For you who accidentally yelled at your children: 9 parenting plans of the strongest training military in Korea, raising children who "talk well and listen"

I believe that every mother who sees the title of this book will have a knowing smile unconsciously, and then you can't help but pick up this book and want to take a good look at what the author wants to tell us? Do you want to blame us who are already exhausted? Or do you want to comfort our tormented hearts?

Thinking back to every time I yelled and yelled, it was mostly when the child was crying, frustrated by being rejected by us as parents, or emotionally out of control caused by being too mentally exhausted, and sometimes when they were angry. And the continuous cry of sadness is difficult to arouse 100% sympathy for us as parents over the years, but it is easy to gradually turn into disgust because of the repeated occurrence, so we can't help yelling at the child: " Can you stop arguing all the time? Do you know how hard your mother is usually?"

From the roaring content above, I can feel that as a mother, I feel aggrieved for my usual hard work and think that I should not be provoked and self-willed by my child, so I added my own emotions at the head of the child's emotional storm, hoping that the child can Understand my position, but does this really work? I personally think that it is almost impossible for children to understand when they are under the age of four. If they are born with strong empathy after the age of four, they should be able to gain a little understanding from their children. However, the author does not recommend parents to do this, and believes that they do not need to complain about their own. To express to the child, simply use a calm tone and a firm attitude to face the child's noise . After reading the author's words, I also deeply self-examined, and I really shouldn't mix my emotions with the current events. Being together not only makes it easy for children to not understand the point of things, but also has the suspicion of emotional blackmail.

When we think back to our childhood, what are the reasons our parents usually yell at us? It's nothing more than wanting to change us, or wanting us to live life the way they do . If we think differently from them, they will always try to contradict us and ask us to accept their values. If we don't, they will challenge our parents. authority, and they got angry and started talking to us.

Do you see the reason for the above statement? The answer is that parents do not respect the opinions of underage children and believe that they can change their children . In fact, every child is born with their own unique personality and innate temperament. Parents can guide their children through education and environmental influences, but Children should not be deprived of the right to think independently and make choices . Of course, excessive respect can also cause serious problems . For example, it means that it is a dangerous thing or a behavior that affects others, but because parents lack love and respect in their childhood, they wait until they are After becoming a parent, he overcorrected, making his child unclear about the boundaries of things, disregarding the child's safety and the rights of others, and self-interpretation as his own love and respect for his child. Take an example that I have seen with my own eyes! When my child was about two years old, I signed up for a physical fitness course for young children. At that time, a child was deliberately ramming other children while running, but the child's mother not only did not have a straight face, but also persuaded the child in a soft-spoken way. As a result, the child did not listen to the persuasion at all, and repeated the action over and over again, and the mother did not change her parenting style at all, and did not take the child away from the scene. From this example, it can be seen that a serious wrong behavior is not strictly stopped . Of course, it is not that the mother punishes or abuses the child, but the mother's words and deeds do not make the child feel the seriousness of the matter , and make mistakes again and again. As a result, they can continue to go to class as if nothing had happened, which will make the child feel that his naughty behavior is harmless. This is not love and respect, but it causes the child to have wrong cognition and continue to make wrong behaviors.

Another thing parents are easily frustrated by is expecting their children to learn or change multiple things (or habits) at the same time. Adults seem unable to accept why a small thing needs repeated persuasion and is not effective. Most parents are I don’t have the patience to wait for the child’s age-appropriate development or to improve from the bottom of my heart. For example, it is mentioned in the book that I expect my child to sit and eat without moving, so don’t expect him to be a picky eater and eat faster and more. One thing is enough , and it takes a different amount of time to see results. I am also very impressed with this, because I also had wrong expectations. As a result, it often takes a habit to develop. For half a year or more, don't compare yourself with others, because that will only make you feel more frustrated.

I once heard that parents asked their children to sleep after finishing their homework because their children didn’t do their homework seriously. As a result, until the middle of the night, there were still pictures of adults scolding and children crying, or asking children to keep toys neatly every day. If you don’t meet the requirements of your parents, pour them all out and clean them up again. If you also think that this parenting model is okay, you may also have a tendency to perfectionism. Most of it is the inner anxiety of parents. Is it really that serious? For example, children always procrastinate before class, do this and do that all at once. As parents, we are always in a hurry. Sometimes, seeing that we are going to be late for work, we yell at us. In fact, calm down. Come to think about it, why not let the children experience the consequences of being late, although the parents themselves have to pay the price, but the parent-child atmosphere is better than the parent-child atmosphere.

This book is one of the few parent-child parenting books that I have seen that is very practical. It almost covers the problems that children in the age group from kindergarten to elementary school often encounter, as well as the disputes between siblings and the problems of getting along with their peers on campus. I always think that The focus of parent-child parenting is never just how to raise children, but parents’ concepts must also be fully corrected. When adults have stable emotions, correct values, and an open mind, they can cultivate sound personality without harming children. child .