I was taught to die in school

I do not need bullets;

I myself am one.

If there is no bomb,

I should make myself a bomb.

If the enemy force me to surrender,

I had better kill myself.

I should be obedient, benevolent, honest……,

but most importantly, I should know when to die.

A prince should die for the king;

a soldier should die for the general;

a mother should die for her child;

a teacher should die for students;

a doctor should die for patients.

I was taught to die before to live.

I live to die.

I'm terrified. I cannot sleep.

But a weapon doesn't sleep.

It just needs to know when to fire.

I have to die because everybody else does.

They even compete to die.

If I hesitate, I will be scolded.

You're selfish! You're ungrateful!

You traitor! You enemy!

But do I die a meaningful death? I don't know.

Do I die for a better world? Not really.

Do I die to avoid more deaths? Never.

I was taught to die in school,

not why to die, not never die.