Formal Diary | Streak

This one will probably really look like a diary.

Duolingo, which is used to learn foreign languages, has just jumped to its 100th day, and Streak on Codecademy is about to enter its fourth month. Yoga, which I started learning about this time last year, seems to be gradually becoming a kind of schedule.

Habits are probably formed like this, giving people a feeling of peace of mind, but if you don't do them, you will feel wrong.

During the consultation a few days ago, the counselor reminded me to remember to look at the "improvement" of myself along the way, not just the low ebb.

For an impatient person like me, it's often forgotten that I'm actually "making" progress.

Well, this road is really long, and I don't know if there is an end.

From the huge stressful event at the end of 2020, like the switch, released all the darkness inside me.

I think the body is really amazing. You thought that those things could be well hidden, but it was like the clothes I was wearing at the moment of the crime, even though they were folded by me and placed at the bottom of the closet, I thought that after a long time, those related memories could be forgotten or even erased; however, they did not disappear, but reappeared in my life in different attitudes.

Those past, I have to choose to accept their existence. Take it slow, practice, and accept. Only in this way can I recognize what "fear" looks like, and know how to save myself or ask for help before the fear spreads to my throat like a flood.

Hmmm, in fact, even the "calling for help" thing has to be practiced. (laugh)

The counselor asked me, "In a critical situation, besides counseling, do you think of anyone else to call for help?"

I was silent for about a minute, just smiled and replied, "It seems like there should be, but I don't dare to disturb them." But I remembered the last time I cried so badly, and the next moment I felt like I was going to die, so I picked up the phone I looked at a few contacts, but I didn't have the courage to call the past moment.

I don't know if it's because I can't trust them, or if it's just because I think it's stupid to call people to hear me cry.

So stupid. The relationship between people is probably like this, guessing and guessing, but there is always no actual action. A thousand results are imagined in the mind, but the body is completely unable to act.

Well, next time, get up your courage and make a call.

I really, really want to start looking to the future, to the present; though, the darkness isn't going away.

Ah, in fact, I really don't want to use such positive words as the conclusion. Because I like a more realistic personality, I often feel very desperate, but this is a kind of "wish" for the time being. Wishing is always a happy one.

Good night.