Tough stuff

Hades has fallen on hard times. In his kingdom there was a complete... Asshole.

The morning did not bode well, the day began cloudy and gray. Hades got up from his wide bed on wooden posts and looked out the large latticed window.

Snow was falling in large flakes, and a fine gray dust filled the whole place. So much so that it was sickening to see the demons swallowing it and blowing steam out of their nostrils. But what about Hades? Demons are survivable: as they suffocate, so they will be reborn, and the main thing is united, that his kingdom was alive and unharmed.

There was a knock in the room. At first softly, but then it was loud.

- Who knocked on my door?! - Hades shouted. His head was buzzing after the strong wine he'd drunk last night. The feast and the maidens, it had been a great party.

- It's me, your ward Cristiano! - came the reply of one of his underlings. - And your faithful servant," he continued, but more quietly.

- Come in, Cristiano! - Hades continued. The hum in his head changed to a buzzing, as if thousands of small wasps had suddenly attacked his consciousness.

Cristiano entered the room. He looked reflective. His head was chopped in half, dark blood oozing from a deep scar on his neck.

- You're blooming, Cristiano," Hades smiled wryly at the servant. - Yes, as always! Wait, what are you here with?

- The news is not comforting, my lord! - A drop of blood on his neck grew larger and larger, and he wanted to lick it off. - "This night," he continued. - The Christians have attacked our demons, and now there is mad fighting. Fighting for the kingdom of heaven!

- Strange," Hades thought to himself. - But that's to be expected... There's been a war between us for a long time, but it's a cold war, and some people are defaming others. Christians don't like the fact that after death they will go not to heaven, but to hell.

- To this, my lord, I have a witness. After the morning meal, follow me...

After a cold, mind-clearing bath and a rich breakfast, Hades called Cristiano to him again and they went outside. In the courtyard a man was waiting for them. Dressed as a Christian, but without a cross around his neck.

- This is my witness," said Cristiano. - When he went to Hell, he fucked two lesbians for a long time.

- What do you say, what do you think of Hell?! - Hades wheezed.

- I didn't marry for love, but because my parents insisted," the Christian began his story. - They said, "You are already thirty, unmarried, no children, and we want grandchildren! My wife is beautiful, her father is rich, but her temper is capricious and she is not good in bed.

- Eight years passed," continued the Christian. - We had three children, and according to Christian customs, I can't go to the left, I can't go to a brothel, and I can't get a divorce. Although in his youth my father visited a brothel, but he doesn't tell me to! And according to Christian laws, disobeying your parents is a great sin. I was tormented.

- Yes, your fate is sad," Hades brushed away a tear that rolled down his cheek. - So how did you get to Hell, how did you stumble?

- Late one night, I was coming home from a pub, tormented by my unquenchable pain. **I staggered along the road, but then my neighbor, who was sitting in his cart, ran over me, and his horse clobbered me with its hooves....

I was not in Paradise, but in Hell, but it was impossible to tell the difference. And then two women caught my eye. Beautiful and. agreeable," the Christian smiled like a cat that had eaten too much sour cream...

***

- Let us go outside the courtyard of your kingdom," Cristiano suggested. - And look at the flames of the war that is beginning.

Leaving the Christian who was telling them their hard fate, they went outside the gate. The fire was indeed burning, the flames were flaring up, the smoke was columnar, and fiercely burning eyes peered through the murky gray clouds of steam. And it was unclear whether the demons or the Christians in front of them were beating so fiercely.

"We are the forces of good!" it was heard now and then.

"We are the forces of evil!" - it was followed by.

Cristiano, Hades turned to the servant, "Are there forces of good and evil?"

- I will not say exactly, my lord," he answered. - But there is justice, which neither men nor demons can control.

- So who can control it?!

Before Hades could speak, smoke rose and the smell of blood rose. It was impossible to see what was happening ahead... Hades and Cristiano were met by the head of a demon or a Christian, it was unclear. But it was clear that the fight was merciless.

- We're going to kill each other like this! - Hades turned sharply toward the servant, his face flaming with anger. - What are we going to do now?!

- But there is always a way out," Cristiano said quietly, lowering his eyes.

And then he added, minting each word_.

- Let's turn the world over to Artificial Intelligence, robotization, cryptocurrencies, Bitcoin and Blockchain! They can do it.

- Fuck!