A New Way I Invented to Avoid Arguing with My Parents - Language Switching

Today I almost got into a quarrel with my dad about the voice. Although I can't talk about a happy ending, at least both parties ended the call calmly, and it didn't affect my mood too much for the day. And the method I used was -- switch The language is English. This method was also applied to my mother last time, and the conversation continued until it ended peacefully. Of course, the conflict was not resolved, but some conflicts with my parents were inherently unresolved. I just try to avoid quarrels as much as possible. , Of course it's best for everyone to communicate, but if you can't communicate, at least don't let the call become a fuse and destroy the whole mood.

Although I have no problem communicating in English, everyone should know that the best way to quarrel is to use your own native language. My parents are all good in English, but they are not everyday words, so the response must be half a beat. So When we switched our communication mode from Mandarin to English, everyone actually took a little more time to think about what to say. The advantage of this is that many hurtful words won't come out. Even my parents continue to use Chinese Responding to me, because they have to bother to understand what I mean in English, and the energy of getting angry is also taken away a lot. This is the inspiration I got from the operation of "System 1" and "System 2" in the brain. "System 1 "Quick response will automatically turn on your intuition. Those who are dominated by emotions during quarrels are mostly the result of the operation of "System 1". If you use a second language to communicate, you need to mobilize "System 2", which will lead to more impulse suppression. And rational thinking. Although this may only temporarily suppress the conflict, but for some occasions where there is no real consensus and communication must be maintained, this may be a way to try.

PS: Now I communicate with my parents, except for some conflicts of opinion, almost every dispute is because they are urging them to get married. Fortunately, my mother is willing to communicate with me and is willing to understand. My father will only say that I am not normal. If I don't get married, I will fend for myself. It seems that as long as I don't get married, I have no value in existence. The most terrible thing about some parents in China is that they can always point out your life in the name of being good for you and devalue you. It's useless, and they don't care whether you actually feel happy or not. For them, the most important thing is that everything you do meets their standards of good and right. Many people will say something to be good with your parents If you communicate well, but in reality, not every parent can or is willing to communicate with you. My current principle can only be: the attitude should be as good as possible, and the position must be firm.