【食之療癒】お好み焼き、臺灣日治時代文學、疫情

本週BC省政府宣布，隨著民眾疫苗接種率達到一定程度，歷時一年多的封城禁令可望逐步解禁，省內旅遊開放，小型室內集會可以進行，餐廳可以堂食，9月份後學生也會回到學校上課。雖然為了避免變種病毒感染再度拉高疫情，配戴口罩和維持適當社交安全距離的規範還是需要遵守，不能掉以輕心。這段黑暗漫長的日子，無窮無盡的恐懼和不安，總算是見到一絲曙光。

在這段極富挑戰性的日子裡，個人的生涯規劃、生活習慣、健康管理、財務規劃配置、家人親友人際關係，通通受到嚴峻的考驗。如何維持自己內心和精神的「三相點」平衡狀態（equilibrium point)，不讓恐懼綁架做出情緒性反應和決定，是個大考驗。

疫情也讓我看到工作上的夥伴們和親友們各自的韌力和潛力。有人從谷底一路攀升，趁市場動盪購置房產；有人改變投資配置，因而一路笑到銀行；有人廚藝和園藝上升到藝術品的水準；有人發現自己的隱藏天賦，從此改變生涯計畫；有人重拾家庭溫暖或再度建立真正的親密關係，也有人發現獨居的自由快樂。

這一年多，除了埋首書堆，在閱讀寫作上得到很大的快樂，就是養芽菜擁抱有機蔬食，在廚房裡認真玩。

因為連續十多天在Clubhouse上聽朱宥勳講臺灣文學，時差關係，資深夜貓子被迫每天早上5:45就要起床，幾乎從此就養成早睡早起的習慣（並沒有）。在床上帶著耳機聽容易昏睡回去，因此我強迫自己起床，在廚房邊聽邊幫家人做早餐。

今天是在邊聽朱宥勳講楊逵的《鵝媽媽要出嫁》和呂赫若的《玉蘭花》的賞析和故事中，邊做改良版的お好み焼き，俗稱大阪燒。食譜參考田園的影片和塔塔的影片，但是根據手上現有的材料做變化。

有機高麗菜和蔥切碎，山藥磨泥。山藥泥和麵糊是絕配，不但增加黏著度和營養價值，成型更容易，加上溫和濕潤的口感，非常美味。我以肥牛薄片取代豬肉片和五花肉片，肉片本身的油脂就夠了，鍋裡不需另外加入食用油。沒有海苔片用ふりかけ來代替。另外還給自己做了素食版的。如果是做西式版，我則會加點洋蔥以及用bacon代替五花肉片。

這幾天讀臺灣日治時代的文學作品，被白話漢文夾雜日文和台語的寫作方式搞得頭昏，邊讀邊痛恨自己的日文和台語程度不佳。但是讀讀自己寫的文章，不也常常是英文中文日文夾雜，偶爾還會加上法文詞彙？幾十年後如果有讀者偶爾看到我的文章，是不是也會邊讀邊罵呢？

今天的活動公告，朱宥勳是這麼寫的：「1930年代以後，台灣作家漸漸掌握了日文讀寫能力。這讓他們能夠用殖民者的語言，寫出殖民者未必願意看到的東西。在戰爭的重壓下，文學的迂迴表達竟然變成攸關生死的技巧⋯⋯」

當他們終於掌握了日文寫作能力，歷史又和他們開了玩笑。國民黨敗退來臺灣，中文白話文當道，以日文寫作的作品淡出舞台或無法發表。臺灣作家真是太難了！

每天聽講座人數大約維持在300多人左右。對臺灣文學有興趣的人還真不少。

文學、語言、歷史，或許都只有接受過去，才能展望未來。

臺灣疫情升高，雖然很擔心在台親友的安危，但是疫情或許也是一個契機，讓一些施政和社會制度的缺失突顯；發現問題，才能找出解決方案。臺灣人的韌性和韌力不容小覷，迅速調整生活型態，不添亂不做豬隊友，在疫情威脅下盡量平靜度日，應該是不會淪為沉沒之島。

最後，對住在臺灣的朋友，我想分享Norman Armour 在臉書上分享的一些抗憂鬱症的建議。這一年多我們就這樣慢慢的走過來了，你們也一定可以的。

From Mariaa Randall and Norman Armour.

DEPRESSION TIPS:  May seem small or silly to some, but this list keeps people alive… 

Shower. Not a bath, a shower. Use water as hot or cold as you like. You don’t even need to wash. Just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. Sit on the floor if you gotta.

Moisturize everything. Use whatever lotion you like. Unscented? Dollar store lotion? Fancy 48 hour lotion that makes you smell like a field of wildflowers? Use whatever you want, and use it all over your entire dermis. 

Put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

Put on your favorite underwear. Cute black lacy panties? Those ridiculous boxers you bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? Put them on.

Drink cold water. Use ice. If you want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost. I always use lemon. 

Clean something. Doesn’t have to be anything big. 

Organize one drawer of a desk. Wash five dirty dishes. Do a load of laundry. Scrub the bathroom sink. 

Blast music. Listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. Sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

Make food. Don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. Take the time and make food. Even if it’s ramen. Add something special to it, like a soft boiled egg or some veggies. Prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

Make something. Write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. Even if you don’t think you’re good at it. Create. 

Go outside. Take a walk. Sit in the grass. Look at the clouds. Smell flowers. Put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

Call someone. Call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. Talk to a stranger on the street. Have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. If you can’t bring yourself to call, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. Even if you don’t say much, listen to them. It helps. 

Cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. Take pictures of them. Talk to them. Tell them how you feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out, anything. 

*** At your absolute best you won’t be good enough for the wrong people. But at your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right ones. Remember that. Keep holding on. 

*** In case nobody has told you today I love you and you are worth your weight and then some in gold, so be kind to yourself and most of all keep pushing on!!!!
Find something to be grateful for!

#SuicideAwareness #HaveARealConversation