(超长文，慎点)在美国高校留学，毕业后留校工作，受歧视后想要发声，却被……

终于有一个平台可以随便分享了。事情是这样的：我们大学一直都在忽视亚裔（这里指的亚裔和国籍没有关系，因为人数太少，我们的外貌和血缘统称为亚裔），后来因为疫情被贴上“中国标签”，学校也没有站出来批判这种污蔑。上个月，学校第一次发起了一个有关亚裔的zoom对话，谈一谈如何从bystander到upstander，我有幸作为speaker分享了我的遭遇和一些看法。会议后，我才了解到学校有一个亚裔教职的组织，在学校三年多第一次直到，联系了ta们，但是没有得到过回复（有“真香”后文）。那天在会议上的一个admin（非裔）备受启发，想要推动亚裔在校的声音，于是邀请我在学校diversity leadership council谈一谈学校亚裔的感受想法和建议。我其实还挺开心的，真的有种正义可能会迟到，但不会缺席。

于是我就码了一些字，然后在朋友圈里扩散收集大家的一些想法：xxxx(university)的在校学生、教职工和校友你们好，我是xxx，目前在xxxx(university)社科院任职。下周二，学校多元化委员会邀请我代表学校亚裔（华人）学生/教职工谈一谈关于我们的在校体验和遭遇（特别是疫情以来）。我个人和我的朋友不论是在疫情前还是疫情后，都遭遇过来自其他族裔不同层面的歧视和偏见。所以在本次会议上，我准备分享以下四点内容，但需要大家帮助！(求转发）1. 总体来说，亚裔没有得到过学校充分保护。比如在校发生了incident，从来不会report族裔，但如果是亚裔，就会公开。亚裔学生和教职工在校或在校外受到不公待遇时，没有一个safe space去分享和发声。比如有些人可能故意听不懂你的英文发音，还要你重复，这种隐性歧视，你感受的到吗。xxxx(university)在克利夫兰是谴责歧视和致力推动种族平等的领袖，怎么遇到亚裔就说不出话了，何况xxxx(university)是整个地区聚集最多的地方。2. 学校作为一个机构和机构里的成员对亚裔有非常深的刻板印象和偏见。总是在提到“钱”的方面想到亚裔，而当我们受表象/系统歧视和隐性偏见时，学校畏手畏脚（比如George Floyd受害的时候，学校振振有词的发了支持信和可行的方案。在我们被叫“中国病毒”时，学校并没有谴责，而轻描淡写这个一个“welcoming space”。我和部门同事写了反针对亚裔歧视的声明，发给校长，她置之不理，后来有了那封不痛不痒的安慰信。有些朋友觉得温暖，可是真的温暖吗？对于“中国病毒”言论没有半句谴责，这是在同意这句话吗？3. 我们亚裔在很多话题上被学校刻意left out。提到亚裔群体，总是关于文化食物的活动。然而这只是在给学校增添diversity的分数，学校并没有给过我们一个可以信任的平台去发声、去分享我们的遭遇，或者一个authority支持我们的维权。4. 我知道“发声”不是我们文化里常见的，但我愿意大家speak up。希望大家可以和我分享你们对学校的期待，指出有哪些切实可行的办法让学校保护你和我们。我也想寻找遭遇过不公或者奇怪事情的朋友（有时候遭到歧视可能都没有反应过来），匿名分享。这个会议是我们让别人看到一个平台，种族问题不是只有黑与白，面对不公我们不是安静的亚裔，不允许再忽视我们了。到最后，伤害我们最深的不是敌人的话，而是朋友的沉默。请大家关注并寻找为自己发声的渠道。

发了这些字后，有一个朋友打着关心我的口号，私信教我做人：“刚看到你的信息，愿意支持你，但这里有一个误区，我觉得你可能还需要沉淀一些。美国华人跟外国人还是有区别的。所以说这个事情你要考虑清楚。思路和想法是对的，但一定要政治正确。不一定每个事情都是种族歧视和偏见。有的美国人对在美国外国人的生活习惯和一些背景知识不够全面。会造成一些误会和误区。只要你做到政治正确就没有问题。” 我个人是社科院毕业的，部分工作就是推动反种族主义。当我看到他说歧视/偏见是由误解造成的时候，真的想劝他多读一些书。政治正确不是挡箭牌，用政治正确来换取生活的想法已经是被压迫的产物。然后他又开始和我说“如果工作上有什么不顺利的，正确的做法是找到工作单位的人事部投诉。很多事情需要有一些具体的流程。我喜欢你思想有想法，但你要沉淀的认真考虑。建议安排会议直接和校长谈。”听他说完我真的要爆炸了。如果这个上报就能解决的问题，我也不用写小短文去征集大家的想法了。另外，不在高校工作的人真的不了解有时候校长/教务长是怎么被架空的。这个朋友是个好人，就是想吐槽一下，对他的想法又可怜又可气。只是想说，我能站着做人，就不跪着。后来有23个分享者匿名和我讲述了ta们的遭遇，并帮助和支持我写了会议发言稿（非常长，读一读可能会有共鸣）：

Dear Diversity Leadership Council,

Thank you for inviting me. I'm xxx, currently working at Community Innovation Network at Mandel School, and I'm also an alumnus there. I appreciate the opportunity for me to be here to share some experiences and concerns from our Asian family members with the Diversity Leadership Council. The Asian family members I mentioned include faculty, staff, students (both undergraduate and graduate), and alumni of Asian descent in our university.

The contents can be a little bit heavy with discrimination, xenophobia, and biases that I have encountered and the experiences I received from Asian family members before our meeting. Please bear with me, if I get emotional when I present and elaborate on the following 4 points:

• Lack of Protection for the Asian Campus Community at xxxx(university);
• Stereotypes of the Asian Campus Community;
• Lack of Voice from the Asian Campus Community;
• The Need for a Collective Safe Space for the Asian Campus Community.

1) Lack of Protection for Asian Campus Community at xxxx(university)

In general, our Asian family members are not adequately protected by our university. xxxx(university) is a leader in standing against racism, and embracing and promoting racial equity. In the Cleveland area, the Asian population is well represented in our university. However, xxxx(university) remains silent when discrimination and xenophobia come to us, whether on or off campus. When President Trump created the "Chinese virus" label, we were scared. This fear and anger are not just among Chinese family members, but all of us. Racists won't ask our nationality before they execute their negative behaviors. My team wrote an anti-discrimination statement to the university, which prompted a statement by the Mandel School, but was ignored by the university as a whole. Soon after, the university issued a statement saying, "you are welcome here." A lot of us feel offended by this statement. Does this statement imply that our university agrees with that slur? Just welcoming us is not enough; we need our university to protect us and condemn that slur. Now, we are still suffering the consequences of our university's silence. Right before Thanksgiving, I was on the RTA Healthline, and a person who didn't wear a mask yelled at me: "Don't walk over. You are responsible for the pandemic." At that moment, my whole body can't function, and I can't think of any strong support that I have to defend myself. I'm living in this country by myself, and I see xxxx(university) is my biggest support. I'm sure a lot of Asian family members feel this way. But xxxx(university) has failed us.

2) Stereotypes of the Asian Campus Community

We need to acknowledge that we have members of xxxx(university) who have deep stereotypes and biases against Asians, and our university as an institution creates a space for those stereotypes and biases to grow. For example, people think all Asians are rich and privileged. We have a lot of Asian students' families who came to the U.S. as immigrants and refugees. This country has been making it tremendously hard for immigrants and refugees to live a life. They live with limited resources but many barriers, and most of them work in low-income industries day and night and just want their kids to

have a bright future. We also have international students' families who sell properties or take loans for their kids to study abroad. Students often want to find a job or take student loans but learn that they cannot do so. It's challenging and tricky for our Asian students to get financial aid. And there is less scholarship money for them. A senior student said: "We are not asking for free tuition, but we are not cash cows. We just want a fair and transparent process and a friendly gesture from our university to care for us". We are Asians, but it doesn't mean we have to start everything with an "A." A student who used to be an orientation leader shared that an application full of biases was created when they were practicing a mock interview. In all of the pre-prepared applications, they put an easily identifiable name on it to tell that applicant is Chinese with a 4.0 GAP and no extracurricular. She said: "When I saw that application, I was hurt." A graduate school student shared a time when their professor was not happy with their homework. Instead of helping this student to improve, the professor said: "If you graduate with your homework like this, you would be the shame of xxxx(university)." 2020 is almost over, yet, stereotypes and biases against our Asian family members are still pervasive.

3) Lack of Voice from the Asian Campus Community

We wonder, how long will Asian family members be ignored? When it comes to Asians, it's always about cultural events. We are left out on important agendas. We are Asians; we matter; we feel the pain. Still, we don't have a platform, or no one helps us establish one to support us or let us speak out, share our experiences, and advocate. Not all of us were born in a culture that knows how to speak up or aggressively advocate for our rights. However, some people take advantage of that lack. One xxxx(university) student wrote an advocacy letter to their school, but the school inappropriately revealed their name. If an incident happened on campus, the alert would disclose the perpetrator's race if the person is Asian. A graduate student shared: "I could feel my heartbeat speed up when my professor said the 4.9 U.S. airlines beating incident was normal, as that Asian passenger was okay to be violently dragged from his seat. How come a person says, "It's normal," when guards aggressively drag a human being down the aisle? I immediately told my project manager that the professor's comment violated my identity and wanted to switch to another session. But I was informed that I'm not allowed." A staff shared: "When people in my office have conversations about race and civil rights, I feel left out, and there is no space for me to add my voice. People make race just about black and white and don't count my face as part of the civil rights conversation. I'm sitting in the office right there. But I feel invisible." A senior student was the only Asian at her internship place and was not treated fairly. Hence, she brought the unfairness up to her advisor. Her advisor told her, "we will work together on this," but didn't do anything. Another student shared: "Someone from my sorority suggested that we should not favor alumni's children because many black students' parents didn't go to xxxx(university) before. I felt uncomfortable about her white savior speech, and she should know many Asian students' parents haven't been to college either." So, how long will our Asian family members be ignored? Or should I ask, when can people see us?

4) The Need for a Collective Safe Space for the Asian Campus Community

We don't have a safe and trusting space in our university to process our experiences and feelings collectively. This is not about going to a therapy session or talking to an advisor. We are tired of hearing

people say "I'm sorry" with no change happening. I know our university provides a forum for all community members to report any incident, but do you think we feel safe and comfortable to do that? A student shared: "I always wanted a safe space on campus to report my experience, but I know people won't take my voice seriously. They can only offer reactive things and say they are sorry. I don't need any of them but something proactive." Two graduate students were speaking in their home language during a class break. A classmate came to them and said: "Say something I can understand." Our packages are maliciously damaged. When I got my job offer, a person said: "Congrats, another American has lost his job." Whether I was a student or now I'm working here, I have been frustrated about not knowing where to find my people to process my emotions and stories when I experienced bias, power, and racism. Many people at xxxx(university) know how to speak with political correctness, and therefore, their racist behaviors and words are more like a knife that doesn't make us bleed right away, but they hurt so bad and left a mark. Still, we don't have a place to show and heal the bruises.

I know I can't represent the whole Asian family, and not every family member has negative experiences. As long as any member of our community is experiencing discrimination, abuse of power, and bias, none of us can be free, and our faces are still be blamed. Today, as we strive to walk the talk, here are four possible actions for your considerations. The action points are as follows:

1) Create a Statement Condemning the use of the term “China Virus”

Even though it's almost been a year since the "Chinese Virus" label, fear is still in the air, and we are still facing the consequences of that racist slur. We need our university to stand up for us to condemn this hate speech and speak out against negative behaviors, and to take actions to end Chinese and other people of Asian descent community members' paranoia. We are not the virus; instead, racism towards Chinese or other people of Asian descent is the virus that must be stopped. The changes in policies (such as immigration policy and foreign policy) will immediately impact a lot of us. We need our school to create a plan to protect us and make us feel safe to come and stay.

2) Create a Plan to Stop Hatred and Discrimination Toward the Asian Campus Community

Our university needs to create a mechanism to stop hate towards Asian family members. We don't want any shallow link and form to report. Let's talk about the consequences when discrimination and bias happen to us. Our university also needs to make some organized effort on behalf of Asian family members. For example, create a group made of Asian faculty/advisors where we can go to process happenings and feelings together.

3) Create a More Inclusive Diversity 360

There have been many calls for diversity 360 trainings since the murder of George Floyd. We need our university to create mandatory training/ dialogues/ learning modules for everyone to learn about people of Asian descent, our history in the U.S., our diversity, and our experiences. The xxxx(university) community (including Asians) needs to be educated about adversities Asians have faced and how they have been heightened by politicians' words and acts of violence. We are not the model minority or the

quiet Asians. We want to be seen and heard.

4) Create a non-White Caucus for Asian, Black, and Brown Campus Community Members Stand in Solidarity For Asian, Black, and Brown Brothers and Sisters

We need conversations/ dialogues for non-white xxxx(university) members. It's still commonplace at xxxx(university) for people to not stand up and speak up for others who don't look like them who are experiencing discrimination. The truth is we've been pitted against each other under this oppressive system of white supremacy. We need a platform to share our experiences, build the capacity to fight for others, and heal together. In the end, what hurts us the most is not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.

We love our xxxx(university) community. I am here today speaking out because we want to make it better. I would like to thank each individual for their support and encouragement, as well as the 23 anonymous people who shared their experiences and thoughts with me. We hope the Diversity Leadership Council can help our university to take action. We will keep speaking up and speaking out until we are no longer ignored.

Thank you!

会议是顺利的，但结果是模棱两可的。我的支持者们在会议上也都呼吁我提的建议。需要继续跟进，这事儿不能就这算了。

“真香”后文：在我联系faculty们后，迟迟听不到回复，可能是真没看到吧。直到我在diversity leadership council上的一个同事用她phd的身份帮我reach out后，ta们立马回复了，还说ta们这个亚裔教职组织就是要创造一个inclusive community。当天为亚裔发声的会议ta们都没在，我确实不懂ta们所说的inclusive community是什么了。希望以后的对话中不要拿tittle来压我吧。存在power dynamic的对话，拧不成一股绳的。

Anyway, 亚裔的概念在翻译上是有理解误差的，在包容的语境下，并不只是亚洲血统的公民。和是否入籍没有关系，也包括移民、难民、和其他签证持有者。由于我们之前比例较少，不管来自哪一个亚洲国家或出生在这里，我们的长相/肤色就被定义为了亚裔。当然在亚裔细分时，我们自己知道谁是中国人、韩国人、菲律宾人等。并不是所有人都遭受过歧视或偏见，但是我们不能因为没有这些遭遇而去批评或看不起遭受歧视或偏见的朋友。这不是ta们的错，也不代表ta们没有能力。歧视的单位不是程度，歧视的方式也不是只有一种。只要有一个和我们一样面孔和肤色的人遇到歧视和不公，我们整体都被压迫、权利和歧视笼罩着。隐性和制度性的歧视，是遭遇了都不知道的，反而还能让我们顺理成章的接受。参与克利夫兰亚洲城社区建设的工作、在疫情下被歧视的时候为亚裔发声等等，这些是我对反种族主义立场的坚持和我对亚裔社区建设的美好期待。发声是追求正义的可行行动，是对基本人权、尊严和获得体面生活权力的保护。当然在这条倡议发声的路途中，我遇到过一些阻拦，几乎全是来自我们自己人。我可以理解在压迫制度下想要保全自己(和我)的想法。虽然目前这个阶段得不到ta们的支持，这并不影响我们继续是家人和朋友。跬步不休，跛鳖千里。这次的会议我也表达，不管学校是否帮助采取行动，我们亚裔都会团结起来继续发生，直到ta们不能再忽视我们。xxxx(university)大学是很好的提供教育和研究的高等教育机构。所有的努力只希望ta更好。感谢每一位家人和朋友对此次发声活动的支持和鼓励(拥有姓名)，也感谢23位与我诉说经历和想法的匿名分享者。在为亚裔发声的道路上，希望越来越多的“我们”加入，壮大我们的声音。团结就是力量。

如果你看到了这里，非常感谢。喝点水，活动活动。欢迎分享看法，或不同的观点，或帮助我更好的发声，也很需要支持。但请不要人肉我或攻击我，谢谢。