Toxicity Spread (GL)
"Why do you do this to me? What does she have that I don't have? Do you think she's better than me? You say--you say--" On the street, people came and went, one girl dragged the other The girl bowed her head and sobbed.
"Niki, you're fine, I didn't tell you that you're not good, there are so many people here, don't be like this." The girl dressed in a neutral dress with a half-length haircut is a little helpless to the entanglement of her girlfriend, and to the passing Pedestrians cast an embarrassing look.
"Then tell me! Why do you want her to not want me?" Nicky asked with tears in her eyes. Her heart ached, and she thought she was about to die.
She was her first love, and she was her fourth... or fifth lover.
The two met indirectly through a friend's introduction.
At first, the friend simply hoped that the introverted Nicky could expand her relationships, so she took advantage of a party to ask her out, hoping that she could get to know more friends.
At that time, when friends arrived at the venue, they were like birds that could not be caught. They took Nicky to greet the friends present one by one, and then left her to others and ran to manage their own relationships.
Nikki, who was suddenly dizzy after being repeatedly questioned by many strangers, was wondering what to do when she heard a commotion not far away.
Nicki cast her gaze following the voice, but she didn't know what those people were forming a circle for. From time to time, someone ran past her, stroking her, and everyone was pushing like crazy. The puzzlement turned into curiosity, she walked over, from time to time on tiptoe to look around, hoping to see clues from the slits.
"Qinyan, Qinyan, you are finally here..."
The commotion was still there. Nicki heard this name from those people. It was supposed to be a simple name for her, but she never thought that it would be branded in her heart.
Cui Qinyan, her first love, is not the most handsome and beautiful, but a charming woman. She has been in love five times, and every relationship ends when someone intervenes. The woman who is in the current girlfriend's relationship will justifiably become her next girlfriend, but in every "in business" relationship, no matter how beautiful and charming her girlfriend is, she will still be unable to keep up with other women. ambiguous.
At the beginning, when Nicki was with her, her friends had warned her not to fall in love with Qinyan, but, like other women, she naively thought that she had the ability to tame this wild horse.
She would definitely be her last woman, which was Nikki's firm declaration.
*
Despite her friends' objections, she insisted on loving Nicki, and soon after dating Qinyan, she started living with her. Her life was Cui Qinyan besides work. With her, Nicki seemed to have everything...
Yes, Cui Qinyan is her whole world.
She learns to cook for her, and for her, no matter how tired she is at work, she has to clean the house spotlessly when she gets home.
Qinyan has a pet dog. For her sake, she worked hard to overcome her fear of puppies, and even took on the responsibility of taking care of dogs.
She didn't dare to eat spicy food, but she was hospitalized with acute gastroenteritis for Qinyan's sake.
All of this is all she loves her performance, she is happy.
However, soon, she found on Qinyan's phone that she had an ambiguous conversation with others. For the first time, she was heartbroken and couldn't help but quarreled with her with the evidence of her ambiguous relationship with others. , that time, Qinyan left home angrily.
Nicky stayed at home sadly and waited for her to come back, but Qinyan disappeared silently for five days, called her, didn't answer, sent her LINE, waited and waited, sent messages over and over again, from Asked angrily and begged, the phone in his hand frequently opened the window marked with her name in LINE, and every message she sent in the past showed "read", but she did not see her response.
Five days was too long, and she thought that their love had ended so quickly. It wasn't until the morning of the fifth day, after the fourth sleepless night, that she finally hoped Qinyan back.
"Qinyan, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me, don't leave me, okay? Please—"
"Well, I'm back, dear, don't cry, don't cry anymore."
When she turned her head to look at Qinyan standing in front of the gate, Nicki rushed up to hug her happily and scared. Qinyan disappeared for five days, where did she go? with whom? what did you do? These things that should have been questioned are no longer important at this moment.
The first quarrel after dating ended with Nikki's compromise.
The two of them were at peace with each other, allowing Nicky to quickly return to the original track of life, her heart was bright again, she still did her best to be her girlfriend, and continued to regard Qinyan as her own world.
She thought that after that quarrel, the relationship between the two would become more indestructible, and the blueprint for the future was clearly imprinted in her mind.
Unexpectedly, Qinyan's affair with others happened again, and the second quarrel was staged again. Qinyan still left Nicki alone in the quarrel.
The second time, Qinyan disappeared for seven days.
Nicky began to wait at home hard like the first time, making calls all the time, and what she got was sometimes shutting down and sometimes hanging up on purpose. The subject or another woman is in bed, but what can she do?
She can only continue to wait, continue to express her love and feelings for her on LINE, and then wait, wait, wait, wait indefinitely, and what she waits for is still "read" on LINE.
And Qinyan always came back to her after she begged for mercy softly.
I saw another ambiguous incident, this is the third time, the same situation, the same quarrel, the same emotional confession, the same waiting, repeated after repeated, like a ghost hitting a wall, broke into reincarnation, again and again Loop endlessly.
The same crying, insomnia, longing, and desperate hope, Nicky seems to be addicted to drugs, no one can cure her, only Qinyan's antidote can save her, and only Qinyan can make herself up and down on the sea. Pull ashore.
*
In the four years of dating, the same situation happened again and again, Yan Ran became a part of daily life, and the fourth, fifth, sixth... , even Nikki can't count how many times it has been.
Finally--after the t... She continued to love her chance, even if she might have to share her with other women, even if Qinyan only gave her one-tenth of her love, it didn't matter, she didn't want to mind this kind of endless loop anymore.
"Niki, let's break up!" Nikki, who thought she could keep her as long as she didn't mind, heard the words from Qinyan that she didn't want to hear.
"Why? Why do you do this to me? What's wrong with me?" Qin Yan's words undoubtedly sentenced her to death.
"You're fine." Qinyan's face was solemn, but her tone was cold and chilling.
"Since you think I'm good, why did you break up with me? I can change what I don't do well, I can change it..." Nicky grabbed her hand and asked in a panic.
"No, no, it's none of your business, it's not your problem, Nikki, don't cry, okay?" Qinyan paused, her voice softened, she reached out and held the hands that were holding her, but Did not mean to get rid of her.
"You want to leave me, is it because the food I cook is not delicious? I'll change it! Or do you think I haven't tidy up my house? I'll change it! Or... or because I was with your friend last time. Going out to eat spicy hot pot, it made you embarrassed? Or are you still angry that I didn't take good care of Heibao, causing him to vomit and have diarrhea after eating randomly? I will pay attention to it later... don't Can you leave me?" Qinyan kept saying that it was none of her business, but she began to think about what she had done and what made Qinyan leave her.
"No, it's not like this. You did a good job and I was lucky enough to make you fall in love, really." Qinyan released her hand, held her face gently, and gently wiped away the tears for her. .
"Then why..." Being so tenderly cared for by the lover she loved with her life, Nikki lowered her head, and her tears fell even more urgently.
"When we first met, you knew that I was a person who was not comfortable with the current situation. My heart was still unsettled, and I didn't plan to spend the rest of my life with someone, do you understand?" Qinyan knew that if there was no such thing as Make it clear, Nicky won't give up.
"I don't understand, I don't understand...I don't understand...you...you didn't say that at the beginning..." Nicky lowered her head and sobbed Shaking her head, her heart was flustered and her thoughts were confused, her mind was filled with the original vows and sweet words.
"Yes, I did say that I would be with you for the rest of my life and love you with the rest of my life. I thought I could do it, but...a year, two years have passed, and now, I find myself I really can't go on like this, I'm not a good lover, I can't give you the love you want, so I don't want to continue worrying about you, let it go! Go to find true happiness, I believe there is always someone in this world who can give all my heart The one who loves you." Qinyan stroked her hair, then gently took her into her arms and patted her back.
Nikki's body trembled, and the hands hanging down beside her trembled and grabbed her hand again. Suddenly, she saw the hands that were held together, and the ring she gave her was still on her ring finger, but she didn't. Unable to see the bracelet she gave her back then, Nicki finally realized that she had lost her, and she will be alone in the future...
Qinyan sighed heavily, she was reluctant but also heartless, if she could, she really didn't want to hurt her. She gently pushed Nicki away, used her index finger to tick off her tears, dropped a kiss on her forehead, paused, and kissed her cheek gently before turning and leaving.
"Don't go...don't go...I don't want to break up...I don't want to..." The warmth in Nicki's hands disappeared, and she spread her arms Hands, looking at the hands that were once held firmly, there was always another warmth in the palms protecting her and caring for her, tears fell straight down in the palms, but she could no longer feel any feeling.
She raised her head and raised her head high, tears blurred her vision, the sky was cloudless and only a blue sky was left, the sound of people and cars came from her ears, the world was still turning, but her world... When Qinyan turned and left, it collapsed instantly.
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