053 | Practice "I'm fine, so are you"

Not everything will be better when it becomes "convenient".

The Industrial Revolution is an example, as is modern technology. I think that while modern technology makes communication and information flow more convenient, it also rejects one of the most important elements of interpersonal relationships: the sense of space created by blank time.

While we use social software and instant messaging software to connect with the world quickly, we cannot breed high-quality and healthy interpersonal relationships because we do not have a "sense of time and space". The interpersonal relationship of modern people is like a flower seedling that is induced in a greenhouse. When the root system is not strong enough, it has already blossomed and fruited, and will only die prematurely in the end.

Everyone in any relationship will unconsciously carry a certain psychological pattern. The most typical representative of this fragile interpersonal relationship is the mental model of "I am good, you are not good" and "I am not good, you are good".

We often fall into the rapid switching between the two modes of "I'm good, you're not good" and "I'm not good, hello" , because the frequency of stimulation from the outside world is too high, only these two modes will make communication It looks smoother.

As long as one party in the relationship is considered to be in a low position, then there is no need to think too much and be curious. Between the two, it is surprising that "I'm not good, hello" will be the mode that more people choose. Because of effort. Because as long as you believe that you are in a low position, then all processes are not so important, and the result is "you are better than me" and "I should be unhappy".

Most of the time, I also choose this mode.

What will be the result?

Nine times out of ten, you will live in the emotion of "self-denial" . And then became unhappy, unable to enjoy the beauty of ordinary life. At the same time, there is less and less curiosity and interest in the people around them, and naturally they become more and more withdrawn. No matter how the development of work and career, the last life will usher in a bleak end.

Thinking of this, I not only shouted out in my heart: I don't want this! ! !

Mr. Toad in "Mr. Toad Goes to a Psychiatrist" is like myself. Ignore the influence of childhood experiences and the family of origin, although to a certain extent, childhood experiences determine certain things. But as an adult, what "Mr. Toad sees a psychiatrist" taught me is:

The world can be "I'm fine, so are you".

Imagine that we take this kind of thinking mode and think about the scenarios we encounter in our work and life:

① Friends have enviable relationships

"I'm good, you're not good": I will try my best to think about the negative factors of love and neutralize my sour odor

"I'm not good, hello": living in envy and self-defeating, feeling that I will never be loved again

"I'm fine, so are you": It's good to fall in love, and you can live well alone. It's just two different life states

② Colleagues get better job opportunities

"I'm good, you're not good": I will try my best to think about factors that are not related to my ability. Similar to the other party, I will be better at being a human being, and I will please the boss and make myself comfortable.

"I'm not good, hello": I also live in "inferiority" and feel that I'm so bad

"I'm fine, so are you": Don't force yourself to be happy for the other person, just treat it as a change in your work.

"I'm ok, so are you" is not a mentality forcing oneself to praise the other person, but a non-emotional response based on accepting the "objective difference". This is a bit anti-human , so it takes practice, and practice often takes time and deliberate.

The so-called self, before it is established, can only be touched after hitting someone and reflecting back. But in the end, it's entirely up to us to choose what to keep.

Only by taking responsibility for your own life can you enjoy true freedom.

Next time, try to practice "I'm fine, so are you".

May you become a better version of yourself and gain peace and love.

 About Korgi Chu (Grilled Chicken)
International Coach Federation ICF Certified Life Coach / Rainbow Coach 🌈
(Member number 009600446I) 👉🏻 The personal website is committed to promoting the "output" thinking system, and using "output" to promote the growth of more people.
Issues I care about are: gay issues, LGBT issues, personal growth, self-care,
Self-worth exploration, establishment of personal brand, career transition, efficient learning methods, financial freedom.
And everything that can make you a better version of yourself.
May everyone become a better version of themselves and gain peace and love.
Contact me: milagro0828@gmail.com