Life Essay│Can't Write It Out

"If my friends are not tired of this little man like me, Sanmao, I am willing to continue to be a storyteller. I will not tell any great truth, because I have no knowledge, but I am willing to be in the future. , still make constant efforts, with my hand, write with my mouth, with my mouth, express my heart.

Maybe sometimes I will be silent for a while and stop publishing, please don't think I'm lazy, and don't think that Sanmao has no trace, no matter what.

If I suddenly stop, it only means that I am cultivating and precipitating myself; I am telling myself that writing is important, and sometimes it is even more important to stop writing. ” - San Mao 

A while ago, I really fell into the situation of "no way to write". Even to the point of being a little anxious.

The things in my head, the things I feel in my heart, and the time and physical strength required for writing are all not well connected. For nearly a month, I haven't been able to publish new articles here according to my expectations. My mind is occupied by too many ideas, but I can't keep up with my actions. The things I think about are very jumpy and there are many things to think about, but in the end they all come to the same conclusion: I want more money to be free. This freedom includes freedom in time, mood, body, and finances, so I am even more anxious and can only spend my energy on actions for money. I'm in a bad cycle of thinking right now.

I still have feelings for many things in my heart, but I can’t make a corresponding response. It seems that everything is occupied by dissatisfaction and I can’t interact or socialize well with people. I don’t want to spend time on “others”. Only the interaction with close friends who will always keep in touch is not tiring. what! It seems that he is too tired of "the feeling of having to explain the ins and outs of things from scratch". So sometimes even if you have a dinner with friends you have known for a long time but don’t usually contact, you will feel that you don’t know where to share what happened in your life, and there are too many things to explain. really tired. In the past, I could pack a lot of itineraries and go to a lot of places, but now I really don’t have the energy, I just want to go home early, so the circle of life is getting smaller and smaller, and I feel even more disappointed that I haven’t been able to accomplish more things.

The time and physical strength of writing are almost all consumed by the time of commuting and commuting. Although it is considered to seize the time to read some books while commuting, and add a little input, but the more you absorb different things, you will be stimulated. I have a desire to write, to record the feelings caused by what I saw, or to connect with things I have come into contact with in the past, but the fatigue in my heart really makes me unable to spare time or energy.

But I am eager to write. The more this is the case, the more I find it unbearable to have nothing written or recorded.

For me, writing is the only way I know how to express any feeling, so it seems that if I can't write these feelings and things I see, they will accumulate in my heart or body, causing a kind of inability to write. The state of metabolism seems to be both psychological and physical. So I leave everything behind today and give myself time to slowly write these thoughts and feelings out. It is also to give myself some time to take a deep breath and take a good look at whether the things that are taking up time and energy in my life now really need to continue.

In order to get out of the cycle of thinking and actions being given by money, I started to read books on investment and financial management, such as "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", I knew that I had to escape from this mouse race.

 "Everyone lives to overcome anxiety and fear and gain a sense of security.

Gaining fame, dominating others, and earning money are all for peace of mind. Getting married and making friends is also for peace of mind, serving others, doing your best for love and peace, etc., all for the sake of peace of mind. Pursuing peace of mind is the purpose of human beings. "--DIO, Araki Hirohiko "JOJO's Bizarre Adventure"

Because of anxiety, I made decisions that seemed to make me feel at ease, but in fact, many of them were choices that were more likely to make me uneasy. Because we were chased by the pressure of life, we looked for a job and felt at ease because we could temporarily pay all kinds of expenses, but the peace of mind was not because we knew what we were doing, but because we were temporarily at ease because we could pay the bills. But every day I wake up because of the bills, because I am afraid of not being able to pay the bills, so I drag my unwilling body to go to work. The result of selling ourselves to work is that there are more holes that need to be filled, and we spend more money to satisfy those unease. In such a vicious cycle, we lose sight of the truth, only fear, bills, and paychecks.

Although I haven't been able to make a big investment right away, I have been broken with the old way of thinking, and I hope to learn and change more for financial freedom.

So instead of wanting to learn to invest for financial freedom, it is better to make more efforts to have more free time. Although the result is the same as the purpose, after all, isn't financial freedom the ability not to do things you don't want to do for money?

Think about it, the most important thing in life is time. Everyone has the same amount of a day, but where time is spent will achieve different results. All results have to be exchanged for time. "Where the time is spent, where the achievement is" is a simple truth, I spend my time doing things I don't like, and I will become more convinced that I hate this kind of me; if I spend my time exercising , then I will be able to see a healthier self; if I spend time studying foreign languages, the chances of passing the test will also increase; the longer the investment time, the better the accumulated profits will be able to see the difference. The causal relationship between time and achievement is obvious.

Wish I could make time every day for myself to write something. Release the breath that has accumulated in the chest and make it difficult to breathe, and gain expression and comfort. This kind of metabolism may also make me more healthy.

I also expect to resign this month. I really don't want to continue to lie to myself. I always feel that my whole body and mind are protesting against me. I think I really need to take a moment to adjust the situation, it seems really urgent to me right now.