Twelve Questions on Marriage, Love and Feminism | Women who can't understand feminism

After visiting Matt City, I found an interesting questionnaire. Although I have a lot of things I want to write recently, but I haven’t had the energy to write it out, so let’s write the questionnaire first and relax! 😆😆😆😆

The family of origin and the choice of view on marriage and love

Q1: What role does your mother play in the family? Does this affect your choice of marriage?

Q2: What kind of image does your father play in your native family? Will this affect your marriage choices?

These two questions are a bit difficult for me to answer separately, so I will answer them together!

My family is a typical family where the roles of parents are reversed. My father does all the housework. My mother is a workaholic. My family is like a loving father and strict mother. However, I think I am still quite traditional in my bones, although I don’t quite accept it being done by women. housework, but "fairness" will be what I look forward to. Of course, if the other party is willing to do more, I am also optimistic!

myths in love

Q3: Is "love brain" a stigmatized term? How to stay sober and genuinely love in an intimate relationship?

Love brain does have some negative connotations, but I don’t think it is stigmatized, or should I put it this way, I think it’s enough as long as the person who loves brain doesn’t think the word is negative, anyway, people don’t always like to use it in various ways. Do all kinds of words define yourself and others? I think it is important not to live in the mouths of others.

If you have little lack of love, you can naturally maintain a clear and sincere love at the same time. Even if the temporary lack of love is still deep, as long as you keep observing yourself from time to time, you can still love bravely and not blindly. But then again, why? Need to stay awake? I think it’s okay to not be awake! 😆😆😆

Q4: As a woman, what do you think of the idea that feminists entering heterosexual relationships are "chocolate in the shit"?

I don't quite understand the ins and outs of this matter, but I always feel that some of the feminists I have seen in recent years are too extreme. For example, some people who advocate sexual equality are actually doing things that are not fair. The so-called gender equality, It should be that men and women stand in the same position, rather than letting women override men, and saying that because the world is skewed towards gender, I have to tilt in another direction on another issue, so that The whole world can be turned around.

As a woman, if you don't like feminists, you will actually be attacked, whether it's being labeled "Free Rider", or being said to be old-fashioned and patriarchal, to be honest, in my opinion When I wrote this paragraph, I was still scared, why not put an explosion-proof statement first, if you find it dazzling, I welcome you to speak out for your beliefs, but I will not respond to it 🙂🙂 🙂

Back to the topic, if you only blindly regard "dissidents" as "shit", then try not to come out to harm others. 🙃🙃🙃

Q5: In a romantic relationship, if you are on the side with weaker social status and resources, how can you understand and accept the kindness/resources/help from your partner while trying to maintain independence in all aspects?

The problems in one's own heart have to be solved by oneself. The inability to understand and accept the good intentions from a partner is mostly a matter of self-esteem, and everyone's self-esteem may be due to various life experiences and core beliefs. To see your core fears is the most important thing. The fundamental way to solve this problem.

In terms of practice, learning to see the "goodwill" of the other person is a direction that can be worked hard before solving one's inner fear. If you love your partner, don't you think that he also loves you? Or at least he has goodwill Get closer, try to make a different choice than before, life will give you a different experience.

Q6: How do feminists divide the boundaries of "running in", "paying", and "enduring" in intimate relationships? How do you see the "love" and built-in power pull brought about by the game of power relations in love?

I don't think it is necessary to "divide" boundaries. When the time comes, I will naturally know. I would rather try my best to love, love without regrets, and don't regret later in life that I did less hard work. We all look forward to relaxed love. We We don’t even know when is the best stop loss point, but as long as we keep observing ourselves, we will definitely know when is our limit, and being honest with ourselves is the most important thing.

Although we hate the so-called attachment, but sometimes the attachment of awareness will lead us to an unexpected beautiful life.

For me, love is love, I don't want to play games in love, I just want to see how much I am willing to do, and feel my true love and real existence at every moment.

Q7: Is there any behavior of your partner that makes you feel uncomfortable? What do you think is the best way to make a partner feel safe in an intimate relationship?

Not currently, but I have experienced uneasy feelings for 2 years, stemming from not being able to acknowledge my relationship with my partner, not that we are in an unspeakable relationship, just because of work, but even so, every time" Lying" still makes me uneasy, because I appear in front of everyone as a single, so I often see friends who don't know who want to introduce someone to their partner, but the partner doesn't refuse but is noncommittal, which also makes me feel uneasy.

I think "comparing your heart to your heart" is the cornerstone of making your partner feel safe. If you know how to empathize and put yourself in the other person's shoes, you can actually make each other's sense of security stronger.

Q8: Have you ever experienced "manipulation" or "being manipulated" (that is, "PUA" in Chinese buzzwords) in dating/dating/marriage? How do you define and identify such behavior?

There have been two experiences of being manipulated during the ambiguous period. Both of them appeared in front of me with pitiful gestures. At first, they were full of sympathy, and then they were moved by true feelings. I think that as long as the behavior behind it is not out of "love", it belongs to This kind of behavior, but my idea is the same as that of question 6. I don’t “recognize” in the process, but I will wake up naturally when my strength is exhausted. If I keep observing myself from time to time, I will definitely find it. The old saying One word, be honest with yourself.

An Exploration of Marriage and Feminism

Q9: How do you view women who have different views on marriage and love from you? Is "respect for blessings" the best answer?

There are so many differences in life. Living well is the greatest contribution to this world. Respect is necessary. Blessing depends on whether you can do it. It’s okay if you can’t. We can’t help others live their lives , why do you want to point fingers at other people's lives?

Q10: How to understand the legal relationship/rights (such as visitation, immigration, property inheritance) and benefits (such as tax reduction, house purchase and childcare subsidies) that are bound to the marriage system by default?

The marriage system does not guarantee love, but the marriage system guarantees rights and interests, so although most marriages in Taiwan are based on love, I don’t think the marriage system was established in the name of love, so it is normal to have legal relations and rights , even if some people feel troublesome when the relationship breaks down, it is originally derived from the "contractual relationship" and is reasonable.

As for the welfare part, it should be considered from the perspective of the whole country. Single people are unwilling or have not assumed the responsibility of providing future productivity for the country for various reasons. It is not too much to ask the country to subsidize these "undertakers" a little more!

Q11: If you are a woman who has actively chosen not to have children, would you feel less empathy for women who choose to have children? How do you think about the childbearing family? If the living circle is far away from the childbearing family, how to realize this "understanding"?

I think the issue of empathy has something to do with the person, not the choice that person has made. If I am willing to empathize with women who choose to have children, I will not reduce my empathy because I choose not to have children. But if the topic It refers to "empathy", and I also think that no one can really empathize with others.

As far as I am now, it is true that I have not given birth, but most of my friends around me have given birth. At some stage, I will reduce my communication because my friends are busy, but when my friend’s child is older, I can still return to the original state. I In fact, I don't know what to forgive, even if it is not because of childbirth, everyone's life is so different, respecting everyone's own choice is the most important thing.

Q12: Can women maintain and implement feminism in marriage and childbearing/motherhood? If so, how can it be done? (If you are not in a marriage relationship, think about it)

Rather than implementing feminism, it is better to say that I want to implement that all people are created equal, face all kinds of relationships with an equal attitude, and remove the definition of gender. I think this is a goal that should be practiced.

postscript

I said I want to relax, but I didn’t relax at all! 😆😆😆 I hope I’m not too aggressive, but there are quite a few questions in this questionnaire that I don’t understand😅😅😅

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