[Community activity] I want to change from today: Motivation

From young to old, I have been brought up by grandma. I was about eighteen years old that year, and my grandmother was seventy years old. I still remember that she had been seriously ill for many years, but her fear of pain and one experience of seeing a doctor made her reluctant to see a doctor again. No matter how her family persuaded her, she always said stubbornly: "The xianglu (commonly known as: xiangshi) said that my lifespan is only seventy-five years old, so don't pay attention to it." It was like this until I was eighteen years old. Being diagnosed with advanced cancer, time is running out. I silently promised to see my grandson go to college in her lifetime.

It's a pity that I became a self-study student (retakers) that year. The reason is simple, because I failed the diploma exam (something like the college entrance examination) and couldn't get into university. I still remember when I was holding the score sheet that day, looking at the unsightly score and remembering the promise made that day, tears rolled in my eyes unconsciously. Heartbroken, unable to say a word. I just went home with my grades and didn't know the way forward (I hadn't decided to be a self-taught student at that time).

When I got home, I told my grandma with a smile and said, "I can't get into college." She said softly, "Oh!". There was no emotion in the words, no reproach, and no other words to say. Maybe no one in the family is a college graduate; maybe she doesn't think she can get a job without going to college, so it's no big deal. After the conversation, I went back to my room to sort through my emotions and thoughts. Although the tears kept dripping and my pants were dripping wet, I still had to make a good decision on the direction of development so that I could find a suitable path to go to university. In the process of thinking, I came to the conclusion that I should go to college no matter what, no matter what course. However, I still don't have a concrete answer on which path to choose, what subjects to specialize in, etc. Until a little episode a few days later...

vignette

When I woke up that morning, I heard the voice of a conversation coming from outside the room, but there were only me and my grandmother at home, so the third person? Silly I couldn't figure it out, so I went out the door to take a peek. It turned out that she was talking on the phone with a distant relative. During the chat, Grandma said with a bit of sadness, "My grandson will not be able to get into college." At that moment, my heart was aching. It turned out that that day, she took care of my feelings, and did not reveal her sadness. On that day, I decided to retake the diploma exam. I want to change my destiny.

Probability of self-study students entering university

This road is the hardest road, but it is also the road that suits you best. How hard is it to walk? The only explanation here is through the data.

As can be seen from the above data, among about 100 self-study students, only 13 can obtain the required scores in the English subject examination. Moreover, out of 100 self-study students, only 8 are able to go to university. Moreover, most of the repeaters will only take 1-2 subjects, in order to test better. In the process of retaking the exam, I retaken 4 subjects, including English, Mathematics, General Studies, and Chemistry.

The process of self-study - seven and a half months

Of course, a small number of people also go through this process, and many people start to be lazy and even give up in the middle. I'm no exception (I've never been lazy). When I retake the exam, I have all given up, frustrated, and angry. All kinds of negative emotions will make me want to give up, and even doubt my original decision. However, when I recalled the silent promise made that day and the sad picture of her, naturally, I continued to suffer.

The daily schedule is only:

10:00-12:30 Review

12:30-13:00 Dinner (while listening to English podcast)

13:00-17:30 Review

17:30-18:00 break

18:00-20:00 Tuition

20:00-21:00 Dinner

21:00-21:30 take a bath (the most comfortable)

21:30-12:30/1:00 (zero morning) Review

12:30/1:00 - 10:00 Sleep

In this trip, whether it is Christmas, New Year, or Mid-Autumn Festival, I only have to read and review. (Don't ask me if I've been to the bathroom, I definitely have, it's just too trivial to record. @@

HKDSE day

Compared with the high school candidates of the same class, I will take fewer subjects, but more than the self-study students of the same class, so I also took the exam for about 4 days. Of course, on the way to the exam, I'm also afraid that I won't be able to get into college again, that I'm afraid of making mistakes that shouldn't be made on the test papers, that I'm careless... I'm constantly afraid of these, afraid of that. But the image I was looking forward to (I was able to have a meal with her in the college cafeteria) and that silent promise inspired me to where I am today. Finally, completed the four exams with a relaxed mood.

Exam results

Overall, I got enough grades to get into college. However, some subjects did not perform as well as expected, while others did better than expected. When I received the score sheet, it was not the first time I talked to my grandmother. Instead, I went to sleep because I was really tired. Afterwards, I said to her, "I can go to college." She also showed her teeth and smiled. That smile might be what I've been waiting for. Maybe this is my best gift. Up to now, I still remember that pure smile, the happiness that cannot be expressed in words. (The score sheet will not be displayed, I will be a little shy)

University Admission

Finally, I enrolled at City University of Hong Kong. The day before the freshman registration, I specifically invited her to come with me. That morning, she was more excited than I was. She put on her favorite skirt and green shirt, walked to the mirror in the bathroom, combed her white hair, and sprayed her favorite and strong nose-biting perfume on the concubine's neck. Her outfit was the most grandiose I've ever seen. She seemed more excited than me, and urged me to hurry out of the door. I thought it was like she became a college student today. She kept smiling when she got on the subway, maybe she was imagining where the university was. Where will I study. When I saw her expression, I was secretly satisfied.

After I registered my freshmen, I had dinner with her. All we eat are ordinary food, a bowl of barbecued pork rice and a bowl of wonton noodles. After she was full, she thought the wontons here were delicious, so she asked me to pack a bowl and go home. After I got the takeaway, I said to her contentedly, "If you want to eat, can I buy it for you next time? Or we can come back together and try another restaurant." She nodded happily. Said, "Okay."

It turned out that after this time, I would never have the opportunity to eat this ordinary wanton noodles with her again, nor would I be able to go to the university together again. After that, her illness took a turn for the worse and she needed a ventilator and a wheelchair to get around. In less than six months, she left me without a sound. She left just in time for Christmas. Perhaps with the arrival of the Christmas decorations, my memories of her will spring up. I want to leave an article about her when I can remember, so that when I get older, I can remember her and my upbringing. To this day, she is still my driving force for change. In the end, I just want to say, "How are you doing? Your grandson is graduating from college soon, will you come?"

miss your grandson

27-11-2021