamiliar writer.

My clips are like snowflakes. At first glance, they are a vast white whole. It seems that the sky and the earth are as impersonal as snowflakes.

But you are walking in the snow, the wind is cold, the snow is ice, you are freezing, you are suffering, but at this time, all illusions have no basis for delusions, you can continue to be like this, but some things are really will freeze to death.

Danger is a lurking beast.

Just like an old hunter, he has been racing all his life, just how to survive the danger of beasts.

But we must understand that it is this danger that is his own life—after all, it is his exploration, not the entry of a beast into his room.