Fight terror with words

At the end of last month, I published an article on Duan Media. The first half was about my experience in the police station for more than ten hours, and the second half was my analysis of the causes of this "pink frenzy". The two parts are at first glance. There is not much connection, but I actually want to demonstrate my point: it is possible to produce more reactionary totalitarianism outside the system than inside the system. After the article was published, most of the criticism was concentrated in the second half, but I saw a rather prominent comment on the website, and he didn’t say anything about my bad writing, but just said that the first half of my article seemed to imply that I was subject to the system. The "preferential treatment" of the person is a bit of a self-respect.

Maybe to increase the persuasion, he further said that a friend from the media heard me talk about my experience of being drunk tea at a dinner party in Beijing, and felt that I was "very excited", as if I finally got the attention of the public power. Same. At the beginning of July in Beijing, I only talked about my being drunk at two or three dinners. There were only a handful of media people. I can probably guess who that media person was. We had basically never had any dealings before. We talked about drinking tea because there was another teacher present who had a more serious experience than drinking tea, so let's talk about experience. What I don't understand is that even if you don't like me, I think it's normal to complain to others in private, but spreading this kind of sensitive information around (some other friends also told me about it) seems to be a little morally wrong. Appearing despicable: If you really believe your statement and think that I am accumulating some "political capital", have you considered my personal safety?

Some people say that since you are worried about Yusi, why do you still say it? You have not only spoken out, but also written an article. Can't you blame others for suspecting you for showing off? Some of my friends who care about me are really worried that I will get into further trouble by writing these things out, and they want me to keep a low profile for a while. If my friend encounters this situation, I will not encourage him to write it. If he asks me if I want to write it, I will also recommend him not to.

Every time someone talks to me, he will say, I hope I don't say this. Of course I didn't listen, I told my friends about it. When I tell my friends, it is not to show them how important I am. Most of the friends who have listened to me have had the experience of drinking tea themselves, and many times I hope to get some advice from them. For example, I will tell them what kind of situation Yousi came to me in, what his attitude is, what he said, and they will help me analyze it, how serious the matter is, and what can I do to avoid the worst the result of. These are some practical aspects. In the non-practical aspects, if you ask someone to tell someone after the incident, you hope to get a kind of psychological comfort through the so-called "social support", so as to overcome the violence of the state. Keep an eye on future fears.

This kind of fear, people who have not experienced similar experiences (such as the Beijing media friend and the friend who left a message on the service) are probably hard to imagine. This is roughly close to what Phillip Petit calls being in a "dominated" state: the other party doesn't need to directly restrict your freedom, but they can do so at any time; no matter how much you achieve out there, They can destroy it with little effort; most people are afraid to have a normal social relationship with you because it might hurt themselves. I am "free" in the Hobbesian sense, but not in the Petit sense.

In this state, I don't know how many people would think of showing off. Anyway, what I think of are those who still care about your safety, are willing to listen to you, and run for you when you lose contact. People are people you must cherish. I have never liked to spend too much energy on maintaining social relationships. This is the second time I have realized the value of true love between people. The last time was when my friends who were sick in my third year were generous. It's not that I only think about the good of others when they are "useful" for me, but I feel that what they do for me is beyond the "duty" of a friend, and if they don't, I don't have any qualifications Blame them, not to mention that they do so at a certain risk. So through this narrative, I and them established a deeper and more stable connection than the "friendship" in the stranger society, which is close to the "morality" in ancient China.

As for why I wrote it, apart from saying that most of my connections with these friends are based on my articles (especially after my public accounts Weibo and Douban have been blocked), there is another point, its meaning is related to the survivors in #MeToo The public statement is almost the same, that we all use this method to "self-heal".

Some people say that when I write about my experience in the police station, I am like a young child who has just stepped into society, full of freshness about everything. This is true, and I intend to observe it this way. When I write about macro issues as a bystander, I remind myself to look at them "politically" so as not to miss some of the important "political implications" of them. However, when I am in the institutional organs, I may be "dictatorial" at any time, or be shrouded in their power, I try to make myself "depoliticized" to face these, so as to avoid unnecessary psychological pressure.

I heard from the accent of the police officer who received me at the police station that he usually speaks Cantonese, so I switched the language channel without hesitation. When I came in later, as long as he could speak Cantonese, I asked him to communicate with me in Cantonese. At the end of the first round of questioning, I chatted with the middle-aged police officer who asked me about his daughter in middle school and exchanged some views on education in Shenzhen. While waiting for the mobile phone copy to end, I also chatted with the technical staff about the pressure of working in Shenzhen and the way to pass the time in spare time. I'm not trying to get them to let their guard down on me, I'm digging out the "human" side of them to ease my tension. Over the years, I've seen too many protesters and dissidents write about members of violent machines who either actually act like "machines" or have extremely strong malice towards them. I'm not saying that what they wrote is not the truth, it's just that when you enter that kind of place and pay too much attention to those aspects, it will do no good to your mentality, it will only cause yourself to fall into boundless fear prematurely, and it will be easier to be defeated by them. .

While chatting with them, I could see the fundamental difference in political stance, but I could also see that what they did was not directed at me personally. Of course there are some cold parts in it, like the inquiries and records of me, but in their eyes, it's just work. In the course of many dealings with multiple departments, I found an interesting phenomenon: members of these different departments not only fully regard themselves as normal civil servants in terms of self-awareness, but also seldom realize that they are not interested in their work. The psychological effects of the object. For example, when I mention immigration in front of them, they will think that I am affected by human flesh and affect my normal life, not because they are worried that they will often come to me in the future. Their thinking goes like this: If you didn't do anything illegal, you don't need to be afraid of them, and if you do something illegal, you don't deserve sympathy. Maybe I didn't observe carefully, but among the people in different departments that I have come into contact with so far, I haven't encountered the kind of pure enjoyment of the thrill of being in power.

During the whole process, in addition to exploring their everyday aspects, I also tried to step out of my own situation to observe how the entire stability maintenance mechanism works. For example, I probably know that many of my social accounts, including Facebook and Twitter, are being monitored, but I don't know how they monitor my Facebook because of my Facebook privacy settings It is already the highest level, so it is possible that the above friends have their informants. Once they found out what sensitive content I had posted, they would have the state security in charge of me communicate with me and ask me to delete it, and if I refused to delete it without giving a proper reason (yes, there is room for bargaining with them too) ), which would leave a negative review on my record. They will also collect information about my sensitive activities outside, and if this information accumulates to a certain extent (like the Mingzhou case, I posted a video and the sensitivity exploded), and the national security would invite me out for tea and let me know about those people. Activities are explained, and my explanations will be reflected in the records. According to what I know about my own record, it includes at least the Tao Chongyuan case, the left-wing youth, the Mingzhou case, and the recent march in Hong Kong. It also knows who my mentors and friends are in Hong Kong and Taiwan, and which foreign media I have relationships with. over contact. As for other life experiences, that's fine.

Because of this exploratory mentality, I gradually became less afraid of them looking for me. These unpleasant experiences at the moment may be turned into materials for my academic and creative work in the future. Once I think about it, it becomes an adventure after another. Even if there is occasional damage, it feels worthwhile. Of the staff I've come into contact with, one of them inspires me the most. I have been studying the official ideological transformation in the past few years. My basic judgment is that this ideological transformation has failed. In him, my judgment has been confirmed.

First of all, based on some details of my dealings with him, I can roughly infer his level. My logic is as follows: if the ideological transformation in the past two years is successful, then in the thinking of leaders at his level, those The ideology should be clearly reflected; and if he really understands this ideology, he will have the motivation to tell me, because he still represents the system in front of me, and this statement is necessary. In our conversation, both sides were creating a relaxed atmosphere, but he still said a lot of scenes, so it is reasonable to say that these scenes should contain official ideological content. In fact, he did say something similar to me, that is, the "core values of socialism", but before that, he criticized Marxism a lot, saying that the "exploitation" and "surplus value" mentioned in it were both in his opinion. is nonsense. Not to mention that the socialist core values cannot constitute a real ideology, because the "freedom", "democracy", "equality", and "rule of law" contained in it are difficult for ordinary people in the system to explain what they have and universal values. the difference. More importantly, in the official ideology, Marxism is still the foundation and cannot be criticized. This friend of Yousi, as he himself said, "has no idea what the highest level is thinking", but also does not know the direction of the official ideology. In the end, only two values are firm, one is stability, and the other is patriotic.

A lot of people may feel that the tone of their expression should be mournful, or at least serious, when they talk about being teased, but I don't think so at all. After matching the details of drinking tea with my own theory (it is possible that this correspondence is wrong, after all, the sample is limited), I did not write it down immediately, but I said it in front of my friends more than once, and changed it to into paragraphs. Because most of the people who talk to me about these topics have had the experience of being teased, or may have such encounters in the future, I want them to know that we can face and talk about these things with a different mindset. We can not be tragic, but daily, academic, and even entertaining. While we understand it, we laugh at it, digging into what feels familiar in it, as a mental confrontation with the horrors it intends to create. The key to fighting totalitarianism is not to overpower it in strength, but to keep our humanity and personality intact and implement them into our daily lives and the public sphere. In this process, speech not only helps us resist terror, it also shapes our personal identity within it. Only when we know what we can take on can we understand who I am.

This is also why that Beijing media friend thinks that my excitement is beyond words, but his realm in life is too limited, and he can only imagine that this is "self-improvement" after being "recognized by power", but he didn't think about this. Behind it is a kind of academic "love" and denial of power that he can never achieve.

This attitude of treating people with the heart of a villain may be just a manifestation of lack of imagination at a small level, but at a larger level, it actually reflects that among those who hold dissent to the system, many people hold There are serious opportunistic ideas, and the same power logic as the system. In their view, the so-called "politics" is nothing more than "who rules whom", and the so-called "resistance" is nothing more than one party replacing the other. Therefore, all people involved in politics have profit motives behind them. A person participates in any form of resistance or supports others in order to accumulate political capital in a certain circle. Once they are constrained or persecuted by the system, they will You can also use this price as a "medal" on yourself. This is in no way different from the authorities' belief that there are "foreign forces" behind any protest action, and even the authorities believe that some of the protesters are the above-mentioned careerists.

This kind of logic has been applied to me once in April and May this year, and I tried to explain it once with Kantianism. This time, I am not based on Kantianism, but on my "responsibility" for some intrinsic values outside of worldly interests. These intrinsic values, such as friendship, academics, bravery, community of values, in turn, have given me tremendous strength in my down moments.

Some people may say that this is my luck, that the authorities are soft on me this time, otherwise I will describe it differently, and it is unlikely that I will face it with such a relaxed attitude. I certainly admit that this time my luck is better than some other people, but we should admit that for a person targeted by public power, how to mediate with various department personnel, how to live a normal life in spirit, this is very important. It's a problem we have to face for a long time. During World War II, European Jews were sent to various Jewish ghettos (ghettos) in Poland to await the verdict of fate, where they struggled to maintain a normal life, with schools, hospitals, almshouses, theaters, concerts and political parties, There are also resistance groups that just die with honor. Our situation isn't that bad, so what's the reason for despair?