Floating Life Three Days in DC

I haven't written anything in a long time.

Although I may not speak English very well, my Chinese expressive ability has obviously deteriorated.

The reason why I lost the habit of keeping a diary is ridiculous. When I first came to New York, I didn’t buy paper and pen because I was stingy, and I hadn’t adjusted to the local time zone, so I fell asleep every day when I came back. Over time, the large paragraphs of text left in the diary became brief checkbox lines in the memo of the mobile phone, from such delicate emotions as "I am very sad to hear, this is pure human evil!" to " Get up early and the sky is fine/the elevator almost got off the wrong floor and smile at the repairman/go to whole foods to buy food" and check in the daily account.

I think another reason may be that I am not suffering enough, even if I write something, it is all light . This is of course not to say that I have no troubles, but my current troubles are ultimately my own, not the kind of political depression created by society, family and country; my loneliness and homesickness, and my friends who are stubbornly fighting and surviving in the hot water environment in China Compared with what I have experienced, it is simply not worth mentioning and moaning without illness.

The material of the mobile phone memo has accumulated to a certain extent, and I naturally have some topics that I want to write about. I want to write about the blank paper revolution, demonstrations, the political division among international students on campus, my identity crisis in the United States; I want to write about mental health, psychological counseling, diagnosis and medication, my struggle with bipolar disorder; I also want to write Romantic relationships, quarrels and confusion, companionship and warmth. But they are either politically sensitive (after all, I am going back to China), or too personal, and it is difficult for me to find the balance between sincere expression and self-protection .

I decided to record some "painless" experiences here first.

Drew and I spent the last three days of the Thanksgiving break in Washington, D.C. for three days. The choice of the travel destination was probably based on my temperament. I reported the novelty of wanting to go shopping for the first time, and he also felt that he had never visited the capital and it was worth visiting, so he hit it off and confirmed the itinerary; The night before departure, the ticket and accommodation were finalized. In fact, this city did not leave a good impression on us, and we were just competent tourists who took a quick look at the flowers.

I hope to use this travel note to ask myself, in this case, what is the reason for spending three days in DC to keep in my memory?

Tourism Experience in DC

My "tourist mentality" has always been very heavy .

The "tourist mentality" sounds a bit like "everyone is here". The underlying logic is to maximize the local experience as much as possible within a limited time, even if it is only superficial.

When I used to do travel guides in China, I always listed a long list of local attractions and famous foods, and then stuffed them into the schedule one by one. When I came to New York, although I compared "spending dozens of dollars to the top of the Empire State Building" to "buying tickets and taking the elevator to the third ball of the Oriental Pearl Tower", this kind of tourist behavior that authentic New Yorkers and Shanghainese disdain to do (to put it nicely It’s because I don’t want to be taken advantage of. To put it bluntly, I can’t bear the money), but I still make a list (including but not limited to visiting the MET MoMA and other free museums, taking the free ferry to Staten Island to see the Statue of Liberty Like, go to dumbbo to see the Brooklyn Bridge, take the tramway to Roosevelt Island on a sunny day), and every other week, I will pull Drew to accompany me to a place on the check-in list. Not only that, wherever I go, I hope to have a "tourist photo" as evidence of "I have been here"; because even if I have to live here for ten months, I always regard myself as the city's a passerby .

I think "tourist mentality" is an important basis for dividing "locals" and "outsiders" , and it has nothing to do with wealth or poverty . This is not a big deal, but growing up and living in an environment with strong regional prejudices, I had a bit of arrogance as a "local" when I was in Shanghai. Therefore, every time I take a card photo here, I feel a little lack of confidence, and say "I wanna a touristy pic here" to Drew coyly, for fear of being ridiculed by him as a New Yorker.

In addition, if I want to talk about the difference between my "tourist mentality" at home and abroad, it may be that I have a strong intention to "integrate" when traveling in China. I like the novelty and relaxation of the local life in the market. But in the United States, I know that it is completely impossible to integrate into the local people, not only because of the differences in my own background, but also because of the diversity of ethnic groups in the local society, homeless people, social security and other factors determine that I cannot be like Just like in China, take a camera and go deep into the community to sweep the streets.

During my stay in Washington, D.C., my tourist experience was mainly concentrated in the downtown area near the White House.

My understanding of American history is limited to the Industrial Revolution, the Civil War, and the economic crisis mentioned in high school history books, and I can't name a few presidents at all. So I'm here to visit monuments and statues without knowing exactly what they commemorate. This trip to DC was dubbed the American Theme Tour, but it was actually better than my grandma Liu’s visit to the Grand View Garden .

Security is tight around the White House, and snipers are said to be deployed on the roof. The formation of plainclothes everywhere in the capitals of various countries is very similar. I still remember that near Zhongnanhai in Beijing, my uncle was stopped to check his ID card. Our group laughed at him, saying that he was checked because he was dressed too rustically. I also noticed here that those solo travelers who don't look like tourists, some running in sportswear, and riding a scooter with sunglasses, they seem to be very alert; after all, if there is no special reason, who will be fine around here at noon Are you wandering around? Drew told me, " It's so calm on the surface, it's hard to imagine that the world situation is changing because of the people in these buildings ." I told him that the Lincoln Memorial reminded me of the movie with the main theme of "Mr. Smith goes to Washington". The "serious and solemn" atmosphere didn't last long, and he pointed to the tall Washington monument and said to me, "Look! That's the biggest penis in the US!!! ".

It can be felt that the museum has also continued the main theme narrative .

The most fucked up thing to do during Thanksgiving is definitely going to the Indian Slaughter Museum. On the afternoon of my visit, there happened to be an Indian performance. The tourists on several floors surrounded the Indian like monkeys, watching him talk passionately, sing and dance hard, and I felt very uncomfortable; but after thinking about it, His remuneration for this performance should be regarded as superior among his peers. I also remembered that I saw similar commercial performances when I was traveling in Yunnan when I was a child. When I was writing the final paper of the philosophy class race & racism this semester, I found an interesting paper that compared the treatment of Chinese minorities with Native American Indians. What they have in common is that they are all inherently marginalized by mainstream narratives. Chinese culture is classified as the research category of ethnology and anthropology other than "official history" .

Other museums were also disappointing. After visiting the Holocaust Museum, Drew said angrily that the whole exhibition revealed the feeling of "pretending to care but being indifferent", and there was no confession at all. I don’t know if it’s because people of other races can’t empathize. I also feel that there are very few first-hand materials here, and the impact is not as strong as that of the Nanjing Massacre Museum. The Museum of Natural History is not very impressive either. Just like the venues in other cities such as Shanghai, Guangzhou, Inner Mongolia or New York, it displays dinosaur fossils and animal specimens in a lifeless manner.

On the last day, we learned that the air & space museum that Drew was thinking of needed to be reserved in advance. Disappointed, we had to set foot on the subway to Virginia to see Arlington National Cemetery and the Pentagon. He said "those soldiers died for nothing"; at the same time, he was obsessed with finding the tombstone with the hexagram, and he was sincerely happy when he saw a long-lived Jewish veteran. It was raining heavily that afternoon, and the air pressure was very low. Walking out of Arlington, the Pentagon in the distance is so dark that people can't breathe. Ironically, on Google Maps, we can see that Dunkin is located in the very center of the Pentagon, which really echoes the slogan "America runs on Dunkin" .

DC vs NYC

In " Walking Guangzhou " in July, I wrote, "After leaving, I just discovered that my hometown is the coordinate origin of my cognitive world." The days in Washington made me realize that New York has replaced Shanghai as the second benchmark by which I measure other cities.

After arriving in DC, we went straight to downtown. Probably spoiled by New York, I naively expected to grab a cup of coffee nearby, but the truth is that the nearest Dunkin' and Starbucks are more than a mile away. On the night before we left, we went to the station to wait for the bus. We were also disappointed to find that in the desolate central area, we couldn’t find a restaurant before eleven o’clock, and the cook of the only pub also left work. Drew's evaluation of this is "ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC", and we miss the 24/7 deli in Manhattan tacitly. My mentality is so similar to his. Compared with the domestic situation, it is probably the sense of gap that "Shanghai people go to Beijing"; of course, DC is 10 Beijing worse than NYC . In addition, I think what I am more disappointed than him is that, at least everywhere in China, you can taste local special food at a reasonable price; and there is no such thing as special food here. New York food itself is a melting pot of various ethnic groups, but in Washington it should be It is impossible to find such "four different" Chinese Hispanic restaurants.

The whole of America is foreign to me, but somehow I found my comfort zone in New York. The first half month of my arrival coincided with the summer vacation, and I was forced to live a life of "zero social interaction". At that time, the biggest feeling in my heart was "emptiness", the unbearable lightness of being. I am eager to establish a connection with this city. Only through the connection with others can I feel my own existence; everything in the country has left a large gap in my heart, and I need to use a new order of life to fill my longing for the old life . A few months passed, and although I was still an introvert who "felt lonely in the crowd", I had made a few drinking and meat friends, and was accepted by Drew's family, especially when his mother called me "daughter- in-law, I am extremely emotional. Although I can't know the streets and restaurants in New York as much as I do in Shanghai, there are still many areas that I have never set foot in, but I can also run wild in Bobst Library and Washington Square Park, Lexington Avenue and Corona, and also learned to know the subway Buskers and street bums put on indifferent faces.

The loneliness in a foreign land is incomparable in China. In the past, I could say that my political stance was not understood by ordinary people, but after all, with my family by my side, I have more confidence. But here, I know better than ever that a person needs a home . When I first met Drew, he pointed out my self-contradiction on this point: on the one hand, I joked that "I am a person without a hometown, and I am home everywhere"; on the other hand, I often talked about Shanghai, or I always refer to China's historical cultural politics with a little pride by "we" - so I decided not to reject my attachment to "home" in a broad sense .

New York could never be my home. But it’s undeniable that I developed a sense of belonging here. Every time I go to another city in the future, I will secretly compare it with New York.

Traveling Memory with Boyfriend

What makes up the unique memories of a trip is naturally the people who accompany you on the trip.

He and I had countless fights the first two days of our trip. Whether it's whether to store the backpack first after arriving, or what time to get up in the morning to set off, the differences are ultimately between the two parties, or mainly because I don't know how to compromise. At these times, I can’t help thinking of the group tours with my parents when I was a child, the Qingdao/Beijing trip that my parents listened to my arrangement in high school, and the solo trip to Suzhou/Guangzhou during college; I may not be happy at that time, but the memories will give They add beautifying filters. My family members often comment on my "big opinion", but as an only child, one day I have to understand that no matter how much people love me, they can't follow my way in everything. Until the last relationship, I hadn't put my posture in order. When I broke up, I said affectionately, "I can't be a wayward child anymore"-in fact, this may be the root cause of the breakup.

Overall, the good memories between us outweighed the bad ones. Just like in New York, I am afraid that we are the only ones who can still enjoy the whole foods buffet hot food as a cafeteria every night. I was struggling with a red mug in the souvenir shop of the Smithsonian Museum, but I couldn't buy it because of the price of 15 dollars. He saw my embarrassment and offered to be a "sugar daddy" to help me get it (speaking of which I have A slightly hypocritical bottom line, although I tend to be male to bear the absolute majority of common expenses, such as food and sundries, but in order to show autonomy, I will not let the other party cover clothes and other personal items). You can say that my self-touching is cheap and stigmatize it as "beautiful wife behavior", but I also want to believe that his starting point of "wanting me to be happy" is sincere . The breakup taught me that no emotion lasts forever, and it also taught me to cherish the people around me in this moment.

I was ill during that time, and my pain was at its peak after the rain on Sunday. Back to New York, I had to take the bus all night. From 1:00 am to 6:00 am, the burning sensation from the UTI and the cramped stomach made me restless. Just sitting upright was a torture that challenged the limits of my body. Because we didn't reserve seats in advance, we had to change to separate seats halfway, and the bus arrived at the stop not long after we finally fell asleep. Sitting on the 7 train starting from Hudson Yard and embarking on the familiar "home" route, I couldn't help but think that fate left me hungry, cold and sick on the streets of New York in the early morning, but arranged for him to accompany me, It's really "fair". I emphasized my independence and appreciated the security he gave me .

end

Halfway through writing, I found out that I included too many "private goods" in this article called travel notes, which is also the price of not expressing myself well for a few months-once I get the opportunity, I can't stop Live to pour out the thoughts that have been accumulated for a long time, no matter whether it is good or bad, it does not digress . I don't want to get involved in the trouble of revising the article, so I have to apologize to the readers who have been patient enough to read here.

I am very self-aware of my situation. At the time of Thanksgiving, there was still an uproar in the country, and when I posted travel photos in Moments, I said embarrassedly, "I am ashamed of my luck and my age." Unexpectedly, several friends commented, " The life I have worked so hard to earn is justified, and there is no need to be ashamed."

I think I also have an answer to the question in the abstract.

Just like every journey, the specific details may be blurred in memory, but "Which way you have traveled and who you have traveled with" will leave an indelible imprint on life.