Lesson learned

I will simply tell the story, so I won't forget. It's a tiny thing and a minor mistake (to myself) but I want to record it just to reminder myself of self -introspection and always, be kind.

So, I had my small side business on the mountain. (That's what Nick said, I don't actually feel that way). I babysat and spent my time with these two gorgeous kids. I tool photos with them and somehow, maybe to meet my vein, I posseted them on a Chinese social platform. I posted it for sharing my life also presented those beautiful human beings, some people commented about getting the permission from the parents, which I firstly think it won't be a big issue cuz I post it on a platform that only another country use, I delated it after anyways, trying to be respectful.

But it didn't stop strangers getting angry at me.

someone saw it and took the screen shot also posted on FB group page, with my Chinese and English name, the department I work in, the detail of my personal information. She tried to attack me by posting these and leading the comments against me, threaten to report me to the police etc. I was informed by my employer, we had a very serious meeting in the morning, and I've been told what I did had a bad influence on the company and the team. I was shocked, totally.

The first thing I did after the meeting is contacting the parents of the two kids, I told them everything and apologized, both of the parents forgave me, and one said it's not a big deal. I think I have done what I can, also learned my lessons about protecting minor's privacy.

Then I felt deeply confused, about the hatred from a total stranger, who took time to investigate me and joined the local fb group, wrote so many words against me with grudge. It seems like she tried to punish me using internet, exposing the affair to public who doesn't know me at all. It's the first time I was forced to facing the trollers and unknown anger. Feeling hurt and also self-doubting.

The team leader comforted me and gave me a warm hug, I very appreciating that and felt even more sorry that being let them get involved in this issue. But I can't fight back on Fb or talked to her in person. I don't want to deal with this or continue getting effect by this. The internet is toxic sometimes and words can be easily misinterpreted.

People love me will continue to love me and support me, as mom, as Andy. I am writing this down to remember how important to be cautious with people also protecting myself from over exposure to the public. Sharing is a good thing, but intention really matters. I believe the sharing with good intension won't cause trouble, if it does, won't affect me though. I think it all started with my bad intension of showing off or trying to get attention.

I keep reflecting on why this happened and my real thoughts when I was making mistake, The best wished on myself is to be as kind and compassionate as I can, maybe this is a good thing to make me face the dark side of me and only do the good deeds. I am not a saint, but I can be a decent normal human. I chose to do so I won't be tortured by guilty or potential possibility of hurting people.

I made my mind not to lie to others or me, now I am making up my mind not to surrender to my dark side. Those aspects surely pulling me back to this, complicate world, protect me from totally detached and value people around me, treating them as real beings (I have trouble with social and relationship for a long time) At least I am learning. Trying to understand the world better and maybe fit in better, somehow make contributions to it.

Good things keep happen to me. Even those bad ones, teach me important things in life.

Cheers .10/7/23