Chaos Daily Essays｜Pity

The only thing that is certain is that you are indeed born here at this moment. So you go on choosing your own truth; so you go on. until life burns out.

I haven't written well for a while . Whether it's in Matt City, where I always reject political correctness, or on social media, I haven't been able to express my thoughts and feelings in detail recently, and my emotions have never stopped.

It’s not that there is no inspiration to write, nor is there a lack of real motivation for writing. It’s just that I’m becoming more and more strict with my own words . I have deleted and changed what I wrote. After adjusting the tone and then changing the words, I still feel that it is not accurate enough. Simply delete all the text that has been typed.

Normally, I am not someone who can’t make decisions quickly, but recently, the self in writing has become a repetitive, hesitant, and even more annoying existence. As everyone knows, the biggest motive for making myself write down recently has become "self-pity" .

In May , the camp meeting, which had been prepared for nearly two years, was announced to be closed. In June, the pressure of the final paper came. At the end of the month, I left the education publishing industry after I had been staying for more than 10 months. In July, I was chased by a series of work progress accumulated earlier. There is a hit from the teacher's rating.

In the first intensive Japanese class with one week left, I met a friend who was working in the United Daily News. He did not know that when I heard him say that he was working there, my heart was already filled with curiosity and longing .

When I imagine that if I don't control my emotions at the moment, I directly ask the other person about the specific work details. I was surprised to find that the goal of my conversation with him was to make the other person feel how pitiful he was, and I hoped that he felt that I was already very good .

Look again at this piece of my "Attack on Titan" exhibition, I took my most satisfying photo and my favorite sentence, only to find that the reason why I am so hungry for "being pityed" is that I never really Believe in the decisions you make .

At this moment, the situation that we think is accidental or unchangeable, whether it is family background or personality traits that have been cultivated for a long time, in fact, everything has been created by the sum of the past .

So, when I choose to stop feeling sorry for myself, and stop using other people's sympathy as morphine for self-consolation, it is possible to muster up the courage to face the real situation, the indisputable facts, and the self that is waiting to be realized.