I often think I need love!

The recent exercise habits have added back the "bicycle" that I haven't seen for a long time. I accidentally crashed my car yesterday. This is the second time I have crashed a car, and I also broke a new handlebar strap (the handlebar strap) worth thousands of dollars. I am fine, just a small scratch, and the unavoidable muscle and bone pain from a crash. Habitually, I write such accidents on my personal Facebook, which is a rare place where only a dozen friends can see it.

That weird touch of Facebook often makes me feel like I'm living in an enchantment where no one can see me. I occasionally ask the Facebook gods like most people when they need help, hoping that someone who can see my help can help me! But often like a coin thrown into a wishing well, there is no response. (Not even a like.)

I always laugh at myself and say: "Maybe the whole world thinks that I can do everything by myself?", but I really like that I can find a way to solve everything by myself, except for some emotional concerns. It seems, it seems difficult to deal with it well, especially for people who "give me warmth", I often express my wrong attitude, and familiar friends know that "my damn essay, there will be a unique way when I write "Emotion", if you are misunderstood by others, the emotional richness of the special sensibility can be approached, or if it is too overflowing, it seems to add some special emotion.

Eh, no. Most of the time, I am in the role of "caregiver", "solving problems for others", "giving others a sense of security and warmth", and I can get warm or gentle care or greetings from others' words, nice, sincere, gentle It should be ok to thank you or post a message to express your peace of mind, right?

I had no particular desire to tell anyone about the accident. Posting in one's own social account, private posts, and "speaking to a single person" actually contain different emotions, even posting in semi-public groups or posting in a fully public manner, have different meanings (although most people don't think about these differences that much.)

I just remembered that if there is a lover/lover/lover right now, the first thing to do is to tell the other party, right? Some people still feel a strong sense of loneliness if they "have no one to talk to", as if they have been forgotten by the world and feel lonely.

A few friends who were hit by big data left a message to care, and I suddenly realized, "Did I often think that I needed love?" Is it just because I don't know how to make friends and lack the right time, Someone who cares and greets a little bit, so that I mistake the need for "friendship" as the pursuit of "love"? As a result, the dilemma of expressing the wrong attitude continued to occur!

Later I was willing to admit that I am a "person who doesn't know how to love". Apart from fulfilling other people's requirements, requests, and demands of me like a tool person, I am not a person who particularly loves to establish too close relationships with others. My emotional reaction is often different from that of ordinary people, and it seems very difficult to fully empathize with others, so I completely became the kind of tool person who "others come to me for help when they have something to do".

For the rest of the time, I just stay in the world that I feel safe, and live the life I want to live. I don’t bother others, and I hardly need social company. But as long as someone gives me a little warm company, greetings, and care, I will Will feel funny, excited, and quickly draw closer to people (then feel socially troublesome or feel uncomfortable and awkward and run away), sometimes creating any kind of emotional entanglement that is misunderstood (no matter who is entangled) Who.)

Someone cares about a car crash, even though it’s just asking on the Internet, I feel very warm (this distance is just right, so as not to be a burden to everyone) Thinking about life, it seems that there is really no need for "lover/lover/lover" thing. How much did you need to be loved in the past? Or is it just that there are no friends to accompany and discuss shooting? (However, I am still not very good at asking for a shot.) I said to my friend: "Please take a picture of me in the future, lest I misunderstand that I need to fall in love."

It is also very likely that because I am getting older, I feel that too many interpersonal relationships are a burden; I don’t need to know everything about who is doing today, and knowing too much is also a burden. If someone wants to care and greet on a whim, just treat it as a momentary spark blooming in the world, or someone needs someone to talk, then listen to it occasionally, and pretend it didn't happen after listening, so as not to worry or worry in your heart.

Only now did I realize that I am a person who does not need "love". Apart from the sacrifice of being a tool person, I don't know how to love, and now I don't want to be someone's tool person anymore. (Go away, take responsibility for your own life, and learn what you don’t know. Thank you!)

P.S.
Tool people actually know who treats themselves as tools in their minds. Some people are happy to play this role. My highly sensitive perception often sounds an alarm in my mind, telling myself to turn around and leave!

20221128, Kaohsiung, diary!

Picture: 2021031718 Kenting Hengchun play to help A-1 take pictures, Canon EOSM50