0703 Diary

When we arrived in Taipei, it started to rain heavily.
That kind of heavy rain that is no longer polite to you.

After getting off the train, I held an umbrella and stepped on my shoes overflowing with rainwater, and walked to the gate of the well-known temple.
I politely asked the vendors outside the temple and the people inside the temple how to worship.
From outside to inside, from right to left, there are about a dozen gods,
Put flowers and offerings, put my hands together, and I sincerely tell them the same thing time and time again.

Sometimes my head is in the rain, sometimes I carry an umbrella on my shoulders, and sometimes my feet fall into a puddle.

After I begged five or six times, the god finally agreed and gave me three Holy Grails.
I thank you again and leave.

The sincerity this time is completely different from the past.
I don't lie in front of the gods, I dismantle myself and all the things I encounter,
Like dissection, like repentance, like a heart-washing revolution.

I think I will remember this like a holy moment.
Very honest, very calm and thankful for everything.

/

I didn't want to work, I didn't want to make money. What is the money for?
I tell friends.
To my current self, it doesn't matter at all.
I have come to believe that there are other ways, of being alive, of the world.

Can you let me finish the things that really matter to me without regrets?
I'm almost begging myself.

/

After dinner with friends, I took the train home.
I've lost weight since the last time we met, yeah just eat one or two meals a day and still lose weight.
I never used to get used to the curled hairstyle before, from getting used to it to liking it, I liked the long bangs that I curved slightly on the side of my face.

Listening to the Before Midnight podcast in headphones, they talk about love this week.
"I think my first three paragraphs are all puppy love, that is, I don't want to get into a relationship after the end of the passion. I don't think it's love if I don't get along. But I didn't think so before, I think that passion is love. ”
"Actually, it was a long one-night stand."

My love has always left me at a loss, bringing too much and taking too much away.
My love has always deepened my destructiveness to myself.
I hate myself so much, so I used to try my best to avoid love.

"It won't work if you fall in love a few more times." I remembered what my friend said a few days ago.
Yes, the more we fear the more we have to do it.
Because after doing it for a long time, I will not be afraid. We have stress resistance.

I ride Youbike home, the streets are so quiet in the early morning.
So quiet, just me, just the philosophical voice in the headphones.
The seat was slightly higher, and I stepped on the pedals as if I was running straight ahead.
As if swearing something, big mouth, big mouth, big mouth breathing.