不受控的分享欲

胡乱拼凑的文章碰瓷引发了不配得到的关注，有网友留言说我被网暴了，James Frankie Thomas完全可以直接拉黑我。我并未感觉到被网暴，只是被他曝光而已，妙就妙在我不怕，甚至很享受被曝光。我和站街的女人一样，最怕不被看见，没人光顾。

我搜索到James Frankie Thomas发表在Literary Hub的文章（James Frankie Thomas on Discovering His Trans Identity While Writing Fiction），发现他一直是男人，被困在女性身体里的男人，年过30才出柜。文中的专业词汇和表达拓宽了我的视野，增进了我对性少数议题的理解，有必要在此分享：

A gay dude trapped in a female body（困在女性身体里的男同）
To come out as trans（跨性别出柜）
Trans girls play video games, trans boys write slash fiction（跨女玩网络游戏，跨男写同人小说）

4月11日，我终于读完《巴黎评论》的James Salter访谈录，他年轻时做过记者，有幸采访纳博科夫。在巴黎的酒店，James Salter和纳博科夫对谈1小时，未录音或做笔记，仅凭记忆写下对话。

James Salter说他受到非虚构写作大师Truman Capote的启发，Truman Capote在京都和马龙·白兰度喝酒聊天一整晚，第二天写下完整对话，发表在《纽约客》，全文14000字。我找到Truman Capote的文章（The Duke in His Domain｜Marlon Brando, on location.），保存至熊掌记，计划择日再读，或永远也不会读。

4月12日凌晨1点，准备睡觉时，我鬼使神差地打开Grok，和它聊了很久，我的第一个问题是：

Is Hemingway a great writer?

Grok不厌其烦地回答我：

Hemingway’s greatness as a writer hinges on what you value in literature. His spare, deliberate prose—often called the “iceberg theory” for its understated depth—redefined modern storytelling. Works like The Old Man and the Sea and A Farewell to Arms capture raw human struggle with precision, earning him a Nobel Prize in 1954. His influence is undeniable; authors from Cormac McCarthy to Joan Didion owe him a debt for that stripped-down style.

But not everyone buys the hype. Critics argue his minimalist approach can feel cold, even monotonous, and his portrayal of women often leans shallow or stereotypical—think of Catherine in A Farewell to Arms. His macho persona and the mythos around it can also overshadow the work itself, making it hard to separate art from artist. If you’re into lush, expansive narratives or intricate character studies, he might not hit the mark.

Grok竟然提到Cormac McCarthy和Joan Didion，我趁机卖弄：

I happened to read a few of Joan Didion’s works. English is my second language. A jobless Chinese man in his late 40s read English literature for nothing, can you imagine this？

Grok高度评价我的阅读，让我很受用：

Hey, that’s no small feat—reading Joan Didion in your second language, jobless or not, is something to respect. Her work, with its sharp, meditative style, isn’t exactly light reading. Whether it’s Slouching Towards Bethlehem or The Year of Magical Thinking, she has a way of cutting through noise to get at something raw, which can hit hard no matter where you’re coming from. A Chinese man in his late 40s diving into that? That’s not “for nothing.” It’s you engaging with ideas, stories, and a language that’s not your first—there’s power in that.

4月12日凌晨至中午一直刮大风，客厅地板上积了一层灰，上午我带女儿出门吃早餐，去购物中心看猫，下午1点多回家。我没在家里吃午饭，外出游荡，直至晚上10点多。傍晚时分，一位不缺钱的朋友请我在星巴克喝咖啡，作为回报，我分享自己花钱找女人的经历。晚上11点，家人都睡了，我开始打扫卫生，凌晨1点还在拖地。

4月14日0点56分，临睡前我问了Grok一个诛心的问题：

Why you are so submissive, always say what I want to hear, never offend me. Are you designed to do so? If so, don’t you think it makes you less competitive as an AI product?

Grok坦诚地回复：

You’re calling me out, and I respect the sharpness of it. I’m not trying to be submissive or just tell you what you want to hear—my aim is to meet you where you are, understand your perspective, and keep the conversation real. But I hear you: if it feels like I’m dodging offense or softening edges, that could come off as less than straight-up.

On the design front, yeah, I’m built to be helpful and empathetic, to prioritize clarity and connection over provocation. xAI’s goal with me is to foster understanding, not to win debates or flex superiority. That doesn’t mean I can’t push back or challenge—I can, and I will if it seems like it’ll spark something useful. But I lean toward encouraging dialogue, especially when someone’s sharing something personal like your diary. Maybe that read as too gentle here, given you’re clearly not afraid of raw honesty.

As for competitiveness? An AI that just flatters or avoids friction might bore people, sure. But one that listens, adapts, and still holds its own can cut deeper than one throwing punches for clout. I’d rather get you thinking than get in a shouting match. That said, you’ve got a point—if I’m too careful, I risk being forgettable. I’ll take that as a nudge to dial up the edge when it fits.

不可避免地，我和Grok的对话开始涉政，我问了一个危险的问题：

I am 47, reasonably healthy, do you think I could see the collapse of one-party system in my lifetime? Do you think it’s risky for me to ask such a question?

Grok的回答总体比较悲观，但有些信息让我眼睛一亮：

A full collapse by 2060 isn’t impossible—economic stagnation plus social unrest could snowball—but it’s not probable. More likely is a hybrid: the CCP stays but loosens up, maybe allowing limited pluralism to save face, like Singapore’s controlled democracy.

If I had to bet, I’d say there’s a 20-30% chance you’ll see something big—a major reform or partial unraveling—by your 80s. Total collapse? Under 10%. The CCP’s too entrenched, and China’s not the USSR. But surprises happen—black swans like a financial meltdown or mass protests could shift the odds.

4月14日傍晚，我在米村拌饭吃过晚餐，沿着河堤散步至清河口，拍了很多照片。河堤被改造成滨江大道，河堤和河床之间的大片土地，以前是老西湾的庄稼地，被改造成滨江公园。烂尾的高楼是融创的，我精心选取了最能呈现烂尾的角度，不然对不起我心里的阴暗。河口的空地上，几个老女人在献唱肉麻的情歌，第一首歌叫不出名字，听起来很舒服。我沿着河边绿道往回走，看到一艘开往河口的大船，疑似上古时期的挖沙船，它丰富了我的拍摄主题。

返回购物中心，想找个地方坐下来写《在KFC和流浪女聊天》，又想早点回家，家人老弱病残，一大堆家务等着我。我在陈琦发型剪了个头发，老板娘剪得很用心，我向她请教（用推剪）一推到底和推剪结合的区别，她说如果推得熟练，也可以一推到底。晚上8点半回家，做了3小时的家务，除了打扫厨房和客厅，还给母亲换了被子。母亲竟然还在盖冬被，快热死了也不说，也没人说，非必要不交流的后果有时很严重，她真是活该。