Chaos Daily Essay｜I haven't eaten with you for a long time

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I hesitated for a moment, pondering the inspiration that came to my mind , and then looked at the Chinese translation file of "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" that the teacher asked to read on the computer. Although, I haven't written any "me" article for Nietzsche, not even in the small world of Matt City , where I am most imaginative.

The only thing is to settle down the melancholy and sympathy that always ripples in my heart every time I read Nietzsche. I don't defend Nietzsche, but I shed tears for him. He does n't want to be defined by us and put on his free and unrestrained soul. A kind of kind plus a different kind of understanding . He just wants each of us to go back to intuition, back to the moment when you love life.

When I looked at you and looked into my eyes again, I realized how beautiful life is .

( Some of the links in this article are songs that better express my feelings )

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Fortunately, I still have Matt City , and here I can make my thoughts about you turn into short essays just for you . It was your encouragement and your company that made me believe that every time I was attacked and excluded, I was still the one worthy of being loved and accepted— although not loved by you .

There was a time when I suspected that my feelings were not real, and even refused to admit that, again and again, in my mind, your smile appeared, and you pouted your little mouth mischievously and pretended to be angry. Even though my ears didn't hear your voice, I could feel my heart beating slightly faster when I heard your voice.

Just when I found myself walking towards you slowly, a surprise suddenly fell from the sky, maybe this caught me off guard, I didn't know how to react, but I was deeply fascinated by the faint light on his body, the curiosity , the excitement Better than the blandness and geniality you brought me —until I find myself again.

I haven't eaten with you for a long time

It takes a price to find who we are, and it's a song you once told me that made me believe that everything that happened to me was helping us become better people. However, I don't know whether such a " good person " will choose to be brave again and say the words that he didn't say last summer vacation .

I may have forgotten - more likely I'm starting to be afraid of being hurt - how to like someone and give others the most sincere emotion, even though I once said to myself : isn't sincerity the greatest weapon ? But I'm starting to lose confidence, and I don't know if it's going to be futile this time around.

Your presence may be the end of this unease.

It's been a long time since I ate with you, it's been a long, long time. You always make me feel taken care of . When I talk to you, I always get nervous without realizing it , and I start to worry about whether I will make a slip of the tongue and damage my image in your mind. Maybe the first person I see you In other words, you want to say it's been a long time , right?

It’s been a long time since I ate with you. I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve been like this. It’s still a few days before my appointment, but I’m starting to worry about what clothes to wear. It looks a little more handsome—it makes you feel better. , I am really really different .

Maybe this is you, maybe that most affectionate confession, one day, I will definitely say it to you .