The Story of Me and the Peace Hotel

It has been more than half a year since the last long article was published on the Internet.

After returning to China, I tried to write an article entitled "Why Is Home", describing the various identity crises I experienced in the United States; but because it involved some politically sensitive topics that now seem to be far away, and I I am also addicted to enjoying at least a superficial return to normal life, and the years are quiet, so I put it aside for the time being.

Looking back on most of the past articles, the main theme is inseparable from pain, confusion and struggle. Although these emotions give me a real feeling of being alive, they are the source of inspiration for my creation, and the constant self-tearing brings me endless internal friction. Recently, "mbti learning" is very popular. After returning to China, I have devoted myself to transforming myself from an infj Hitler-type autistic person into an esfp-type current person. So far, this attempt has been successful.

In previous articles , I wrote, "My problem is 'thinking too much, reading too little'", "Love is the best way to overcome absurdity". Now I want to say that it is biased to attribute the confusion to "too little reading". More precisely, the problem lies in "doing too little" ; It is the fundamental way . My first two relationships (yes, I broke up with andrew) taught me that love by itself doesn't save anyone. However, I didn't expect another fate to usher in this August, which quietly promoted my growth in a seemingly unexpected and reasonable way.

The reason why the Peace Hotel is called the Peace Hotel

It's all down to my friend who is very good at giving people code names.

Foreign love is out of the question, now I know. So many dramas happened in the first half of this year that I don't know what kind of mentality I should look back on those days. I couldn't squeeze a single tear out of the breakup this time, and I guess I dried up my tears during the talk. Although I cut off this bad relationship, I didn't get out of the cycle of tinder date to relieve emptiness. I kept swiping left and yelling fear of men. I am so contradictory. It was at this moment that I came across the Peace Hotel.

I should be more frank about my behavior, even though I have already thought of how people who hate me will complain about me, "sanctified" and "seamless". But am I really a hypocritical heartless person? Can I only forget a person by overwrite?

Meanwhile, friends who have witnessed the ups and downs of my emotional life say they haven't seen me this happy in a long time. As usual, they kept calling my man nicknames, and he went from what I called the "Finance Guy" to what they called the "Peace Hotel" because he always liked to wear a green peaked cap and stood tall on the Bund The Peace Hotel has an equally eye-catching green roof.

When we met, he said that he originally liked blue, but because of the girl he liked last time, he started to like green. Unexpectedly, I also like green more and more in this month; when we parted, he said that he also likes green when shopping in the supermarket I started to look at the ingredient list, but I didn’t know that quitting sugar lightly was also a habit I developed because of my previous boyfriend. Sometimes fate is such a teaser.

Always on the road, with Polaroid...

The relationship was premised on his return to France at the end of August. Therefore, maximizing the happiness of this month became our common goal.

He has done a lot for me. I received flowers twice, a bouquet of colorful flowers and a bouquet of romantic roses. Every time I brought them back to the office, my kind colleagues helped me cut open the large Nongfu Spring bottle they drank and asked me to treat it as a gift. Arranging flowers in a vase, I became a conspicuous bag in the office; he came to pick me up from work almost every day, sometimes ate wheat wheat next to the company, and sometimes walked/cycled home with me along the river; during the book fair, he ignored my persuasion and came to be a After working for foreign aid for a few days, the cheeky help me get a gift book signed by Bi Feiyu; in the end, we took two trips as needed.

My life has never been so busy and full. Throughout August, I was torn between book fairs, internships, travel, and him. I went forward in multiple lines, and I didn't catch my breath. Even though the last two days of my trip at the end of the month left me too tired to even drink two Americano's, most of the months of being pushed along gave me much-needed vitality.

It’s hard to imagine that in June, a friend who chatted from time to time came to ask me how I was doing recently. After listening to my answer, I sighed, “Why do you feel like you are always in such pain”; Specialist clinic at No. 600. In just two months, I actually constructed another set of life order; and my progress is that this time, I didn’t use anyone as a way to escape my confused situation, and I was loving myself, the people around me and others. I love what I do, and the presence of the Peace Hotel is just icing on the cake - it lays the foundation for a healthy dynamic.

My happiest days are when I travel, and my second happiest are when I plan to travel. What matters to me is not where I go, but the feeling of being on the road. Although I didn't lose myself in the romantic relationship with the Peace Hotel, it's hard to say whether I was escaping something by traveling. The only thing I'm sure of is that the problems that kept me infighting before didn't disappear out of thin air. But whatever, August, I seem to be on the road all the time...

He got a Polaroid for the trip and bought 40 sheets of photo paper and said he would keep all the pictures for me. He later carried it with him whether he was traveling or not, and by the time he was gone, my photo album was almost full. I have a faint feeling that Polaroid is the epitome of this relationship . Polaroids are used to capture moments, but the difference from cameras and mobile phones is that because of the scarcity and cost of photo paper, the captured moments have a cost, and the time we experience is also driven by this A costly highlight moment .

But after a moment, what is it? Is it eternity, or nothingness?

passion will end

Every one of my boyfriends has told me that I make them happy, from the bottom of my heart, close to authentic happiness. I probably really have the magic of spreading sunshine.

But all good shows come to an end. This is a good thing, the sadness that has not ended can't set off the excitement when a good show is staged. Like the night after the book fair, I got home a bit sad. Because the book fair is like a political movement staged around the world in 1968 , as a young man who was suddenly and passively pulled out and integrated into the collective, I couldn't help but hesitate.

He always asks me if I love him or not, and I say yes, but I don't.

I know that we are completely different people in our bones. When I was traveling, I loved the dilapidated streets of Wuhan, and he loved the prosperity of Changsha’s Guojin Commercial District; I only dated him when I was at a critical point in my life, but I couldn’t let go of my self-seeking in confusion, and my angry attitude towards political events and feminism, and I couldn’t reconcile with many things.

In the past love affairs, I took the internal three-view fit as the limiting condition for screening, and compromised other things, such as personality, growth background, and compatibility; and in this relationship, I temporarily let go of the resonance of the soul . I don't know how to go in the future, but at least at the moment, I experience unprecedented happiness, have fun, and enjoy myself in time, which is enough for me at the age of 21.

I've felt pushed along by the inertia of passion this month.

My happiness is like candles, like fireworks. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m trying to force a smile, or I’ve really turned into a happy puppy, and I can’t take off the mask after wearing it for a long time.

But it will be tiring after a long time, because the reality is not the ideal state of an absolutely smooth plane preset by middle school physics questions. The real world has resistance, and the inertia will gradually disappear with the effect of resistance.

It's time to slow down too...