is it my fault?

During spring break, family gatherings are unavoidable, and of course, social topics are unavoidable. As for me, while undertaking the great job of rolling out dumpling skins, I was involved in a "bloody" battle with my family (mainly with my father).

1: About Russia and Ukraine. My father said: "It's always said that Russia is aggression, but it's not aggression at all. What if it's not Russia? After NATO's eastward expansion, Russia's security will be threatened. If a knife is on your neck, you won't defend yourself? Ukraine should fight. Join NATO and push Russia into a hurry, they really beat you."

Me: "Self-defense? Going to someone else's house for self-defense? Ukraine became independent in 1991, and joining NATO is its freedom, right? Russian armed forces entered Ukraine and tried to occupy several major cities and regions in Ukraine. What is this called aggression? Let's talk about threats. When South Korea deployed the THAAD anti-missile system, why did China only condemn it, but couldn't do it? Because South Korea didn't do it. Why do I blame Putin for the invasion of Ukraine? Because he undermines the basic principles of society and the country."

Father: "Why are you so narrow-minded? Don't be brainwashed by the United States. Read more domestic history books, and you will understand that Putin is defending Russia's interests. There are always people saying that Stalin was dictatorial. "

Me: "Does the domestic history book have to be correct? The so-called interests of Russia are actually Putin's own power. The first time I heard someone support autocracy, I would like to ask, will the internal conflicts disappear after the reunification? Yes, because all voices that are different from the rulers have been eliminated."

About donating money to Ukraine, I decided to keep my father tight-lipped, otherwise it would be another scolding war. I wasn't particularly surprised by his attitude. Although he is abroad, the channel for him to receive information is still from China, where speech is highly purged. He actually acquiesced to a war that the Russian people were opposed to, and did not care about the lives of the Russian and Ukrainian people. Who was brainwashed?

2: On school violence and mental health. My sister's best friend is a depressed patient. She said that the friend did not study well since she was a child, and she became depressed because of the realistic environment and various psychological gaps after she went to vocational high school. I said to her like this: "He chose to be your friend, which shows that you are trustworthy. The person who can open up a person with depression must not be ordinary people."

Naturally, my father would not give up the opportunity to speak out. "Depression is not something that can be seen intuitively like a fever. Who said he is depressed, there is no way to detect this." The psychiatrist understands? But if you look it up online, you won't say that.

Later, I talked about the issue of school violence. I mentioned that a classmate PUA in junior high school spread my rumors and prevented me from talking to my elementary school friends. I used to trust my father and told him many times about my pain and overwhelm when I was being controlled. Who knows, he said indifferently, "What is this, you should stay away from her." My only reaction after hearing this was that I might as well not tell him about it. When I was a teenager, I saw him as a haven where I could trust and seek help, but his questioning about my feelings undoubtedly shattered my already fragile heart.

I once told him about the experience of a friend who was subjected to school violence (I am very sorry for this friend, because it was an invasion of his privacy and exploitation of trust), and when I described it, he laughed and said, "And that kind of thing, hahaha." I couldn't help it, WTF? ? ? My head hummed, but nothing came out. At the party, my father asked family members, secretly filming, stealing clothes, being isolated, and whether it was considered school violence. After receiving a positive, clear answer, he said "oh" and then said, "That kid needs to be strong."

Next, I said the toughest thing I've said to him in twenty years. "My friend overcame this and tried to be the righteous one. If he's not strong, then no one is strong. "

3: About Feng County. Seeing that the atmosphere was a little anxious, the aunt quickly shifted the topic to the mother of eight children in Fengxian County, but this only added fuel to the fire.

Father just learned that Xiaohuamei was still trapped, and even the police had not rescued her. "It's definitely not true," he said. "How could the police not be able to save a woman?"

Aunt: "Everyone in the village is united, even the village chief. It's like a pyramid selling organization."

Father: "You're logically wrong. Why doesn't she escape? She can run away if she has food, and she can go to other villages to beg or something."

Me: "So you're saying that Xiaohuamei is like this because she didn't run away? Even if she wanted to run away, she was chained and mentally abnormal. She ran out and met someone and was caught. How could she run away?"

Sister: "The government wants to maintain stability. If rural people are not allowed to buy wives, they will cause trouble and become a destabilizing factor in society. So the government would rather sacrifice some women to maintain social stability."

Father: "Stop talking nonsense, can the government do such inaction? Aren't all those abductors sentenced to prison?"

Sister: "Go and investigate. In the past cases of abduction and trafficking of women and children in mainland China, there will be no sentence, or at most two or three years."

Me: "The government has given a symbolic sentence, but the force is not as strong as it should be, and the rest is to let it go. This is actually an encouragement in disguise. The incident in Feng County is just the tip of the iceberg, and there are still so many women and children. Victims, not even on the news. You see all the news the government wants your Communist Party supporters to see. You don’t believe that the party and government you support has so many dark sides.”

Father: "Don't let your sympathy for others control your reason. You are superficial and narrow-minded. It's too much to think about this matter."

I can't believe that the person closest to me is someone who has no empathy. Thinking about the past when I paid attention to such cases, he would always criticize me and say, don't always look at these negative things. He cleans up Russia himself, questioning the existence of mental illness and school violence, ignoring social tumors and chaos, but accusing me of not being rational enough, that those who have been hurt deserve it, or that they are not strong enough. But he regards meanness as reason and indifference as strength. And then stand on some high point, satirizing and trampling on my pure justice and goodness. Am I too virgin? Or as he said, am I being too aggressive and mistaking sympathy for affection?

Dear readers, am I wrong?