Taking out the trash: The rivalry continues

I have always been denied by my father. I used to keep arguing, but now I just don't speak, because the same words don't seem to work when thrown on me, and I can "bear it" more and more - I used to laugh at myself for being a big bucket . But the opposition is still there, and it's up to him to provoke it. As long as I don't speak, it will usher in a monotonous ending. But if I make this opposition clear and negate it, the process will usher in chaos, and the personal attacks and insults that have only come once before will only come more, and my response will also be arbitrarily abused by him. Crushed in. So I was silent, but the antagonism was still there, over and over again - like a bad movie.

I think this silence is pathological, and I choose this pathology - because my mother also chose this pathology?

Funny enough. I can only choose one of the two bad options is not the worst - very annoying, so take out the garbage

I've been fantasizing about the day when I can't take it anymore and run away from home - but I don't. I also can't say something like " not everyone has ears that match my mouth ".

And when I randomly wrote this in my telegram channel:

When my father and I had a disagreement, I chose not to speak—not negatively or affirmatively—because it would stop for a while and not get into a boring and useless cycle. Then I feel like what I'm doing after the cessation becomes surprisingly efficient—even if it's boring homework or something.

I'm still pissed though - am I chasing this opposition?
do not know.

His abuse came again. Funny enough.

Dumping here is a vent, the trash can is full, it has to be dumped - but it's just garbage anyway

Above, I want to record my story in detail one day, I suddenly remembered that the confrontation I said on the first day of joining matters forgot